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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to share with you all a revelation regarding 'feeding on demand'?

179 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 11:57

I have Shocked my self with what I think may be an unusual and radical kind of idea.

I feed myself on demand!

When I am hungry I eat something!

When I am thirsty I have a drink!

Sometimes I need a bit of comfort in the form of choclate or cake and it makes me feel good.

Some days I am hungrier and thirtsier than others and then I eat and drink a bit more, more often.

Sometimes I fancy a snack.

Shock

Why on earth would anyone expect a baby to be any different Confused

Who thought it would be a good idea to make babies feed at certain times of the day, even if they needed a little something at other times?

Why is the thought of babies acting like other humans so horrific?

OP posts:
Original poster
EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 11:58

I am so amazed with my startling revelation I am going to have to have a lie down.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 19/03/2012 12:04

Because mums are human too.

Try feeding twins on demand then a newborn with 15 month old toddlers and you might get an inkling why not feeding on demand is so popular.

My babies fed every 4 hours all of them.It helped them to be happy and content.It helped me to be happy and content.We all knew where we were.

None of us are good when hungry(myself included).Feeding at sensible times meant I rarely had starving screaming babies(in fact twin 1's colic disappeared overnight)alerting me to that fact.

I now have 3 kids who eat 3 square meals a day at set times with a couple of healthy snacks in between.They pretty much eat at times they always have.

Feeding on demand may suit you but it doesn't for many others.

hardboiledpossum · 19/03/2012 12:05

YANBU. This is what my lovely (African) health visitor told me when my DS was a few days old. She also told me that it's fine to cuddle him lots and explained how to co-sleep safely if that is what we wanted to do. Unfortunately I moved and my new HV's are/were forever going on about 4 hourly feeding and controlled crying.

Hoebag · 19/03/2012 12:11

I was told to make sure mine woke up every 5 hours when young then as he got to like 2 months etc let him tell you tbh he genrall stuck to that routine untill fully weaned.

Trills · 19/03/2012 12:22

I think a lot of adults don't feed themselves on demand though, not fully.

They eat breakfast food because it is breakfast time, not necessarily because they are hungry or because that is what they fancy, but because they think they should, or because they believe they will be hungry later if they don't.

ReebleBauble · 19/03/2012 12:23

YABU. What works for some may not for others. My daughter was colicky and had reflux. She'd drink all day if she could (and still will) just to soothe the pain, but then vomit it all up in spectacular volumes! Making sure she only had what she needed at certain times of the day reduced the vomiting and controlled my sanity. This went on until 2 months ago. Shes a naturally organised child and likes routines (I dont set them, she does!) so it suited her perfectly.

If Im lucky enough to have another I may do feed on demand. Who knows? I'll let them decide.

Trills · 19/03/2012 12:24

And if you have a job then you almost certainly put off eating (or eat something that is quick and convenient rather than what you actually want) because you are busy and it would be inappropriate to stop at that time.

Lambzig · 19/03/2012 12:27

I dont really understand not feeding on demand (sorry, I know its me being ignorant). I fed DD on demand because she screamed when she was hungry. What do you do if feeding in a 4 hour pattern, just comfort them rather than feed them - does that work?

WibblyBibble · 19/03/2012 12:31

It's alright for you, not all of us have three tits.

Original poster
EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 12:31

I am well aware of how unutterably shite I feel at the end of a 9 hour shift with no food or drink. it isn't nice at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 12:33

and obviously as mothers we do what suits at the time and there is no need to feel guilty or defensive about it but it does confuse me a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 12:35

in fact, you know what, i thinki believe that the world would be a much nice place if everyone, babies, children and aduls all ate and drank when they need to. No more hunger grumpiness. I may start a campaign. STarting with my workplace....

OP posts:
HappyAsEyeAm · 19/03/2012 12:37

Because, for some babies, feeding on demand means having 2-3 oz r so, just to take the edge off the hunger. They've had enough at this point and become distracted by what's going on around them or whatever. If I didn't try and try to get more into DD, she would happily feed like this every hour or two for weeks on end. Better for her to feel full and content by taking teh whole bottle, which meant that she would feed every 3 1/2 hours.

We both knoew where we stood and we could do other things with our time than be limited to having to make and give a feed seemingly constantly.

