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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to share with you all a revelation regarding 'feeding on demand'?

179 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 19/03/2012 11:57

I have Shocked my self with what I think may be an unusual and radical kind of idea.

I feed myself on demand!

When I am hungry I eat something!

When I am thirsty I have a drink!

Sometimes I need a bit of comfort in the form of choclate or cake and it makes me feel good.

Some days I am hungrier and thirtsier than others and then I eat and drink a bit more, more often.

Sometimes I fancy a snack.

Shock

Why on earth would anyone expect a baby to be any different Confused

Who thought it would be a good idea to make babies feed at certain times of the day, even if they needed a little something at other times?

Why is the thought of babies acting like other humans so horrific?

OP posts:
nickelhasababy · 20/03/2012 15:08

i do feed myself on demand.

and i eat at regular intervals.
they are linked.

i don't always eat a full meal when i'm hungry, and sometime a drink will stave off the hunger.
babies are the same - their food and drink is in one container. think of it like soup.
so dd can be thirsty and have a drink, but when she's hungry she has food. difference is that it's the same stuff.
if i'm a bit hungry but not hugely (because it'sa only an hour or so since i last ate), i'll have a biscuit or a cuppa soup or a cracker (or a bag of crisps).
and i'll hav a proper dinner later on.

i think i eat every 2 hours or so during the day, drink pretty much constantly, and drink a bit during the night.

it's also been proven that it's better for you to eat little and often, 6 small meals/snacks throughout the day rather than 3 big meals - it evens out blood sugar and energy levels.

now, based on that, why would you feed a baby (whose stomach is smaller) every 4 hours?
(notwithstanding twins or women with pnd etc)

nickelhasababy · 20/03/2012 15:23

anyway, i have found that if i don't think she should be hungry (when she's only just pulled off and is still hunting around), i try something else first. have discovered that if it's hunger or needing pudding, she'll cry.
sometimes she's bored, and an activity will distract her.
or she's tired, so she'll sleep after rocking.
but if it's hunger, nothing helps.

Moominsarescary · 20/03/2012 15:42

My last baby was prem, he needed a certain amount daily to be able to gain weight and control his body temp.

2 and 3 hourly feeds were too much for him. It took a good hour for him to feed and smaller feeds at closer intervals just didn't work for him. He was much better having a larger amount every 4 hours.

Not all babys want little and often, even if they do have smaller stomachs. They are all different.

Wretched · 20/03/2012 16:14

So. Which camp of neglect do I join?

I breastfed 10 week old dd2 in the car waiting to collect six year old dd1.

We came home, dd1 wanted a drink and some fruit. Dd2 had to cry for ten mins as I helped dd1 and unloaded the car.

Now breastfeeding dd2 again while dd1 eats tea and chats to me. We will probably do her reading and spelling while dd2 is selfishly on the boob still.

Which child am I neglecting?

shagmundfreud · 20/03/2012 16:17

I don't get that Moomin. How can one longer feed be easier than several shorter feeds for a baby who tires easily?

I understood that babies in SCBU are fed to a schedule for two reasons - because feeding on demand is not feasible given ordinary staffing levels and because of the importance of monitoring and optimising weight gain.

Quite happy to be corrected though!

Fluffy1234 · 20/03/2012 16:19

I fed my 3 DC every 4 hours, they were happy babies who dropped their night feed at 7 to 8 weeks and slept for 12 hours a night by 10 to 12 weeks so I was a happy mummy.
I have friends that demand feed their babies and that works for them but having the routine worked for my family.

JaneB1rkin · 20/03/2012 16:29

I also had a revelation about it when I was doing it. I had the cot downstairs and so I saw ds2 very often as I went in and out of the room.

As soon as he started to stir I went to him. He didn't cry. He made little rooty movements with his head and hands, put his fingers to his mouth, made tiny tiny noises.

He was hungry, not quite even awake yet. So I fed him.

In this way I managed to have a baby who did not cry in the first six months of his life. Well he did twice for about 15 minutes I think, which was from some kind of tummy ache I think as carrying him about didn't help.

But literally twice before he was 6 months old. I think I was damned lucky as well but I'm certain this helped - the realisation was that babies ask politely before they cry to be fed. Brilliant Smile

Now watch me find out what a load of rubbish that is with my next Grin

Seriously - I don't reckon there's a lot of info about the signals they give for different things, I mean, putting his hand to his mouth - I kid you not - it's obvious if you know about it. Yet no one ever told me that is what they mean. Everyone just said feed him when he cries/every four hours/whatever.

Wretched · 20/03/2012 16:33

Shag, my dd2 was 7 weeks prem, she is now ten weeks (3 weeks corrected ). She was fed hourly at first as her tummy couldn't take any more. They gradually space it out to three hours, not sure about formula though, it's higher calorie so may be four hours? My dd is ebf and now going about ten mins between feeds

No, she will go up to four hours if we are out and about only because fresh air knocks her out but in the house she wants to feed more often I find.

Moominsarescary · 20/03/2012 19:18

My ds was 8 weeks early and express bf

4 hourly worked better because after feeding for an hour he was shattered, then two hours later he was woken up and it started all over again. Once it was moved to 4 hours he started gaining weight and controlling his temp within 3 days. probably because he was getting more rest inbetween, using less energy in a day feeding.

The increase in volume worked out over 24 hours was only a couple of mils

hardboiledpossum · 20/03/2012 20:05

molly3478 I am very slim and feed on demand. I don't like having big meals so have a few snacks and a few small meals, I often have a snack in the middle of the night too!

