MIL just had a rant down the phone at me - DD hasn't been wearing her brace and MIL thinks I should 'make' her.

[sandyballs]

How exactly do I 'make' an 11 year old wear a brace. Forcibly pin her down and shove it in?

Why does interfering MIL think it is that easy. 'Just make her, I would, just tell her and she should do it'.

I've tried bribing, begging, telling her horror stories about dodgy adult teeth.

I think 11 is a bit young for a brace unless the child is really upset with their appearance and will wear it. My DD is 13 nearly 14 and is only just going to the orthodontist, admittedly we as a family do seem to be quite slow at getting our adult teeth, which is part of the reason. But we have discussed the problems wi her, and I expect the Orthodontist to do the same.

I wonder if the dentist would let her wait til the summer holidays, if the problem is that she will get teased at school? Then by the time school starts again she will be used to it.
I can totally sympathise with her, andyou dont want to give her phobias.

in the Op defence when my dd wouldnt wear hers I did punish and withhold privelages for months , she hated it in her mouth she would wear it going out the door then take it out , She was 12 , She didnt turn the screw that she was supposed to , I dont see why I should be messing about trying to do it , If they wont wear it after bribery begging pleading being mean to them and trying to be pleasant about it , what else is there , Force it in their mouths , I am in no way a pushover with my children , but the brace beat me

You have to make her wear it, by hook or by crook. I had a brace from the age of 11 until I was 18 I had a very dodgy dentist, I hated every minute of it, but I knew I had to wear it.

The brace is a tough one. I had braces at 17 and at that age I was old enough to appreciate the cost of the treatment and the benefit it would give me. My sister was about 12 when she got hers and it was constant battle, I don't think she understood well enough how important it was to persist. In the end my treatment worked out brilliantly and I have great teeth while my sister's teeth went back to being higgledy piggledy within a few years.

Could the treatment be delayed for a while? Wearing those braces really is awful, I found it so depressing and horrible and it was only through sheer bloody mindedness that I kept going. Even my orthodontist was impressed with my commitment - she said my treatment was a lot faster than it otherwise would have been due to my dedication. I think they expect most teenagers to be a bit shit at it.

I'm not sure I would punish an 11 year old for not wearing a brace that she finds uncomfortable. I would speak to the dentist and see if she can put it off for a year.

no brace = no pocket money etc surely?

All the posters saying she should "make her wear it" , how?
I remember at around 13 I became a complete nightmare and was always bunking off school and sneaking out to parties. People said my parents should have made me go to school. They used to drop me off but I would just walk out again. How could they have made me?

I had braces for several years as a teenager to correct crooked teeth and I had extractions to make room for them. None of it worked. My teeth just went back to the way they wanted to be - crooked.

having has 2 daughters with very crooked teeth, both started the brace treatment you describe with a headbrace for years from around 7 years old. However, mine were advised to wear them at night, and only two hours in the daytime due to problems with eating/ speaking otherwise. Much better compliance! Would that be an option?

DD1 (18) has recently had her braces removed- she is braces free for the first time in 11 years, and says it feels really strange. Her teeth are lovely now, though.

She had many years of treatment to force the jaw to expand etc, which had little impact on the position of teeth/ cosmetic aspect- she had a lightbulb moment a few months after the train-tracks were on, and she looked in the mirror one morning and screamed "look, look- my teeth are STRAIGHT", and suddenly understood what we had been working towards

She is really lucky to be getting that type of brace - my DD's cost £££'s.
Can you get her to wear it at night for a while until she gets used to it? It will get easier for her to manage after a while. DS was like your DD, I gave up paying half way through his treatment, as it was a waste. His teeth are horrible, but my DD's are beautiful now at 14.

For all those saying it is too young, it is only possible for that sort of brace to be effective whilst the bone is still growing.

Do you know for sure why your DD won't wear her brace?

My DD (9) has the same appliance and really struggled at first because it was rubbing against her gum. She stuck with it and ended up with a huge, huge ulcer that took two weeks to heal (brace had to stay out the whole time).

We went back to the orthodontist, he made some adjustments, she's been wearing it since then with no problems.

If the problem is teasing at school, then the issue is bullying and the school need to be made aware so they can solve this for her.

V annoying to have your MIL telling you to "make her" and I do sympathise...but I suspect she's trying (in a v cack-handed way) to help.

To be honest, unkess there are some sort of special needs involved I am pretty shocked that people think a child cannot be made to do something.
It is a totally valid debate as to how you do it and when it is appropriate. But the truth is that if you can't make an 8 year old do as they are told you have slightly lost the plot.

