MIL said this to my DS.....

[leothelioness]

MIL has always been quick tempered and has a foul mouth if she is upset but today she took it a step too far. DS 8 pushed MIL as he was walking out of a room as she was winding him up (admittedly he was at fault and should not have pushed her at all) but she started really shouting at him things like 'you are a horrrid boy' 'I hate you' etc etc anyway it was loud enough that I heard her in the garden. I came in to find out what happened DS ran out of the room crying and was still within ear shot when she continued that 'he has bad blood just like ' 'I hate him' and she was swearing again and again.
I said to DH tell her to stop swearing, he has grown up with it and does not view it as strongly as I do and just said to her stop it its enough as both he and DS were just about to go out they did and she just wnet up to the bedroom still mumbling.
I am still fuming how dare she speak to my child that way.
Am I overreacting? am so angry that I dont know what to do.

Hmmmm.

The woman sounds like an arsehole and I would ban her from my home if she spoke like that all the time in front of children.

Your son shouldn't be physically aggressive with adults, though. You should probably go and cuddle him and reassure him that he is not horrid but point out that pushing grandparents is not on, whether they're arseholes or not.

I don't think you're overreacting at all! Like you said, DS shouldn't have pushed her but she completely over-reacted! There's never an excuse for saying "I hate you" to a child :(

Totally unacceptable from MIL. Does she have any issues?

Not excusing her in any way, but why was your 8 year old 'pushing' your MIL 'as she was winding him up'???

Bad blood like who?

I immediately pulled up DS on the pushing and he was sorry but too upset to apologise.
Unfortunately MIL is living with us at the moment so it makes the situation even worse I cant ask her to leave as she has nowhere to go.

She is toxic and your DS should not be exposed to her ever again. I had VERY toxic grandparents and I will always be angry and resentful with my parents (who are both dead but I am still angry and resentful) for not keeping me away from them.

That said, you do need to have words with your DS about the deliberate pushing. If he's grown up seeing his grandmother lashing out verbally, you don't want him getting the idea that pushing someone in retaliation is OK.

'bad blood' like another relative she does not like very much, it was just another insult.

YANBU. That is a horrible way to speak to a child! I think you need to have a serious talk with DH and explain to him how you feel. You can't have someone in your house who shouts torrents of abusive language at your child.

An 8 year old child is capable of walking away from someone who is winding him up, and I think if he has to keep seeing her he needs to know it is ok to walk away but never to be physical.

Your MIL sounds odd though. If she was swearing, winding up my dc we would be seeing very little of her and seen as she has told you she hates him then she shouldn't be bothered should she.

Sorry, x-posted with you OP.

Quite frankly, it is not your problem that this horrible woman has nowhere else to go - your son's needs trump hers.

What are you going to do to protect him from her? Because belive me, he will grow up resenting you like hell for exposing him to such a vile woman.

You need to have a chat with your DH about this and make it very clear whose needs come first.

Is she staying in your home?

As I said he has been dealt with immediately re. the pushing.

She's living with you!

That sounds awful. Not sure what the situation is but can you not go into the housing office and say you will be evicting her in a fortnight/week so they need to find her accomadation. Why does she have nowhere to go??

Well you cannot allow her to do this to your DS.

You need to set bounderies over her behaviour. I grew up with this behaviour and made it clear that i wouldn't have it around my children.

It is damaging to children and teaching them nothing but negative/aggressive behaviour.

yes narked she has only been here a week and I have already had enough, she walks about like she owns the place, thinks she is always right etc etc.

I will be speaking to DH very clearly when he returns ( he has taken DS out) regarding his mothers behaviour.

Also if your DS has to become phsyically aggressive with her before she stops goading him, then, quite frankly, she needs to go.

I would be very concerned if he only reacts like that around her, it is obviously a sign that something is very wrong.

This is dreadful, what was she saying to wind him up? Also was she barring his exit from the room, if so I would be much more lenient with the pushing since he needed the option to leave the situation.

When you say she has nowhere to go does that mean absolutly nowhere? AFAIK the local authority would have to house her if you kicked her out.

Your home is meant to be a safe space for you and your children, he does not deserve to have his bully living in his house.

As I have said he knows he must never push and he was sorry as soon as he did it but would not even give him the chance to apologise and just kept shouting.
She normally lives abroad and if the situation is not improved she will be going back very very soon

Snapes she was standing in the door way but there is another door out of the room so he could have used that to leave.

Terrible behaviour from both your DS and your MIL.

I am that an 8yo would push a grandparent (or any other adult for that matter)!
But then again, there is absolutely no excuse for foul language and nastiness from a grown up towards a child.

Leo she owes your son an apology, he needs to say sorry too. Then she needs to move out of your house. No excuse could justify what she said to your DS.

Why do you have to wait for your DH to speak to her ? She is being rude in your house and you have the right to tell her it isnt on

to those posters who say that she needs to kick out the mil... would you really want to live with a man who kicked his own mother out of the house, knowing she had nowhere to go? i know that no matter how godawful 'd'h was, I would find that unforgivable.
yes, the mil sounds awful, and completely out of order. but kicking her out isnt the answer. a mature discussion between the op and her dh, and thereafter with the dc is in order.