to want to keep my new baby healthy?

[BabyBoyBlues]

I am a new mum, had DS two weeks ago. My family and I are close, but DH's aren't. My family have been to visit us with DS, as has DH's mum, but DH and I have agreed not to let his brother, who has small children, come and see DS until he's a bit older, because we don't want him to catch any germs. BIL and his family live abroad, and are visiting this month, then going back, not likely to be back until Christmas. MIL thinks we're being really OTT.
Am I being over protective? DS is so small and not vaccinated yet, I just don't want to risk anything.

Show them this thread and say no more

Is completely ridiculous and they need to get a grip

No midwife worth anything would advise that. YANBU to be upset.

Hate reverse AIBU!

All you can do is suck it up sadly, and accept that at some point in the future the mum will probably be very embarrassed.

Sounds like an overzealous mw. Are you from a country with terrbile diseases that the mw has panicked about?

Grrrrr to reverse aibu!!

OP I'm sorry, it must be horrible for you if you live abroad and can't visit when they get over this.

ok...reverse AIBU!!

bollocks to the 'being advised by the midwife'

smacks of PND.

read the leaflet posted earlier and be very sympathetic!

Oh dear, not sure what you can do then.. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, hope they realise one day they were being way OTT..

Oh I see, I stick by my point. Either serious anxiety issue (maybe PND) or an excuse. Maybe they need some support. A HV/MW wouldn't recommend that unless the baby had health issues or the visiting child had a serious contagious illness.

Ok, in that case send a lovely present and card saying: "We are so sorry X isn't well enough to see us. It's so beautiful to see a new baby and show your love for them. The DC are especially disappointed not to see their new cousin. Well, since a visit isn't possible, we hope you will Skype and we will see you again when he is a bit older and not as unwell."

That says it all. Genuine interest in their baby. Concern for their DS. I think that's the best you can do.

Seriously they are children not Infected cattle. Please chill the fuck out.

Ah, just seen it's a reversy percy

No mw would've advised that. Poor you.

Oh dear, they are being mental, irl I have never come across pfbism regarding newborns, everyone I know who has had a baby is bursting to show them off, doesn't get angsty when great aunty Mabel wants a hold etc. I even went to visit my sisters friend in hospital when she had her first, looking back I'm a bit at that lol.

I have never been asked to wash my hands before having a cuddle with a newborn (I see this suggested often on here). The whole germ avoidance thing is mental.

I understand this from her pov, when we had dd we slept in shifts to watch over her, never sleeping at the same time as her, we made everyone antibacterial gel their hands before touching her and did that ourselves, to the extent my hands were cracked and bleeding. When a cousin visited with her three small children I made dh go around every handle, her crib, every curtain everything they had touched with Milton wipes, twice.

This all stemmed from paranoia put in place by dhs mother who lost his little brother to SIDS plus a huge control issues after leaving a high pressure job to have dd. I was diagnosed with pnd and a very worried midwife checked on us daily until eventually I came to my senses,

Looking back I owe every member of my family (especially the cousin) a massive apology and as a random to aside to a pp, dd does get ecsma and asthma symptoms and I wouldn't be surprised if I shagged her immune system early on.

Feel sorry for your relative and try and be patient, she will come around and she will feel fucking terrible about it.

Sorry yes totally overprotective. Fair enough you don't want them to visit if they actually have colds. Maybe even ok to ask if chicken pox is going around their school. But otherwise YABVVU.

re: Vaccinations - unlikely niece / nephew going to pass on polio / tetanus / whooping cough so never understand the whole they aren't vaccinated argument.

I think like the other posters unless the new baby has health issues, it shouldn't be an issue to have visitors whether they're children or adults.

DS is 14 weeks old and on cold number two...even though he's got a snotty nose and breathing like an old man he's happy in himself and it'll help build up his immune system so I'm not getting upset about it - just hoping I don't catch it from him :o

In this case I'd send a card and a gift and say sorry you can't visit at the moment, but you're looking forward to seeing the baby soon and hope everything is going well. Maybe ask for some photos as well. Might make the parents feel a bit guilty for not letting you visit!

I dunno, when my pfb was tiny I wasn't at all keen on my sil and her lovely but noisy trio of sons visiting. But that was more about being unutterably exhausted and being unable to face the idea of a houseful of not very welcome visitors. In the early weeks I kind of think you should be able to decide who comes in, if you are feeling fragile. Luckily the heavy snow kept them away so I didn't have to come across as the over anxious control freak I was (am).

I realise its different as you live abroad, but I guess it might not just be the germs but perhaps something else instead or as well, and since this is a reverse aibu we only get the op's pov, not the real one. I think the op should have been straight wih us - this approach squanders goodwill and is annoying! So I will hand you a yabu for that.

your SIL is being very PFB. Does she generally have issues like this? I would be hut too but maybe if she has asked you not to bring the children it's a compromie you can accept, or is she still insisting none of you come?

Yabu, Seriously silly! Get them to wash their hands, buy some alcohol hand gel if you like, but stopping them from visiting is totally unnecessary (ask any health professional/person with common sense) and makes you look like a loon. Sounds like its your excuse to keep inlaws away, and its not fair.

YABU. I am overprotective and was worried about people with colds etc but didn't stop anyone. Saw people with small children after a day or so of birth. Was breastfeeding and DC didn't catch anything. If they are ILL keep them away.If they are just kids, slight cold etc they will be fine.You are being OTT sorry.

oops, didnt read all the thread, busted!

YABU. Really you should only do this if there is a good medical reason - and to be honest be thankful there's not.

My aunt HAD to do this with my cousin as he was born with a rare immune deficiency disorder which meant that not only did he get every bug going but he got it very badly - hospital with chicken pox or the common cold anyone ?

Also he would get things like chicken pox and mumps time after time. I remember being really upset when I had mumps at about the age of 4 and she came to visit with him and as soon as she realized I'd only been recovered about a week took him away again without him even getting out of the car. It was miserable for him, made school and leading a normal life very difficult.

Sounds like PND to me, so don't feel hurt or rejected. When I had it with my Pfb, I was so convinced he would catch germs and die that I went to bed with him and refused to let anyone in to see him.

Any way you can contact her HV?

Was the baby born premature as the neonatal staff advice was to limit visitors.

What was the outcome, OP? What did you, and the DPs of PFB, do?