MIL just had a rant down the phone at me - DD hasn't been wearing her brace and MIL thinks I should 'make' her.

[sandyballs]

How exactly do I 'make' an 11 year old wear a brace. Forcibly pin her down and shove it in?

Why does interfering MIL think it is that easy. 'Just make her, I would, just tell her and she should do it'.

I've tried bribing, begging, telling her horror stories about dodgy adult teeth.

OP, what has your DD said about wearing the brace? As someone who had years of painful orthodontic treatment and ginormous braces as a teenager, I can sympathise with her (mine were fixed to my teeth so I had no choice re wearing them though).

I am terrified of dentists as a result!

I wonder if you could have a chat with the orthodontist and DD at the same time, and ask if she can start by wearing the braces at night and at home, and take them out when she eats and if during PE lessons etc where she might feel more self-conscious? Just a thought ...

I arrived in a new town, started secondary school and promptly needed treatment for my ears and teeth. I was already wearing glasses, I couldn't hear everything people said to me unless I was looking at them and suddenly I had to wear a brace that prevented me from speaking clearly.

No wonder I was a target for bullying.

Given all of the above and the fact that my braces were desperately uncomfortable and the only thing I had any actual control over (no choice about being new/needing glasses/struggling to hear), I simply stopped wearing my brace.

My teeth are a mess, but 30 years later I still don't regret walking away from the braces.

Oh dear, I hope your DD starts wearing it again. Getting orthodontics when you're a child and the bones are still growing is a much better option than trying to go through oral surgery as an adult. I agree with the posters who have suggested having her sit down with the orthodontist again - if she is normally respectful with other adults (in cases where she might otherwise ignore you), then that might be your best bet.

I had several different braces from about age 7 to age 12. Some of them I wore consistently, others I wasn't as bothered with. My Frankel took some convincing for me to wear at 8, and I pretty much ignored my headgear at 10. Both were embarrassing to wear and to take out at lunchtime so I could eat. My orthodontist was engaged enough to keep trying different overbite treatments until one worked for me, though, and then I moved on to metal braces. I got to go to high school with straight teeth. :) I had a Lisa Simpson style overbite to begin with, so the work was worth it!

I think you massively missed my point. I was saying that if a treatment was serious enough then one would find a way. Rather borne out by my subsequent comnent that the op is not compelling her child because she does not see it as important enough. And I never said force.

But let's not let accuracy stand in the way of a good , eh.

oh dear, can you not make 11 year olds do something when you are their parent? Surely you just tell them to - or am i being really naive?

Spuddybean - not when that thing is painful, embarassing, distressing or all three, no!

OP I think this depends massively on how medically necessary the brace is.

E.g.: I have a small lower jaw with my front teeth v crowded as a result. I couldn't floss them properly. I had a brace when I was a teen to sort this out, as there is a history of hereditary gum disease in my family and if I couldn't clean my teeth properly, I'd be at serious risk of tooth loss by now.

That is a real, genuine medical reason.

Equally, my DSis4 had quite wonky teeth that probably would've meant she got picked on but it wasn't strictly necessary to correct them. She had a really horrid device called a palate spreader with a key that turned and basically separated/ stretched the bone over a period of time. She used to get awful aches in her mouth and have to take painkillers.

Actually, she was okay with this - but personally I think it would've been massively unethical if she had not wanted it and my parents had tried to force her. 11 is a child but surely there is some kind of Gillick competency issue here?? The child is the one who will have to go through pain - and being unable to eat or talk is a big deal - and possibly for no result, as orthodontic treatment is not always successful long-term.

Why does she get absolutely no say?

Also, genuine Q to the people who think this is okay to force on a child - what other medical treatments would you be comfortable forcing on them?

Let's say you suspected your DD had had sex: would you subject her to a forced PG test or gynae exam? Would you make her go on the pill, even if it gave her horrible side effects?

If the brace is partially for aesthetic reasons, is it okay to subject your unwilling daughter to pain to correct what you don't like about her appearance?

Not trying to be narky, just really trying to understand the thinking behind this.

If you were out of in labour, by the same logic, would you be okay with a doctor forcing a treatment on you that you strongly objected to?

Agree with JustHecate.

This is also your DHs problem, why is she not shouting at him?
I completely agree with her, BTW, in that this brace needs wearing...or not.
Go back to the orthodontist. Get your DD to tell them honestly about how much she us wearing it or is prepared to wear it. I agree that this is not something you can 'force' your child to do - they need to be willing as well.

But - wearing it on and off, depending whether your DD wants to, is dangerous for the teeth. If they are pressurised in one direction, allowed to relapse, pressurised again etc, it can lead to problems with the root. So it's not something to take lightly.

Knowing how difficult it is getting this sort of treatment i'm with your mil on this one, you need to step up.

My daughter age 11 was eligible for a brace. Whether or not she saw n orthodentist was up to her as it is a cosmetic procedure (well was in her case). She was told that if she decided to have the brace then she had to wear it until the treatment was complete.
She decided to have the brace and we insisted she wore it, although for a year it was a permanent fixture so she couldn't remove it anyway. Later she had retainers to wear every night and we were strict about those. Your daughter is a child, of course at age 11 you can tell her what to do. that's what parenting is all about. You aren't your daughter's friend you're her parent.

