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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dd's teacher was maybe over-reacting a tad?

622 replies

Northernlurker · 28/03/2012 18:15

Apparently dd has been 'very rude' today as per the message from teacher via after school club. Very rude consists of not listening to story but talking to friends and then saying 'no' when told to stop and 'no' when told to move. Now I agree this is very rude and the teacher obviously dealt with it at length because dd was in floods of tears when collected by after school club. I have spoken to dd and she was talking because the book was one we have at home and she was telling her friends as much. At the end of a hot day, at the end of term her attention is shot to pieces as is that of most of the other kids. AIBU to think that a message home about this infraction was overkill. She didn't get a warning, she didn't get a timeout - and really what am i supposed to do about this? i speak to dd about her day every day. i am clear about what is expected but seeing as she's a stubborn 4 who has been at school less than a term i don't expect miracles. Frankly impressed we've got this far.

Or should I be grovelling tomorrow?

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 07:30

sorry I started to say telling them to shut up and then changed it to moving -without deleting-hope it make sense.

sunshineandbooks · 04/04/2012 08:00

Northerlurker I've followed this thread with a lot of interest and been surprised at how much response it's triggered. I really think you need to see your DD's teacher and talk to her about what happened yesterday.

Like I said yesterday, I've had messages home similar to those about your DD. I've simply taken them as the teacher keeping me abreast of what has happened rather than a 'warning' about my DS. When I've gone in to speak to the teacher about it she's always been at pains to reassure me that my DS is perfectly normal and no better or worse than any other child, but she wants me informed in case my DS talks to me about it and gives me a garbled message. It's a total non-issue. Sometimes I back her up if it's required, sometimes I forget about it as soon as we've finished talking about it. My DS's teacher is wonderful and he adores her BTW.

Only you can judge this in the context of everything else going on in the classroom but I'd really advise a non-confrontational chat with the teacher first.

Sunscorch · 04/04/2012 08:03

LeQueen, for one, seems to suggest that silence during reading time is as much an imperative as not running out in front of a bus.

  1. That's not "exactly" where someone said that a reading session should be purely didactic.
  2. You're not who I was asking.
  3. That's not what LeQueen was saying anyway.

LeQueen is suggesting that doing what a teacher has told you to do is imperative regardless of the situation.

Let's try a wee thought experiment, shall we?
Let's say, hypothetically, that you're running your holistic reading session with a class of 24 children. You've asked your opening questions, the children all apparently have nothing left to say (20 minutes later). You begin.
Suddenly, you notice little Betsy nattering away to someone next to her, far away at the back of the carpet. You can't hear what she is saying.

What do you do?
(Much like a choose your own adventure story, I will continue with the scenario once you've made your first action.)

gettinghappy · 04/04/2012 08:05

BBJ I did say I wasn't going to post any more but in response to your last comment to me.........I did not say that if my child was told off I would go down the formal complaints route. If you read it back I said that correction is necessary, the manner of correction however is what needs to be taken into consideration.

I said that if his teacher did not do his/her job well then I would complain.........absolutely. I would talk with teacher and if not satisfied then I definitely would complain. You seem to be forgetting the bit about I would and have also formally praised teachers and other professionals involved with my son. ( He has lots of medical problems so is involved with lots of professionals)

Sunscorch I did not imply that all of you don't have a respect or understanding of children. I was explicit however in stating that IMO some people who have posted do not. This is not rude, it is my opinion, which I am entitled to asa you are to yours.

letseatgrandma · 04/04/2012 08:18

Let's try a wee thought experiment, shall we?
Let's say, hypothetically, that you're running your holistic reading session with a class of 24 children. You've asked your opening questions, the children all apparently have nothing left to say (20 minutes later). You begin.
Suddenly, you notice little Betsy nattering away to someone next to her, far away at the back of the carpet. You can't hear what she is saying.

Turn to page 37.
An Ofsted inspector appears in your lesson. He grades you satisfactory (which as we all know is now 'unsatisfactory' because you have spent too long failing to persuade a disobedient child to sit and listen which led to the other 23 children becoming bored and restless and missing out on a learning opportunity. All lessons should be pacey and punchy and you should have dealt with this child far more effectively. Turn to page 23...

ilovesooty · 04/04/2012 08:22

Yes, the scenario Math thinks is desireable would be most interesting during OFSTED.

gettinghappy · 04/04/2012 08:26

The thread had kind of gone awry from the OP and I know I have contributed to that. Sorry.

In relation to the OP I did already reply. Op agrees her dd should have been told off. She obviously has other misgivings, completely separate from this one incident regarding the efficacy of this teacher. The main issue for me, from the original post is not that the child cried, but that the teacher sent her to after school club STILL crying. As a human being I certainly wouldn't have sent a child away, who was so obviously still upset. She should not have backed down or recanted but she should have, IMO, been able to spend a little time with the child helping her to settle before handing her over to after school club.

Just for the record, there are many teachers out there who are fantastic and who are able to maintain an orderly, productive classroom while being sensitive to children.

Teaching is in it's very basic form group work. I would be interested to know how much groupwork training is provided to teachers completing their training?

