to not always answer the phone, simply because it's ringing?

[abigboydidit]

So, this has now become such an issue for my MIL that am putting it to the vote & resolve to mend my ways if the MN jury say IABU.

In brief, I only answer my phone at times when it is convenient, polite & safe to do so. For example..if I am out for coffee with a friend, I keep it on silent but only answer if it is the nursery (as I'd assume it was an emergency). Similarly, if am driving I ignore it completely (I have a hands free kit but no voice activated answering) and see to it when I get to my destination.

This is infuriating my MIL. She leaves incredibly rude & abrupt voicemail messages (along the lines of how ridiculous it is that I'm not answering) &/or will call repeatedly until I answer (I have pulled off the motorway a few times in a panic over this!). It has never yet been an emergency, or even anything important. Generally it is along the lines of "I went to town today and bought new tea towels and wondered if you wanted our old ones" (yes, really!).

I have explained to her that if I am with a friend or we have people over for dinner, it seems rude to leave them to go and have a conversation on the phone. Equally, I have tried answering and explaining to her that it is not a good time to chat. Unfortunately, she wont take a hint and am always on the phone for at least 20 minutes.

I should add, she has a good social life and lots of friends. I see her at least once a week, so the calls are not because she is lonely.

So.. AIBU?

yanbu she sounds quiet needy. tell her to text if she really needs to contact you.

YANBU or are you her servant, constantly at her beck and call?

I'd expect older people to understand this better in a way, as they are so used to life pre-mobiles, so having to think about when they might find someone at home and free to talk. Many families would have banned answering the landline during mealtimes, or answered only to say 'we're eating, I can call you back in half an hour'.

OTOH, there was always a sense of obligation to answer a landline, especially in the days before answer machines (mid-80s?) as you would just miss the call and never know otherwise. It's partly for that reason that I understand repeated ringing, or late night calls, to be emergencies.

So maybe she's carried over that idea of obligation without the sense of considerate timing. I think you just have to set out how you use your phone, 'I will return your call when safe and convenient' or 'I check messages 2 or 3 times a day', and repeat, slowly and patiently.

YANBU

i ignore the phone all the time for no reason other than i dont feel like speaking to anyone. the only person i dont ignore is my best friend as she often needs help with something and i wouldn't want her sitting fretting about things.

YANBU

My mum is just the same, but with the home phone. If we are not home, obviously we dont answer, so she leaves a terse message, and another one a few minutes later along the lines of, "well, I've given up trying to get hold of you...". Then, if we are home, and answer the phone, she says, "oh I wasn't expecting you to answer." Every time.

When her phone rings, she rushes to answer it, as if it is an emergency. She physically cannot let it ring.

Yanbu although I may be slightly biased as I frequently refuse to answer the home phone when all I'm doing is being an unsociable cow sat on the sofa usually because I know who the caller is and don't want to talk at that moment.

I never answer when driving and will only answer dp/pre school calls if with friends in case of an emergency.

My mother will call my number at work, get an engaged tone and then proceed to call my mobile. When I don't answer it (because I am already on a call) she will text and and ask why am I not answering!

YANBU. I am exactly the same. Annoys my DP. But I don't answer it as well if I can't bre arsed. It rang 10 minutes ago when I came on here and I didn't answer it - land line. I'll just tell DP I didn't notice there was a message on the answerphone when i came in .

YANBU. People can leave a message.

It is bloody ignorant when someone is with you and they keep breaking off to have a chat on their phone, leaving you staring at the wallpaper.

re being on the phone for 20 minutes - I have a plan

First allow her to speak so that you can ascertain it is not an emergency. Then speak - and it is important that you don't pause, even if she is trying to talk over you "sorry MIL, I have company at the moment (even if you don't!) and obviously you'll agree that it is very rude to let my guests sit waiting for me to finish a chat on the phone, so I'll ring you back later when I'm free Love you bye"

Phone down.

Can you block her number? Or explain all of the above reasons, and mention that you may need to block her number (to keep safe, on the motorway, of course!) ... ?YANBU. Not at ALL. This would drive me absolutely crazy.

my EX used to have this real chips on his shoulder about me not answering the phone. it didn't matter if i was driving, talking to someone, on the loo, wrestling ds into his clothes, bathing the dcs etc etc, he would insist i was purposely ignoring him. there was one time i lost my phone and when i got it back 2 days later there were gazillions of missed calls, texts and voicemails all saying how much of an ignorant bitch i was and how i didn't care about him and how we were finished and he would see me in court blah blah blah. didn't seem to occur to him to call my mum to check if everything was OK with his partner and 2 children. for all he knew we were lying in comas after a car accident or something.

Its your choice how you want to use your phone. If you explain it to her she will have to accept your ways. She can leave a message, can't she?

I don't even use a mobile, just if school rings or Dp - not many people have my number. It would drive me up the wall.

Even at home, I only answer when I want to chat, otherwise I leave it and then ring back - but that's me and people know, end of.

YANBU. To be honest, I do get a bit irritated with people who have a policy of never answering their landline, and always forcing you to leave a message. But mobiles are different - a mobile is with you whatever you're doing, so if you're really busy or in a meeting or driving or with friends, you shouldn't answer it. In fact, if I'm with someone for a coffee and they take a call on their mobile, I get pretty annoyed. Your attention should be on the person you're with.

Good idea JustH. She doesn't call during work hours but will bang on clocking off time (forgetting I have a 50 minute commute & a nursery run). She does the same to DH when she's grown tired of stalking me

YANBU

I work in a shop, and a pet hate of mine is when people answering the phone when they at the till in a shop. It's so rude to the person serving them. If they answer, and say they will call back, then that's not so bad.

YANBU and you might also be related to me, my MIL does the same thing.

As said before, a ringing telephone is an invitation, not an order.

YANBU. This way, you are in control & she obviously doesn't like it. So long as you accept that she may not always be available to immediately answer when you ring her if you ever do

YANBU

I don't even text people back immediately if I'm with someone (because that would be rude wouldn't it?) or I'm busy, never mind answer a call on my mobile.

invicta do you mean their mobile, ie. personal calls, or the shop phone?

Because if it's the shop phone, I always jump to answer it - might be the boss and I don't want him to think the till is unguarded . I can serve & answer at the same time! multi-tasking wonderwoman

vivian

yes he had multiple chips but that was a typo

I feel vindicated! Wish she'd bloody call now so I can ignore her!

In my previous life as a hairdresser, i had a customer answer her phone, whilst laying back having hair washed. She checked to see who it was and took the call anyway for a little chat.

I gave her phone a nice rinse :o) Pure ignorance IMO

YANBU - my pet hate is people answering the phone during a meal for example to say "I can't talk now I'm eating" - well why the fuck did you answer the phone then

I have the same with my MIL. In fact my FIL phoned me last year (never phoned me before) to ask me if I could please answer the phone when his wife phones as its incredibly rude not to answer. I was so shocked I just mumbled that I would try! Cheeky buggers!