Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

would i be unreasonable to contact social services / nspcc ?

107 replies

shouldireport · 28/03/2012 16:17

so as not to drip feed, i want to put as much info on my op as poss. so apologies if its long.

i have a friend with 2 dc. they are 5 YO and 6 months. she has a filthy house, i mean, floors caked with dust and filth, broken toys everywhere, old food left lying about. days and days worth of dirty pots all over the kitchen sides. random junk stacked up everywhere. the cooker, toaster, microwave etc is caked with brown filth. the whole house stinks as well as they never open the windows (or curtains). and the whole house is like it.

there are also 2 hamsters in a hamster cage in the kitchen ( ) that never gets cleaned out and stinks so bad of hamster-shit and wee, it honestly makes you gag when you walk in. (i actually feel sorry for the poor wee hamsters too :( )

i wish i could get across exactly how filthy the house is, its awful.

the 5 year old is always grubby and dirty, dirty hair and nails, clothes look very scruffy, too small for her, holes in clothes, shoes etc. the baby is better dressed but i think they may be still using all the new stuff they got for him when he was born. but he also is quite grubby, very long, dirty fingernails.

her bedroom is completely heartbreaking :( she has an old toddler bed just plonked in the middle of the room. no sheet or quilt or pillow. just a bare mattress and a grubby bare duvet, toddler size. not big enough for a five year old. her room is filled with crap, broken toys, clothes everywhere etc. and also dirty and dust-covered. there is no storage, her clothes etc are just strewn around the room. she regularly wets the bed as well.

she is also frightened of my friends P (not her real dad) he shouts at her all the time, calls her names and disciplines her by smacking her. and when my friend goes out without the dc (ie leaves them with her P) my friend tells her to stay in her bedroom until she gets back basically to keep her out of her P's way :( .

there is also an abusive situation going on with my friend and her P (he is mentally and financially abusive to her) but despite her coming to me and her other friends time and time again for advice, she won't do anything about it (ie kick him out) so to be honest my main concern now is for the dc, particularly the eldest but also now the baby is getting to a crawling age i dread to think of him crawling about in the dirt.

i think its probably the case that my friend is depressed and just not coping, and also her P does absolutely nothing round the house whatsoever, just leaves it all to her. he also wastes all their money (not that they have a lot, they are both on benefits) on gambling and stuff for himself. there is rarely enoough food or milk in the house.

i would hate the thought of her DC being taken away, i don't want that to happen to her, but i think something needs to be done. i know that the eldest DC's school has raised concerns as well. i am not nasty, i don't want to be malicious and i don't want to meddle, but i just have this horrible gut feeling it isn't right. and i am not the only one out of her friends. should i just stay out of it?

OP posts:

AutumnSummers · 30/03/2012 09:27

I really hope that the best possiblre outcome is achieved for the family. I'm frightened incase it sets her P off though. I really hope that he has the good sense to keep his cool.

Well done for giving your details to make this as thurough as possible. Very brave of you.

givemeaclue · 30/03/2012 09:54

its good you reported to NSPCC. They are a charity though with limited resources and will prioritise the worst cases - you still do need to report to the local social services - they have a responsibility to deal with the cases in their area - to help these children you must report to the local SS. Please please don't lose another day in doing this

porcamiseria · 30/03/2012 09:56

report xxxx

ComposHat · 30/03/2012 10:04

NSPCC have a shit load of money, sadly their main concern and budget seems to be taken up promoting themselves. A sorry excuse of a charity.

I would call social services directly.

renaldo · 30/03/2012 10:05

Can I just say Shouldireport that she is lucky to have such a good friend

bringbacksideburns · 30/03/2012 10:28

Someone said earlier in the thread about speaking to a Health Visitor too. For the 6 month old i think this would be a good idea.

No one in Social Services is supposed to divulge names if you are making a complaint.

I also think you should speak to your friend about this if nothing happens.

