to not always answer the phone, simply because it's ringing?

[abigboydidit]

So, this has now become such an issue for my MIL that am putting it to the vote & resolve to mend my ways if the MN jury say IABU.

In brief, I only answer my phone at times when it is convenient, polite & safe to do so. For example..if I am out for coffee with a friend, I keep it on silent but only answer if it is the nursery (as I'd assume it was an emergency). Similarly, if am driving I ignore it completely (I have a hands free kit but no voice activated answering) and see to it when I get to my destination.

This is infuriating my MIL. She leaves incredibly rude & abrupt voicemail messages (along the lines of how ridiculous it is that I'm not answering) &/or will call repeatedly until I answer (I have pulled off the motorway a few times in a panic over this!). It has never yet been an emergency, or even anything important. Generally it is along the lines of "I went to town today and bought new tea towels and wondered if you wanted our old ones" (yes, really!).

I have explained to her that if I am with a friend or we have people over for dinner, it seems rude to leave them to go and have a conversation on the phone. Equally, I have tried answering and explaining to her that it is not a good time to chat. Unfortunately, she wont take a hint and am always on the phone for at least 20 minutes.

I should add, she has a good social life and lots of friends. I see her at least once a week, so the calls are not because she is lonely.

So.. AIBU?

We had years of this - literally years. Started ignoring and it has helped cut it down.

We also had years of silent messages and beeps - as they would refuse to leave messages - ruined meals, ruined takeout and movies for anniversaries despite pre asking them not to ring then. DH finally learnt to ignore - and to give his parents a unique mobile ring.

I think it a form of control - we had a lot of control issues after birth of first DC from ILs. Got home morning after birth of first still all on a high - rang his dad immediately DH switched his phone on and found message- mouthful of abuse from FIL for daring to out of reach for a few hours getting me and DD1 discharged- cue years of passive aggressive shit from them.

Other thing to try is a set time a week to ring - helps cut down on other calls.

Absolutely agree Holy. The height of discourtesy. Some people think they have a right to automatic override 24/7.

I remember a Woody Allen film many years ago - long before the spread of mobile phones. Maybe it was "Manhatten" but I'm not sure.

Anyway a group of them were spending the day at various locations in New York. Whenever they arrived at a new place, whether a restaurant, a bar, a museum or whatever, one of them would make a point of ringing his work and leaving a message "For the next 2 hours I can be contacted at [number]". This was repeated many times. Of course no one ever did contact him, and he was thus portrayed as an utter prat with a grossly inflated sense of his own indispensibility.

The spread of mobile phones seems to have turned many people into that, with the obligation to be permanantly and immediately available.

I quite liked a comment by Paul McCartney in hankering for the old days: "When I was a kid, the phone was a big black piece of bakelite and it was kept under the stairs. If someone phoned and you were out then you were out".

YANBU and I agree with Somebloke, mobile phones are a downright nuisance many times and people seem to regard their phonecall as more important than anything else that they seem to be doing at the time.

My otherwise lovely and annoying MIL does this too! And she texts the same text repeatedly until I reply! When did answering your mobile become obilgatory?! MIL once rang SIL's friend during her son's birthday party because SIL had ignored her mobile ringing during the games and cake!

I have a special ring tone on the phone for some people, easily ignored!

But you don´t have to have your mobile with you all the time/on all the time...

Actually, you don´t have to have a mobile!

YANBU

I have a mother who constantly hounds me on the landline (everyone knows my mobile lives in the drawer usually flat so nobody bothers to ring it!).

She seems to think that it is my duty to speak to her every day for at least an hour while she basically just moans about everything. If I don't pick up then I too get the calling every ten minutes until wine o'clock time when the calls finally stop and she just gets pissed instead.

She occasionally will leave a panicked sounding message saying how she needs help with a utility bill or something else pathetic but usually she never leaves a message. If I do pick up the phone she will say that she has phoned me "a few times already and you didn't pick up" and will say I wondered if you had a migraine and that's why you weren't picking up???? Nice, so you think I might be ill in bed but you still think that it's okay to ring the phone constantly? It really is at the point where I feel stalked and harassed in my own home.

I find the demanding to speak to you by constantly phoning so counter productive because all it does is make my blood boil and I feel determined not to pick up the phone at all for days

I don't have a mobile. It's great! (and I don't answer my home phone either unless I want to).
Very liberating.

Am now starting to wonder if MILs are somehow contractually obliged to do this?! Some great tips for getting her off the phone quickly though - cheers! What really annoys (& actually upsets) me is the abrupt messages she leaves. So if am cooking dinner and the landline rings I let the answephone pick up. I'll then hit "play" before sitting down to eat and it will be her muttering in a stage whisper about how ridiculous it is that I haven't answered when I can't possibly be out. I then end up calling back as feel so irked I can't settle (knowing she's likely to call again..and again..) so my dinner then goes cold while I try to get her off the phone again!