to not always answer the phone, simply because it's ringing?

[abigboydidit]

So, this has now become such an issue for my MIL that am putting it to the vote & resolve to mend my ways if the MN jury say IABU.

In brief, I only answer my phone at times when it is convenient, polite & safe to do so. For example..if I am out for coffee with a friend, I keep it on silent but only answer if it is the nursery (as I'd assume it was an emergency). Similarly, if am driving I ignore it completely (I have a hands free kit but no voice activated answering) and see to it when I get to my destination.

This is infuriating my MIL. She leaves incredibly rude & abrupt voicemail messages (along the lines of how ridiculous it is that I'm not answering) &/or will call repeatedly until I answer (I have pulled off the motorway a few times in a panic over this!). It has never yet been an emergency, or even anything important. Generally it is along the lines of "I went to town today and bought new tea towels and wondered if you wanted our old ones" (yes, really!).

I have explained to her that if I am with a friend or we have people over for dinner, it seems rude to leave them to go and have a conversation on the phone. Equally, I have tried answering and explaining to her that it is not a good time to chat. Unfortunately, she wont take a hint and am always on the phone for at least 20 minutes.

I should add, she has a good social life and lots of friends. I see her at least once a week, so the calls are not because she is lonely.

So.. AIBU?

YANBU - a ringing phone is a request not a demand.

YANBU. I'll always answer the phone when it is safe and convenient to do so. But on occasions when it isn't, it goes unanswered. Your MIL sounds awfully demanding given the trivia that she needs to impart with such urgency and I'm afraid it would make me even less likely to pick up the phone when she rang!

YANBU

You are being sensible. I like what Chocobo said about it being a request not a demand

YANBU. My dad complains like this too. I don't answer if I don't want to talk! Unless childminder or someone like that. People can leave a message if they want to. Rarely answer landline at all, except to just shut it up.

YANBU I find mobile phones quite intrusive. I was having coffee with a friend when her mobile rang, she answered it and was chatting away for about 5 minutes while I was just sat there, I thought that was quite rude.

YANBU immobile phones are for your convenience, not others. She is being v rude & uneasonable!

This is one of my pet hates. Just because I have a mobile phone and it rings it does not mean I HAVE TO BLOODY ANSWER IT! Seriously, I have a sister who will ring endlessly until I answer it and tell her to stop calling me, I will call her back when I can (or want to)... Drives me BONKERS...

And breathe

Mobile!!! D'oh!

Your mil is a loon

I will quite often not answer the phone, even if it is safe and not rude to do so.

Although my mobile is always with me, it's my choice whether to answer it or not.

I'd be surprised if anyone sides with your mil.

My MIL is the same! Not dropping everything and running to answer a ringing phone is an alien concept! Can you give her her own special ringtone so you know it's her and don't panic at the repeated calls? Or tell her if she doesn't pack it in, you'll change your number and she won't get your new one. A ringing phone means someone WANTS to talk to you, not that you HAVE to talk to them.

Totally NBU!! How will she feel when you all die in a fireball on the motorway because you were trying to comply with her demands that you answer the phone!! I exaggerate, obviously, but you get what I mean. How about the next time you visit, arrange for a friend to ring you, spend the entire visit chatting on the phone and then when you have finished the call say "oh we'll, I had better be going now" and when she inevitably complains explain that you have turned over a new leaf on her advice and will now answer the phone all the time so she will have to put up with it!!

Alternatively, tell her she is a rude and mad old bag and to sling her hook!!

YANBU at all, not one tiny little bit.
I'll answer my phone when I want to, if it's convenient or safe to do so. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to people!
Unless it's the parent of one of my mindees of course, but even then I'm normally busy and end up calling them back asap.

That's what voicemail is for. Because it isn't always possible to answer your phone. (Illegal to do it when you're driving if you don't have full hands-free anyway.)

MIL sounds like one of those people who can't picture anyone else actually having a life when she can't see them. You are an inanimate being, in stasis, poised with your hand on your phone, activated only when she calls. You exist to answer the phone to her and not at any other time. Now get back in your box and stop making trouble.

YANBU- I do the same. I also do this if I have just put dinner on the table etc. However, my SIL NEVER picks up the phone and I do find that frustrating, she is lovely but will only communicate through email.

Personally i'd change your mobile number and not tell her.

Alternatively can you set a different ring tone for her so you can safely ignore it.

If you were at work she wouldn't be able to call you like that. Is it part of a you are doing nothing and should be at my beck and call type attitude.

I rememebr reading somewhere - "The phone is for your convenience not the callers"

YANBU

See, this is the major downside of mobile phones, where everyone is expected to be available 24/7. Next time tell her you couldn't and wouldn't answer because you were on the toilet!

YANBU
I have this row with DH. There is a perfectly good answering machine on our land line and you can hear people's messages as they leave them. You do not have to leap to answer it.

I do answer my mobile because no one uses that number for general chat, if it rings it's DH, DD or school actually wanting something, other mums text.

My mum does this but if I dont answer always panics as if I am dead or something serious has happened. She hasnt really grasped mobiles or the 21st century you should hear some of her voicemails.

Haha! These replies are helping get my blood pressure down. Love pixie's idea of spending her next visit on the phone to a mate. Have to confess to possibly trying to sway the odds in my favour by using "convenient" rather than "can be arsed"!

YANBU - if you were at work in meetings, you couldn't just pick up every call, in the same way that unless you have hands free in the car, you couldn't answer the call either.
Your MIL is being very unreasonable!!!! Does she do the same with your DH?

What Chocobo said. I think your MIL is very rude and has a high degree of entitlement. Ask yourself if you would carry on the way she does if someone did not answer the phone when you called. You would probably leave a message. She is pushing your boundaries and I would not allow her to 'retrain' me one bit - she will try. Just ignore her - her telephone etiquette is at fault here not yours. My exP is similar and I still only answer the phone when I want to despite years of complaints:)

I have a friend who is surgically attached to her mobile. When she comes over she texts, talks on the phone if it rings and meanwhile I stare out the window. She now apologises so I think she is beginning to realise I am pissed off!

YANBU.