If she had to have insulin injections or she may die you would be able to make her. If she decided that what she liked best to do in all the world was climb on the roof, you would make ger stop.
The issue is not whether you can make her or not but whether you are prepared to do the things that you would need to do to gain her compliance.
It seems you are not so that is kind of the end of it . MIL may have a point but it is not her place to interfere.

I agree with worra I can make me 11 year old do pretty much anything, not by pinning him down and forcing him but I would take away X box etc and make it very clear he must wear it or else there will be dire consequences along with crooked teeth.

Sandyballs - is it a brace or is it actually a 'functional applicance' - big blocks especially accross the bottom teeth?

If you have only recently got it have you had it checked?

My DD 11 has one and cried solid for about 48 hrs when she got it and despite being previously exicted to start on the (long) to great teeth said she was not going to wear it and didn't care what her teeth looked like. Anyway took her back and there was a problem with the fit - after adjustment it was not so bad.

Unfortunately 5 months on she still cannot talk properly with it in but overbite has reduced from 11.5mm to 6.5 mm so she is really motivated now. She is currently having to turn the the key once a week on the top appliance.

What helped us was a friend who is an orthodontist (but not hers) had a firm but friendly chat with her.

BUT - they are horrible - I had totally underestimated the impact as thought she was just getting a removable brace. 5 months on she says her mouth feels odd without it in!!

Also it is worth remembering that these types of appliances (to move the jaw) work really well at this age but past 14 it is very difficult to get the necessary movement so it may be a case of now or never!!

Good Luck.

The issue is not whether you can make her or not but whether you are prepared to do the things that you would need to do to gain her compliance

Quite!

Pagwatch makes a very good point. It's a medical issue, or the NHS wouldn't be funding it.

Saying that - I stand by my point that you need to get to the bottom of why she doesn't want to wear it. Painful fit can be corrected. Bullies can be stopped. But you need to find out what the problem is.

Norahelmer - these days once treatment has finished they put a fine wire behind the teeth to keep them in place permanently, Also have a back up,clear brace in case it snaps.
I had mine straightened again a couple of years ago with invisible braces, as I had your problem too. i didn't want a wire so wear the invisible one every night to keep them straight, if I don't within a couple of days they are on the move again!

In my defence my DS used to be compliant at the weekends, but he was at boarding school during the week, and they didn't police him. It got to the stage that he was too old for the functional appliance to work, so we wasted our money. Maybe I should have claimed it back from the school!

Sandy, my DD was v resistant to getting a brace, aged 11, because she had to have 4 teeth removed and is petrified of needles. TBH it would have been easy to just let her teeth be crooked because it upset me to make her get the treatment done. ( and to hold her hand through the extractions.)
However I know 100% she would hate crooked teeth as she gets older, and would probably blame me for being too soft on her. She has now had her fixed brace for 9 months and we can already see her teeth straightening out. One method I used to get her to accept the brace was sheer bribery - we are going to take a trip away together, just us two, as a reward in summer.
I think MIL has got a point, but I can see it must be difficult for you. Use a mix of threats, punishment and bribes to get your own way - works in most scenarios I find! She will thank you when she is an adult with beautiful straight teeth I promise.

OP, I would try bribery. If you want to yell and shout everyday, fine. But the promise of something worthwhile at the end of the treatment may change your DD's view of her priorities - "pain" now for gain later. Ask her to name a few things she would like to be given in a year's time (or at end of treatment, or half way through etc), and work out if you can make a deal.

Why are people blasting the OP shes said shes tried bribing,telling her horror stories

11 year olds are old enough to realise if they don't take good advice they'll pay for it in the long term.

if the OP physically forced her it would verge on violent abuse.

I would personally say 'I agree , direct your advice towards DD as she wont take it from me'.

I agree with others who say that you should be taking charge on this and enforcing a punishment for not wearing it.

As a child you don't realise how much judgement is put onto you, when you have bad teeth,this is something that the parent controls, not the child.

Why rant at you? The child has 2 parents, yes? Did your mil call her son to rant at him too?

I had a brace as a child. One of the ones that you can remove. I didn't wear it because it made me talk funny. It was horrible.

As a result - I have a huge overbite that I can stick the tip of my tongue through, and I can't bite things -eg sandwich - with my front teeth. My teeth don't connect, so I've no bite. My jaw's also ever so slightly 'off', so my top and bottom teeth aren't level against each other, iyswim.

I will say - it's not the end of the world. It doesn't look freakish or anything, but it's bloody inconvenient, so if she can be persuaded to wear it, it will be better for her