to not always answer the phone, simply because it's ringing?

[abigboydidit]

So, this has now become such an issue for my MIL that am putting it to the vote & resolve to mend my ways if the MN jury say IABU.

In brief, I only answer my phone at times when it is convenient, polite & safe to do so. For example..if I am out for coffee with a friend, I keep it on silent but only answer if it is the nursery (as I'd assume it was an emergency). Similarly, if am driving I ignore it completely (I have a hands free kit but no voice activated answering) and see to it when I get to my destination.

This is infuriating my MIL. She leaves incredibly rude & abrupt voicemail messages (along the lines of how ridiculous it is that I'm not answering) &/or will call repeatedly until I answer (I have pulled off the motorway a few times in a panic over this!). It has never yet been an emergency, or even anything important. Generally it is along the lines of "I went to town today and bought new tea towels and wondered if you wanted our old ones" (yes, really!).

I have explained to her that if I am with a friend or we have people over for dinner, it seems rude to leave them to go and have a conversation on the phone. Equally, I have tried answering and explaining to her that it is not a good time to chat. Unfortunately, she wont take a hint and am always on the phone for at least 20 minutes.

I should add, she has a good social life and lots of friends. I see her at least once a week, so the calls are not because she is lonely.

So.. AIBU?

I am deliberately crap with my mobile so that people don't expect me to answer. Dh is worse.

We don't answer the house phone if we are busy.

Also, although I get on really well with my mil, she wouldn't phone me on my mobile. Seems an invasion of privacy to me. Don't know why.

YANBU. I completely agree with you. A few people get really upset with this though. [shrug]

Oh Aye! am hopeless with my moby. Am not a great fan of mobys anyway - they ARE handy for emergency stuff- work, school etc..

I work in the community, so when at work it's always switched on, and on my person... Other than that - well it's around somewhere.. usually.

My mates understand it might take a while to get back to them on a social level for a chat etc but sometimes I might answer straightaway - it depends.

Am not ultra keen on the whole 24/7 availability - seems intrusive and unnecesssary to me...

When I desperately WANT a certain call - I put it in the saucepan cupboard. It stems from when the children were small, and they had a fetish for putting it in there - always seemed to ring with important calls somehow. So now - If I desperately want a certain person to ring, thats where it goes (shrug)

I do sympathise though...

zukiecat I think our mothers must be twins!

(and completely off topic, I used to have a cat called Sukie )

YANBU

I always sometimes ignore the phone as i am fully stocked up on tea towels

YA SOOOO NBU but you knew that anyway. She is being mad.

My MIL is similar. Has given up expecting us to drop everything when she calls, but will go to the most extraordinary lengths to get us to phone her- leaves rambling cryptic messages on our voicemails which are mostly content-free until the last possible moment where she starts to imply something awful might have happened, at which point she gets cut off by the message length anyway. Essentially they boil down to:

"It's mummy here. I need to tell you something important about XYZ. sigh "

She never just says what XYZ is like a normal person would. It's just hinted at in the most circumspect ways. XYZ is almost always "I spoke to someone you are related to and they are well" or "Just wanted to confirm the arrangements we have already confirmed twice again because I am feeling needy."

We tend to ignore it on the grounds that she's cried wolf so many times it just isn't worth getting het up about. It is massively irritating though because we have very, very little free time in which to have rambling conversations about minutiae, and the constant demands for ego-soothing attention are really wearing.

She wants us to get skype and a webcam next. DH and I just looked at each other and shuddered at the thought...

YANBU! My goodness!

I never answer my phone, unless it's the school and even then I don't always answer it because I don't know where it is The school have more contacts than jsut me inc. my mum, DH, my Nan, the neighbour, my Dad. There is always someone they can get hold of and there is always someone who can find me if I am needed.