I do know ( because I questioned it recently at a PTA meeting) that teachers receive very little/no training in relation to understanding and managing challenging behaviour.

Many of the issues that I believe are around in classrooms are due to lack of appropriate training. Like it or not, the role of teachers has changed over the years. There are many children now in mainstream school with complex behaviours and needs who in the past would have been in special school excluded or at specialist provisions. and In the past teachers choosing to work in those environments whould have had additional training. Now all teachers are expected to deal with a whole range of issues/difficulties and diabilities, without additional training and are expected to do it well!! More appropriate training would be one step inthe right direction.

RosemaryandThyme · 04/04/2012 08:29

Opens Page 23.

Teacher is called to Head to discuss disapointing Ofsted report, Head is keen to support staff and thus places teacher on re-training programme that ensures she meets targets.

To ensure no Union complaints Teacher is afforded training time to up-date skills and tempoary cover teacher brought in.

Temp teacher instigates small group reading as a way forward in order not to fall foul of the Ofsted inspectors and places note in school newsletter asking if parents could volunteer to come in and read to children...

Do you volunteer turn to page 6, Do you write back in the reading record complaining about inconsistant teaching pratices disturbing your child ? Turn to page 89....

Original poster
Northernlurker · 04/04/2012 08:35

Exoticfruits - I thought I had made this clear several times but as you've missed that - yes I agree it was rude and NO that is not tolerated, encouraged or otherwise permitted in the family setting.

On the subject of not tolerating rudeness - I put my situation on here and asked aibu so any comments on my situation are fair enough. It's frankly laughable that some of you have drawn conclusions so far from the truth though and I am frankly horrified by the bunfight that this seems to have descended in to. There has been a lot of use to me on this thread, both of reassurance and in causing me to question my parenting. I am confident though that I am not in fact raising badly behaved, rude children with an inability to see beyond themselves so thanks anyway for the parenting critique and I'll carry on managing as I am.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 08:39

"pulling rank" - you are sounding ridiculous. Really, you are

Feenie · 04/04/2012 08:39

It's frankly laughable that some of you have drawn conclusions so far from the truth though

They would be mainly mathanxiety's then, surely? A whole bonkers list of 'em.

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 08:40

NL

I hope you will acknowledge that I, amongst many others have not questioned your parenting.

Original poster
Northernlurker · 04/04/2012 08:42

Yes happy to OJ Smile

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 08:46

and what Feenie said

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 08:46

thankyou Smile

exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 09:07

that teachers receive very little/no training in relation to understanding and managing challenging behaviour.

This was a 4 yr old chatting!! (trying to imagine how this comes under managing challenging behaviour?Hmm)

I wasn't attacking your parenting, Northernlurker, other than to say it was something and nothing-tell your 4 yr old she brought it on herself and if she doesn't want it to happen in the future she needs to do as she is told-and then change the subject. On a scale of 1-10 it is hardly important-I can't believe the length of thread-or even why I got involved!

exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 09:10

I think that everyone is 'over-reacting a tad.' (including me)

gettinghappy · 04/04/2012 09:34

exoticfruits If you read my post again you will see I commented on original post and then commented on wider issues within schools ( which have been being discussed in place of the OP). My comment re training is in relation to the wider issues within schools and the HT admitted so himself!

If you have read the whole thread that you will have seen that I made a statement about 4 year olds saying no and generally challenging boundaries as being perfectl;y normal age/stage behaviour - certainly not challenging. Although it would seem to have been a challenge for the teacher in OP to address behaviour and then ensure the child was emotionally ok before handing her over to someone else.

exoticfruits I totally agree with your last post - me too. In our defence, other people looking after our children and the way in which they do it is always going to be an emotive subject!!

LeeCoakley · 04/04/2012 09:41

Getting back to your original AIBU. The message was because your dd had started crying/continued to cry at home time. The teacher couldn't explain it to you personally so decided a message via the ASC was the best thing. Otherwise the ASC worker would say to you at pick-up that dd was crying when she came out of school but the teacher wouldn't say why! If you had been there, wouldn't you have wanted to know what had happened? The teacher would have explained it to you then and there and no need for the 'overkill' message.

The thread has deviated because of the extraordinary views/extrapolations/experience of mathsanxiety.

exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 13:19

I don't think that it was a challenge to the teacher in OP-it is perfectly normal behaviour. I would say that LeeCoakley has the most likely explanation.
And I would most definitely agree with her last sentence!

LeQueen · 04/04/2012 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 13:44

The whole incident was very simple.
One tired 4 yr old at the end of the day, and the end of the term, disrupts the story (very common) the teacher stops her and the DC cries. The teacher would generally have explained the tears had she handed over at the end of the day. She handed over to after school club and so told them instead. They explained to mother.
There is no need for mother to get heavy with DC or school-just a light hearted 'I wouldn't do it again, if you don't want to get into trouble' would be fine- and move on.

LeQueen · 04/04/2012 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2012 14:05

You weren't alone, LeQueen

exoticfruits · 04/04/2012 14:05

I always get sucked in by mad posters. Grin

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