AIBU to believe smacking doesn't have to be part of disciplining your child?

[BulletProof]

DS is only 2, so I obviously am not that experienced in the trials and tribulations of raising children but I often hear parents are annoyed that the government has banned smacking as a form of discipline. I personally intend not to resort to smacking but what does everyone else think?

The thing that has caught my attention is people blaming the smacking ban for the London riots and lack of discipline in today's youth...

Gentleness he's just testing the boundaries so you just keep reinforcing them calmly and patiently like "you need to hold mummy's hand now" if he runs you repeat "you need to hold mummy's hand or you will sit in your buggy" no holding hands means sitting in the buggy. If he's being destructive you say "play with that nicely" if he continues you say "play with that nicely or mummy will take it away" If he doesn't play nicely you remove.
Not smacking doesn't mean you are a pushover,I always expected good behaviour and in some ways I was a tough taskmaster.
I think the danger of smacking when small is that as a parent you don't learn all the tricks and strategies that you pick up when you don't smack, you break the trust that your child has in you and it makes it too easy to fall back on a smack when times get tough.
You see smacking as an ultimate sanction, what if your child does too? What if at five or six you try the sorts of things that I do and your child thinks "well she's obviously not serious because she's not threatened to smack yet so I'll carry on"
That's why I don't think there is ever a right time to smack.

I did smack my oldest dc once hard in the bum as he was being irritating and I was stressed. He is now 22 and still teases me about this as he knows I feel so bad about it. Never smacked other 3.

I was smacked lots as a child and this didn't stop me or my sister being frankly naughty so it doesn't work really so no point.

Mind u I don't agree with all the wooly ignoring of bad behaviour as that just makes children confused as to boundaries.

I am now cm and have no discipline problems at all as I am consistant, firm and fair, they know where they stand and behave much better for me than they do for their own parents but that's normal.

I don't feel that my thread is in the wrong section, although feel free to get it moved to parenting. I completely agree with insanity... My ds is delayed and he still understands simple instructions and physical prompting as 2yrs old.

If you do use smacking at home as a form of discipline, how will nursery staff/childminders/school be able to discipline your child effectively when they and be consistent with what happens at home ?

I do think you have to be consistent and not let any inappropriate behaviour go without consequence from a young age. Hopefully, then it won't escalate to the point where you have to resort to smacking as the child will already know that particular behaviour is not an option. Also I'm all for distraction, entertainment, involvement, anything that encourages appropriate behaviour to reduce the time they have to behave inappropriately. If my ds ran off in shops, he would be strapped in pushchair as a last resort to stop the behaviour but I wouldn't be smacking him.

I remember getting very angry and more rebellious and stubborn after being smacked as it felt unfair and like a violation. I think it also made me turn to these emotions more than thinking things through rationally as I didn't feel respected. Sometimes I didnt even want to do x or y behaviour but would in defiance at the smacking...

The worst thing is when you get smacked for doing something bad or stupid that was completely unintentional... Doesn't do much for a child's self esteem. I think you really have to make sure you understand why the child is behaving that way and use an appropriate response. Smacking only seems suitable when the child is being completely defiant, but it is probably likely to make them more defiant and then a cycle has begun that is difficult to sustain.

As a smacked child I certainly weighed up my choices carefully, some things were worth the risk of a smack, others weren't. My brother and I were adored by our parents and given every opportunity in life they could afford on modest wages. I certainly don't see myself as abused or a victim of ignorant parents. They did what they believed at the time was best and raised two well behaved children who have a good sense of right and wrong.

I used the old "tap on the wrist" with my son, literally two fingers of my hand on the wrist, wouldn't hurt a fly, but the shock of the physical action and that we have past explanation and negotiation was enough for him to realise mummy is being firm for a damn good reason. He's now eight, this tap was used between ages 3-5. Warning is now enough.

I didn't use this method lightly, I think sometimes negotiating with a three year old equipped me to work in hostile negotiations with terrorists and the like.

:) at I think sometimes negotiating with a three year old equipped me to work in hostile negotiations with terrorists and the like

Gentleness and anyone else interested in practical advice/examples of parenting without using punishments, there are fairly regular threads in the Parenting section with "unconditional parenting" or "UP" in the titles, worth a read - there is nothing to stop anybody taking techniques from a UP approach and using them alongside other forms of discipline.

As a smacked child I certainly weighed up my choices carefully, some things were worth the risk of a smack, others weren't.

But for a lot of children the smaking is random, as others have said laughed at one day and hit another day for the same thing. Not knowing if or when you are going to be hit is IMHO terrifying to a young child.

That would be terrifying for anybody :( I don't for a minute think that's how most parents discipline, whatever methods they use.

I see your point sashh but that's not discipline, discipline the way I received it was cause and effect with clear correlations. Climbing onto the neighbors roof, worth my ball, but worth the smack? I'd never climbed onto the roof before, so there was no "last time" to draw what the consequences would be as such.

It was worth my ball but not the smack, I was a hero in the street though. But I didn't do it again, not because my 7 year old self worried a flat felt roof was likely to give way under me despite my parents warning, but because of the clip on the bum I knew I'd get.