CreepyWeeBrackets · 20/03/2012 20:14

An adult eating on demand doesn't mean they will get fat. Some of us don't have very big appetites Confused

I did used to need the odd kitkat at 3 am when BF though...

choceyes · 20/03/2012 20:46

I found the same as JaneB1rkin - my DD never cried either in the first few months. I fed her when she was rooting/hands in mouth/tiny whinings etc and popped her in the sling. and she fell asleep.
Actually I do remember her crying once when she was about 3 months old and she'd done a poo and I didn't notice for awhile and she was crying because she wanted to go to sleep but couldn't because of the poo!

NowThenWreck · 20/03/2012 20:50

I don't feed myself on demand. If I did I would be really fucking fat.

NowThenWreck · 20/03/2012 20:54

The thing is, when I ed ds every 3 hours, he had a full "meal" and a full belly, and wasn't actually hungry in between.

BellaCB · 20/03/2012 21:12

Surely it also depends on the baby? Like nowthen, I feed my LO every 3 hours during the day and she has a 'full meal' and a full tummy and is rarely hungry in between feeds. She rarely starts grizzling or crying until within fifteen minutes of her feed time. Feeding her to a routine means she gets up and eats at the same time, and the goes to bed at the same time, and since 5 weeks old she has happily fed herself to sleep at 8pm and slept through most of the night, which gives us all some consistency and sanity. It also allows me to have an idea when we go out if she will need feeding so I can try and be somewhere that is convenient. So far increasing the size of her feeds has meant she still sticks to 3 hours, but just because she is currently fed to that routine doesn't mean I'm ignoring her hunger cues in between feeds or that I'm never going to change it! If she starts to show signs of needing a feed every 2 hours then I'll change our routine.

Tbf, though, she was a SCBU baby so has been fed to a routine from the very first day.

RitaMorgan · 20/03/2012 21:20

I think the thing about feeding on demand is that babies are able to regulate their own appetites - eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. That's a good habit to get into which will set you up for adulthood too.

If feeds are restricted, the baby learns it has to feed as much as possible when it gets the chance. Lots of parents encourage this - getting the baby to take an extra oz/finish their bottle so they will last a bit longer until the next feed. Not such a great habit to carry on into adulthood - eating as much as you can, rather than as much as you need.

CreepyWeeBrackets · 20/03/2012 21:36

I like that idea. Makes sense.

But as usual, some eejit will soon be along with a pointless anecdote.

In this case - me Grin

I rarely eat more than two small meals a day, no snacks, no drinks other than wine water. Sometimes just one meal. I like food if it is something I really want to eat but I'm meh about food as just fuel. And I know I wasn't BF because I was fostered straight after birth.

So some of us will eat a lot, some not. Some babies need to be fed on cue, some need to be woken for feeds. Bloody people and babies with their troublesome diversity.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 20/03/2012 22:39

I would like to share a revelation with you all after reading this thread....

Regardless of how or when ye all feed your children, I think ye all all doing good! Grin It says something really for the parent who is so concerned in ensuring they provide the best they can for their child. I know my ma wouldnt have given a flying fig if I had my milk out of the dogs bowl never mind routine! How lovely it is sometimes to see people wrapped up in knots trying to do the best that they can for their children. Its lovely to see people care!

McHappyPants2012 · 20/03/2012 22:48

I feed on demand, otherwise my boobs had a mind of there own and would get very full when ds gave his cue

NowThenWreck · 20/03/2012 22:54

That's very true Mordecai-and that's all that matter really, that people care enough to think about it. It shouldn't be a contentious issue. As long as the baby is getting enough to eat, it's all good.

JaneB1rkin · 21/03/2012 08:09

Choceye I'm so pleased to read your post! Smile

I've not told a million people or anything but the few I've mentioned it to in conversation didn't have the same experience and I wondered if they thought I was making it up. I mean a baby that does not cry? Too weird!

Mind you he is making up for it now in terms of sheer noise.

I do eat when I'm hungry, myself, not to plan and often eat bizarre things at the wrong time of day. (schokolade zum Fruhstuck, anyone) Blush

cory · 21/03/2012 08:38

Interesting to hear about Moomin's experiences. I also had a baby for whom feeding took so much effort that she was absolutely exhausted afterwards.

I think routine feeding of SCBU babies is not just about staff routine and monitoring but also about the fact that many of them are too weak to demand frequent enough feeds.

I had to keep waking dd up to feed and try to force her to stay awake.

Basically, the whole baby-knows-best-just-follow-her-cues works fine for normal healthy term babies with no SN: it doesn't necessarily work for the kind of baby who wouldn't have survived in a society closer to nature.

Wouldn't it be nice if babies came out of the womb neatly labelled though (this one will thrive on a 4 hour routine, this one needs extra support, this one looks NT but isn't), so you knew exactly what you are dealing with? ...

choceyes · 21/03/2012 09:31

JaneB1rkin - I think I've been lucky really with my two DCs. Neither of them were criers. So they were easy babies, but they have turned into very stubborn and hot headed toddler and preschooler now, so that's my comeuppance. I am beyond exhausted at the end of the day!

The prem babies routine fed in SCBU makes sense to me actually. They maybe too weak to give the feeding cues even if they are hungry, so feeding to a schedule, makes sure that they do get fed I suppose.

Moominsarescary · 21/03/2012 09:37

Cory I agree there all so different. Ds3 who was the 32 weeker didn't give any cues for feeding untill he was 3 months old and didn't cry at all for the first 6 months of his life. Although we were advised not to let him go more than 4 hours between feeds so I suppose he might have given cues at 5 or 6 hours.

MrsBeakman · 21/03/2012 09:43

Totally agree with you OP. (Not read rest of thread.)

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