AIBU to believe smacking doesn't have to be part of disciplining your child?

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DS is only 2, so I obviously am not that experienced in the trials and tribulations of raising children but I often hear parents are annoyed that the government has banned smacking as a form of discipline. I personally intend not to resort to smacking but what does everyone else think?

The thing that has caught my attention is people blaming the smacking ban for the London riots and lack of discipline in today's youth...

"If an adult was about to be run over by a car or attacked by a vicious dog you could grab them or push them aside without it counting as assault."

Cory - yes - but you couldn't pick up a tantrumming adult and carry them out of the room because they were spoiling a birthday party, or force them to hold onto your hand in a supermarket so they didn't run away, etc etc.

I'm not saying I agree with smacking btw.

Interesting point, Winkly. Clearly it's impossible to legislate against everything, and really public education is the way.

Re the link between smacking and the recent riots, i think that if you were actually able to do a study of those involved, you may well find a greater incidence of violence against the perpetrators as children, rather than the other way round.

If I hit an adult to make them behave in a way I find acceptable it's called assault.

If I do it to a child it's called smacking.

That's just bizarre.

I completely agree with you. I loath smacking. Have never understood how it is unacceptable an illegal to hit anybody else besides your own child. I have the most amazing parents but my dad occasionally hit me and though I don't hold it against him now i still feel horrible when I think about it and resent it. I have never and would never hit my DD.

DP was horribly abused as a child and totally agrees with me.

Not smacking should always be used as a way of claiming moral superiority over others.

x post sidge

winkly how is picking a child up when they are having a tantrum the same as hitting them?

When I see people smacking kids it makes me very uncomfortable.

That feeling alone is enough to put me off smacking my own.

I have come to the conclusion that the smacking debate is daft as there are only really two types of parents - people who are good at it and people who aren't. I am sure a lot of good parents smack - they just don't admit to it. Oh, and also good parents are probably the ones that are also around their children enough to know that it won't damage them emotionally.

Sorry for the vitriol - I have had a bad day, involving my own non-smacking mother who still managed to emotionally damage me regardless of the fact that she never laid a finger on me - another thread altogether!

I don't believe in slapping children. I have never hit DD and I don't believe I ever would. I wouldn't hit an adult, so why on earth would I hit a child, especially my beloved DD? I think that patience, boundaries, firmness, talking, explaining and giving a child enough respect to hear their views will usually manage difficult situations and tantrums etc; absolutely no need to hit.

DD once saw an woman hit her child and was so stunned that she burst into tears, asking "why would she do that"? I said (loudly, so the woman could hear) "because she is a bully".

How uncontroversial is your AIBU on MN?

The one piece of advice I give to any new/soon to be parent who asks, is never say 'NEVER' in relation to your children!

Well said Old Pink Pussy Cat

cherries it's not the same but both are uses of force that would be assault if carried out against an adult. Meaning legislating against smacking without criminalising other technical assaults would be difficult. That's all.

As I said I don't actually hold with smacking at all.

The one piece of advice I give to any new/soon to be parent who asks, is never say 'NEVER' in relation to your children!

And with those wise words, I think we can close the thread to all except those who want to wallow in their moral superiority :o

I agree with you all in principle but..............

My children are now grown up and smacking was not so frowned upon then, they were very, very rarely smacked but the threat of it was a useful deterrent. In fact the deterrent effect was out of all proportion to the actuality. On the odd occasions when I smacked them it upset me more than them but the good thing was that, rather than sanctions dragging on, the whole issue was quickly over and done with.

I have read threads on here recently of people asking advice on really quite young children they cannot control, yet I don't think I ever came across that in the days when mine were young. There may be no connection at all but what do you do if you tell a 5 or 10 year old off and they won't listen to you if you have no way to discipline them?

I'm off to hide now as I know you're all going to shout at me.

I would honestly say, there is a correlation between a generation that are either too scared to smack their children, or refuse to... and a generation of kids that have an attitude that nobody over 35 would dare to have had with their parents/teachers when they were young.

I also think Esther Rantzen has lot to answer for!

I personally think that if your child is going to run into the road, poke a wasps nest or put his finger in an electric socket, a short sharp smack is probably a good way of showing them that the occupation is going to end in them being hurt, without them actually being run over, stung or electrocuted! That's generally about the only situation when I have smacked my children.

Am in total agreement with the pink furry one.

Smacking is a parenting tool that when used correctly is completely appropriate. Liking it to assault on a grown adult is ridiculous and completely sums up the nature of those who swear it's child abuse.

:o

My DM smacked me as a child, often for things I had not done or for not eating something. She was a very small woman under 5ft. By the time I reached 11 I was bigger than her and started smacking her back. If I asked her for something and she said no I smacked her, I found it strange that she thought it unreasonable and soon agreed there would be no more smacking.

My DM smacked me as a child, often for things I had not done or for not eating something. She was a very small woman under 5ft. By the time I reached 11 I was bigger than her and started smacking her back. If I asked her for something and she said no I smacked her, I found it strange that she thought it unreasonable and soon agreed there would be no more smacking.

So child abuse not smacking.

I remember being smacked as a child. Not particularly hard, not a beating, just a slap, occasionally.

It hurt. I felt humilated.

I have not and will not forgive my parents for hitting me. Not just for the pain it inflicted but for the utter powerlessness of it. And the violence behind it. Hitting children is wrong.