YNK · 30/03/2012 12:57

No need to call HV as well as SS. SS will assess and co ordinate all other services working to a plan that will address childrens needs.

fussbucket · 30/03/2012 13:03

I think you should report to SS as well as NSPCC, might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

aquashiv · 30/03/2012 13:06

The children arent receiving the basic level of care let alone all the other things you have said. You have to contact them.

Columbia999 · 30/03/2012 16:54

Well said, ComposHat!

Original poster

shouldireport · 04/05/2012 08:36

just wanted to update with this

have recently found out that this family have had a visit from SW recently

and they suspect me and some other people

they claim that the SW said my name. there is another thread in chat re this so apols for starting 2 conversations about it but i am really scared of recriminations now. and wanted as many opinions as poss

OP posts:

NarkedPuffin · 04/05/2012 08:47

SW should not have said you name and most probably didn't so just deny/feign shock,

ErikNorseman · 04/05/2012 10:18

Have you contacted the SW to clarify whether they mentioned your name?

TroublesomeEx · 04/05/2012 10:48

SW wouldn't have mentioned your name.

If she suspects you and other people, she can't be certain. She's just trying to intimidate you into confessing. She's probably in shock, embarrassed, feeling humiliated and worried about what this will mean for the future.

Just deny it. If there are any recriminations, you can go to the Police and that won't look good for her either so she'd be very silly to go down that road.

You did the right thing. x

lisad123 · 04/05/2012 10:56

They won't know who reported them, in all likelyhood the sw wouldn't know either as it would be recorded on system as not known if you ask to remain so. They likely know it's someone known to them if the information is about the house and girls room ect. Hang in there, deny everything. You did the right thing. Do you know what as did or said?

Youattheback · 04/05/2012 11:07

It doesn't matter if she has PND or not.
She is a grown adult who has made her own choiuces but the children are not. They are vulnerable.

TBH, I'm absolutely horrified you 1) Even need to ask if you should make a call and 2) Haven't done so already.

Sadly, there are many " mothers" like this who are shacked up with complete scrotes who either abuse their own children or turn a blind eye to the abuse their scum boyfriend inflicts.

ripsishere · 04/05/2012 11:30

You've read the thread all the way through then have you youattheback?

GrahamTribe · 04/05/2012 12:58

It's possible that the SW did mention your name, I'm afraid. I had a false accusation made by a nursery owner (who was pissed because my college had screwed up on paying the bill) about leaving my young DC. I was furious that anyone could say such a thing and demanded to know who said it. To cut a long story short, the SW who I put in her place spoke to on the phone eventually gave me the name. If I were you OP I'd be emailing to ask them (something like this you never phone about, always get it in writing).

Original poster

shouldireport · 05/05/2012 10:09

thanks

am hoping the family was just bluffing as i have heard nothing else since

lets hope those poor kids are getting some help now bless them.

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 05/05/2012 10:14

I know this has been said but do report it , the friend may have got her self in such a situation she cant see a way out . tbh i dont know why you havnt said anything to her before she obviously needs help as do her children its un healthy and neglectful no matter what rut she has got herself into , have Health visitors never been to her house , If she is your friend talk to her tell her she needs help for her children ASAP if you cant speak to her then report it . phone your local SS for advice do it today ,

Birdsgottafly · 05/05/2012 10:16

Compos- out of interest how long ago was that. That shouldn't happen now because of the shortening of the time scale inbetween LAC meetings and the increases responsibility of the IRO, who is the consistant person throughout the process?

Lovelynewboots · 05/05/2012 10:17

Just read the thread through, you so did the right thing. Took a lot of courage shouldireport.

slartybartfast · 05/05/2012 10:19

she needed help, she got the help. just deny it though

insancerre · 05/05/2012 10:20

well done op, you did the right thing

Mrsjay · 05/05/2012 10:21

Oh i really should read threads all the way through you did the right thing for those children ,

Flip

1 2 3 4 5