Glittertwins · 19/03/2012 12:39

Routine all the way here, 4 hours give or take apart from the dropping of the overnight feed between 6 & 8 weeks. They seemed to be hungry at those times so can that be classed as on demand?

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 19/03/2012 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldgonecrazy · 19/03/2012 12:49

YANBU. Our antenatal teacher said something similar, that our babies are coming from an environment where they are fed on demand 24/7, into a big scary world where food isn't there instantly.

Unfortunately what is lacking is support for mums to be able to feed on demand, and that's where the revelation falls down. It's a great revelation but it doesn't meet with the reality of many mums who are struggling to manage to keep upright, nevermind feeding on demand as well. I was lucky, i had great support and feeding on demand was never an issue. I sympathise with those women who don't have access to such great support and can't manage the on-demand stuff.

TheCountessOlenska · 19/03/2012 12:53

I can see that feeding at set times works if you are formula feeding because otherwise you would just be constantly making up bottles and then having to dispose of leftovers. Also, you can see how much your baby is getting at each feed so you know that they are not going to be starving in between.

I breastfed on demand because it was easy to offer breast at the first sign of any grizzling. I wasn't going to pace the house with a crying baby just to stretch feeds out to four hourly!

Now DD is two, I still tend to offer food/ drink or breastmilk every couple of hours. She rarely eats what I would call a full meal in one go. I doubt this is the approved way to do things but it seems to suit us!

OhdearNigel · 19/03/2012 12:57

For me the main obstacle to feeding on demand/being baby-led is the constant demands that society puts on women and that we put on ourselves. How many times do we see celebrity mothers returning to work/gym/size 6 clothes five minutes after popping out the placenta ? the message given out by "society" is that the baby must fit around its parents and that women are expected to get back to "normal" as soon as possible.

If we were more realistic that being a mum with a newborn baby meant many hours of cuddling up with our babies nursing rather than cleaning the floor or dancing attendance on visitors, perhaps more Mums would feel they had the time and energy to feed on demand rather than if being another chore to fit into their already jammed lives.

MrsHeffley · 19/03/2012 12:58

In fact I don't feed myself on demand.

I hate breakfast(so do my dc) but I forcefeed all of us practically as I know we'll all feel like shite mid morning at school/work otherwise.

In fact the advantages of eating breakfast have been shown time and time again in research.

AThingInYourLife · 19/03/2012 13:00

I don't feed myself "on demand" - I eat breakfast when I get up, I have my lunch at my lunchbreak at work, I have dinner in the evening when it is ready.

My body has become accustomed to eating at those times, and so tends to be hungry then.

I can't even imagine how I would manage my busy life if I didn't plan to eat but just sought whatever I was in the mood for as and when I felt like it.

I did have to eat somewhat according to that kind of pattern at the start of each of my pregnancies due to constant nausea, and it is hard work and very tedious.

I didn't feed either of my DDs to a schedule, although I did tend to offer feeds at times that seemed appropriate, e.g. after they'd woken up, or before I expected them to sleep.

It never seemed weird or unnatural to me that a baby would fall into a pattern of sleeping and eating at certain times of the day. I'm sure that pattern was influenced by me and what I was doing.

FreudianSlipper · 19/03/2012 13:06

i feed my ds on demand, why because he was hungry and needed food, why would i make him wait.

i expected my life to fit around his needs for the first few months not for him to fit into a routine that suited my life

we found our own natural routine led by ds

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 19/03/2012 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife · 19/03/2012 13:09

"that being a mum with a newborn baby meant many hours of cuddling up with our babies nursing"

Yes, very much agree with this.

After my babies are born I basically just sit under them most of the day. Getting "out and about" is not a priority.

I'm still not sure I've ever fed "on demand" though - just frequently and for long periods at times.

AThingInYourLife · 19/03/2012 13:10

Lots of people try to drink more than their thirst dictates though. Whether that is sensible, I have my doubts.

MrsHeffley · 19/03/2012 13:12

Not all of us have that luxury.

Some of us have other dc,had no help,no family and a dp at work all day.

Toddlers raring to get exercise don't take themselves to the park/pre-school themselves,meals don't cook themselves,shopping doesn't sort itself out and other dc deserve their needs met.