I am rubbish with phones and I am constantly misplacing or forgetting it. Plus mine does not seem to like to work inside of buildings, the only time I leave the house is to walk the dogs and I rant that much about Mr. Rat-dog-string-lead-always-on-the-phone-man, that I wouldn't dare answer my mobile in public if I was out with the dogs

People have to email me first to tell me they'll be phoning me and then if I feel like talking to them I might go and find my phone.

YANBU, tell MIL she should be pleased that you do, eventually, answer the phone.

I WISH I could ignore the phone. I also wish I didn't get excited about texts, even the ones from t-mobile!

YANBU

I often leave my phone in the depths of my handbag never to be heard again. I look at it hours later and see missed calls/texts but can't be arsed ringing back most the time

I also switch my phone off at night and wish DH would do the same (or at least make sure it's charged so doesn't make those annoying beeping sounds as it dies) but he's worried that he might be needed in an emergency (only child of a widowed elderly mum).

YANBU - i hardly EVER answer the phone at callers convenience, land line or mobile.

My mum used to drive me nuts, shed call the mobile, if i didnt answer immediatley she would call the landline. if i didnt answer that shed call the mobile again, ggggrrrr. Quiet often it would be because the mobile was in another room & i didnt get to it before it cut off.

She now texts to see if its ok to call.

OP - how can you talk to someone you dont want to for 20 mins? Mobile often run out of battery at unexpected times & dont get me started on going in & out of signal, very irritating/covenient

Meant to post:

The day I went into labour, DH and I didn't tell anyone. When DH finally turned his phone back on (only after 8 hours), there were loads of frantic messages from his mum, who had then also rung our landline and my mobile wondering where we were! She later claimed that she guessed I'd gone into labour (despite being 3 weeks early) as we weren't answering her calls

When DH did eventually ring her back he didn't tell her I'd given birth as she was coming over the next day. He went to meet her at the station and showed her a picture of her first grandchild All was forgiven

YANBU. I purposely don't answer the phone if I see MIL is calling!!

Particularly when you have kids your free time is more sacred and I can't be arsed to answer the phone every time it rings. DH does get a bit funny if I ignore the phone as he feels the pressure to then answer it but only because its usually his mother and she will then start ringing his mobile non stop!

YANBU. I only answer the phone if I see fit to.

You have diplomatically explained your reasoning to your mil, which in my mind, no-one sane could argue with.
If I were you I'd cerry on as normal, ignore the calls when you are busy, and keep calmly reiterating what you said before if she gets arsey about it.
I wouldn't be told what to do like that, and she bonkers to expect that you will.

YANBU no discussion needed on this. Voicemail is there for a reason.

Yanbu at all , people ring when it's convenient for them and not you so you are under no obligation to answer it

My mobile phone is for my convenience not yours... Is the line I use for my DH when can't answer!!!

I have had friends answer theirs when having coffee etc and I find it very rude!!

I rarely use my mobile-usually only when travelling.

Landline I look to see who it is & answer or not.

Was like this pre mobiles/answer machines as we assumed whoever it was would call back if necessary.

I remember one Sunday lunch when a boyfriend of mine was there & the phone rang.

We all carried on eating-I think that he thought we were nuts!

I often ignore my phone when it rings - ESPECIALLY if it's my MIL! Next time she rings, pretend you're driving, say you can't talk, and when she starts rattling on, pretend the coppers have pulled you over. Or you've ended up parked on the central reservation cos she distracted you. Or simply tell her to stick her tea towels up her arse (my favourite )

YANBU, of course. But are you perhaps guilty of not returning calls or deliberately ignoring calls. I would sit her down and tell her very nicely that you are not always able to answer your phone but if she leaves a message, you promise to ring her back when it is next convenient.

I never answer my landline during the day because it is either British Gas, TalkTalk or someone wanting to help me claim back the PPI I apparently took out.

YADDNBU

I hate it when you're in the middle of a conversation with someone and they answer the phone and start having another conversation. It's rude.

Have you considered changing your voicemail message to 'hello HELLO? I can't hear you. You're.breaking.up. will....call....you.....back . Then at least your MIL will think you're trying your best to answer her call.