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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend is mad to have a baby with a guy she's known for 6 weeks?

50 replies

littlemissjudgmentaliknow · 29/03/2012 20:53

so she was obviously keen to have a child, despite assurances that she wasn't ...but she's only gone and got herself pregnant by a guy she met on the internet within 6 weeks of knowing him. he's now moved in and they're playing happy families...but it's all SO practical..no big whirlwind romance/love in..in fact they are not even sleeping together now...they are just making arrangements to be the best parents in the world (as you do when expecting your first!) i can't help but think she wouldn't have given him a second glance a few years back and that she's going to end up really unhappy with him once the realities of parenting hit home..of course it's none of my business really but i wondered if anyone has been through a similar experience and had any success stories to share??

OP posts:
pjmama · 29/03/2012 20:57

You're absolutely right, it is none of your business! Grin
Good luck to them, there's no guarantees regardless of how you start out.

ClassFree · 29/03/2012 20:57

My cousin had a one night 'fling' with a friend of a friend that she had just met. It transpired that a little one was on the way, so they got married 8 weeks later. They are still quite happily married, 17 years on, with 2 lovely kids.

For the record though, even I can see its a rare outcome.

thefurryone · 29/03/2012 20:57

A friend of mine met a girl she got pregnant within a month, they've gone on to have more children and have been together about 7 years whilst not the most traditional start to a relationship it doesn't have to spell disaster.

PooPooInMyToes · 29/03/2012 20:58

Blimey that's quick!

thefurryone · 29/03/2012 20:58

Sorry should have said woman not girl, she was am adult!

thefurryone · 29/03/2012 20:58

An adult even

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 29/03/2012 20:58

Some people prefer to settle for a nice guy who will provide and support rather than the big studly romantic whirlwind relationship type affair.

Perhaps she's one of those.

How old is she? Body clock might be ticking louder than a land mine...

AKMD · 29/03/2012 20:59

Sounds insane but it's up to them I guess. It's not as though they're deceiving eachother.

Tryharder · 29/03/2012 21:00

I know someone who got pregnant on the first date with her new man. They had the baby and are still together quite a few years later. I think she would be first to admit, however, that it was not ideal.

The first few years of a relationship should be all about shagging and enjoying yourself on hot dates not pacing the carpet at 3am with a crying baby. So I see your point.

I suppose your friend really,really wanted a baby and you can't hold that against her.

NickNacks · 29/03/2012 21:01

I got pregnant six weeks in at 20. Ten yrs later we're married with 3 children and very happy.

McFluffster · 29/03/2012 21:02

Well there's no going back now..

I know a couple of relationships which started out this way. In some ways I think it works better as they are in the "honeymoon" stage during the nappy changes and sleepless nights and still on best behaviour so more likely to support each other and become closer rather than driven apart by it all.

Unless of course, one partner is a twat, in which case it's usually a bad, bad idea. Impossible to tell yet, best of luck to them!

Original poster
littlemissjudgmentaliknow · 29/03/2012 21:03

34, def body clock issues. but also she has always 'got what she wanted' iyswim...and for years she has watched all her friends marry & settle, have kids etc, whilst she has had a really bad run of luck with men...so i think she just wanted to be 'in with the gang' in a way..and i'm not saying i wouldn't be exactly the same if i was in her position...good to hear it's worked for others. i guess just as much chance of it failing when you've been together for 10yrs before having children..after all little ones do have a tendency to rather alter the family dynamics to say the least!

OP posts:
headfairy · 29/03/2012 21:06

I have a friend who set out to get pg from a guy she'd just met. I think she'd been seeing him less than 6 weeks when she got pg.

they did marry but it didn't end well.

troisgarcons · 29/03/2012 21:07

Not really anyone elses business TBH. It might work out, it might not.

You can be with someone 20 years and they'll leave you or you can be with someone 6 weeks and it'll last a life time.

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 29/03/2012 21:07

Well I decided to try for a baby with a guy I'd only known for six weeks. Fifteen years and three dc later, we're very happily married.

Though I obviously wouldn't be recommending this as a sensible course of action!

Original poster
littlemissjudgmentaliknow · 29/03/2012 21:08

aah nicknacks that's lovely... ;-)

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 29/03/2012 21:08

I think that sometimes it can work better because I know people who have been together 10 years, had a baby and then split up with a year or two because they simply couldnt cope with the change in their relationship. Whereas if your whole relationship has been based on "family" rather than "couple" then its normal iykwim.

Does sound a bit mad to do it on purpose though, all that said!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/03/2012 21:09

What about the child though? Will it know it's father? I know that people's circumstances can change but I think a child has a right to know both it's parents and it's wider family.

I understand that the woman wanted the child but quite honestly, it's not all about her and her wants.

MayaAngelCool · 29/03/2012 21:11

Blimey, that is quick! No, of course YANBU, but fingers crossed it works out for all three of them.

Original poster
littlemissjudgmentaliknow · 29/03/2012 21:12

also, agree with all the 'none of your business' comments...as i said myself, but let's face it, it will be my business if it all falls apart....but you lot have renewed my faith in fast-moving relationships so i shall 'but out' until i'm so called upon to 'but in'!!

OP posts:
Original poster
littlemissjudgmentaliknow · 29/03/2012 21:13

ha ha lyingwitch the child will probably know it's father more than the mother will...

OP posts:
Jinsei · 29/03/2012 21:14

One of my closest friends met & married her DH and conceived their first child, all within 6 weeks. Shock Her friends and family thought she was barking. Ten years later, they are still together and very happy.

I understand your concern for your friend, but it's never possible to judge someone else's relationship. Just wish her all the best - and be there if it goes wrong.

TartyMcFarty · 29/03/2012 21:14

I hope for her her and her child's sake that he turns out to be a decent bloke. There's no way of knowing at this point though, so I can see why you're concerned.

I met a guy a few years ago and got completely caught up in romance. Six weeks later I realised he had horrible issues with drinking and dumped him sharpish after he drove to my house completely pissed.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/03/2012 21:15

Fair enough then.

FeedZombieEatSmartie · 29/03/2012 21:15

It may not seem ideal to most but it can happen. I was pregnant 4 months after meeting DP, he wasn't planned but we made the most of our situation. It worked, we're very happy, DS is 12 months old and, although I always wanted the more traditional order of meet-move in-marraige-babies, its a big V-sign to all those who said (and thought) 'it won't work'. We had faith in ourselves and each other.

Its up to the persons involved.