My daughter had a brace and traintracks and fixed her overbite and it made her v pretty, she'd had a weakish chin (like the rest of us) and sloping in teeth (which always look dingy as they don't reflect the light as normal). It was all corrected and it made a great difference.

Look at american teenagers, they all have firm chins and even teeth. This is why. V flattering.

ORthodontist was v nice lady.

I'd suggest MIL talk to her not you. I'd also suggest you have a word about consequences.

If it's sore/rubbing, a million years ago (20 years ago, crikey!) there were kits you could buy for a few pounds with silicon strips and a powerful numbing gel to get you through the initial discomfort when it was tightened. It was also a bit of a fashion accessory along with Body Shop lip balm!

Good luck, she'll definitely regret it if she doesn't wear it. I was the same with mine and treatment took about 18 months longer than it should. But I look back now and am soooo glad I worked at it. My wedding photos would've looked very, very different!

this is not a parenting point of view as DD is 2 but dental, for every case there is an optimum age for doing treatment and it depends on rtreatment for the majority the ionset of puberty growth spurt is ideal which for most girls is 11-13 done later takes longer , can be done but best results need best timing in line with bone grwth, there is little growth in girls faces beyond 12-13 while for boys mandible grows and deepens upto age 18

while child of this age does understand consequnences they are not completely mature to take decisions for themselves which is why medico- legally a child at this age will be included and taken seriously in discussions but does not have final say.

I think both parents need to be on side and there do need to be consequences for not wearing, these type of braces are uncomfortable and you can only get used to it by wearing it, will never get used to it if keeps going in pocket and wearing a few hours a day is pointless as if wear it 6 hours a day spends 18 hours reverting all braces need 22 hours wear ie just not when cleaning teeth or contact sports if removable.

OP needs to talk with DD and orthodontist, it is not a mild problem otherwise i can assure you there is no part of uk where she would get NHS treatment as orthodontists are like gold dust

I think at 11 you could make her wear it once checked over to make sure it does fit and not rubbing anywhere

genuine Q to the people who think this is okay to force on a child - what other medical treatments would you be comfortable forcing on them?

It is one of a parent's duties to make medical decisions for their children. I'm surprised that you think this is coercive or somehow unreasonable.

It is unreasonable and unfair to expect a child to make potentially life altering medical decisions themselves. A good parent should explain things to their child, and try to make sure that they are as happy and comfortable as possible with what is going to happen, and act in the very best interests of the child, but it is the parent who takes medical decisions, not the child.

My DD1 would love a brace to correct her wonkly teeth. Unfortunately she has inherited my dmum's lovely bright white teeth which are therefore very weak and crumbly(Dmum had all hers ripped out at 21 for falsies)
Will DD1 brush her teeth properly or floss? Will she buggery, unless I stand over her and remind her everyday.

She is almost 16 FFS and she hasn't cottoned onto how good care now means keeping her natural teeth until she is 30, or hopefully longer. SHe just heard 'if you don't keep your teeth clean you will lose them all before you reach 20' and 'if you have a brace it will just sink into your teeth'
That pissed her off and put her in a great big sulk.

Keep talking to her and maybe show her a few horror story pics so she can see what her teeth will look like and the damage she could do without treatment.
A good considerate dentist/orthodontist is a must as well or they will just dismiss her and give their time to someone who wants the treatment.
And braces cost after you are 18 even if you are eligeble for nhs treatment

"genuine Q to the people who think this is okay to force on a child - what other medical treatments would you be comfortable forcing on them?"

I was more than happy to force DS2 to have IV antibiotics and subsequently force him to tai the oral ones. I have also, as I said, forced both him and DS1 to wear their braces. Do I feel like shit doing it? Absolutely. Does that stop me doing it? No.

I didnt have my brace until I was 17, it took two years to work.

If she doesnt want to wear it what can you do?.

I find this thread quite odd. My children are in a minority in that they have not needed braces. DD has had a tiny bit of cosmetic dental work on her two front teeth to close a gap; DS has had a retainer just to even up a bit. Both of them have lusted after jewel encrusted train tracks like most of their friends. However, their teeth are very nearly perfect without them and I have not been minded to spend several thousand pounds on each to achieve a film star smile rather than a perfectly good smile.

What do you find odd about it?

marriedinwhite - why is this thread odd?
The OP is having problems getting her DD to do something. (BTW - if these braces are 'functional appliances' they are very, very, very different to train tracks. Imagine literally centimeters of plastic jammed in your mouth, it's a nightmare to eat, talk or smile. It takes a kid who is desperate to have straight teeth to comply.)
The answer you've given is a bit like saying to someone whose kids are fussy eaters, 'well my DCs are marvellous eaters.'
All children have things that they are challenged by, and this little girl is obviously struggling with braces. And short of the OP following her around 24/7 it is going to, in the end, have to be the little girls decision to wear them.

There is a world of difference between different kinds of braces and whether the child can cope.