to share with you all a revelation regarding 'feeding on demand'?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

I have ed my self with what I think may be an unusual and radical kind of idea.

I feed myself on demand!

When I am hungry I eat something!

When I am thirsty I have a drink!

Sometimes I need a bit of comfort in the form of choclate or cake and it makes me feel good.

Some days I am hungrier and thirtsier than others and then I eat and drink a bit more, more often.

Sometimes I fancy a snack.

Why on earth would anyone expect a baby to be any different

Who thought it would be a good idea to make babies feed at certain times of the day, even if they needed a little something at other times?

Why is the thought of babies acting like other humans so horrific?

Yes, that's how it was for me too, Really.

And for all the carping about Gina Ford and her breakfast rules - it took me a few days after coming home from hospital to figure out how to feed myself and the baby. The point that it's important for a breastfeeding mother to prioritise her own meals is a good one, even if too prescriptive in it's delivery.

Soooo....I'm a bit confused. I don't know what I do! I feed my DS when he's hungry, but that's always been every four hours. It was pretty easy to work out when he was born, he woke up to be fed, then went back to sleep for four hours, and woke up to be fed again! He has dictated a routine, and one that has worked very well for us.

I get the OP's point, but I also get everyone else's point. I very much doubt that anyone leaves their baby to cry because they are approximately 17 minutes too early to be fed.

And really, I don't get the point of this "debate". Surely if you are happy, and your baby is happy, it really doesn't matter how everyone else feeds and parents their child. MN can be a very harsh and judgemental place at times.

It's not just breastfeeding though! What about dummies? Are they not designed to soothe fractious babies?

Lou you're right re getting out to.

One of the most important things you can do to avoid PND is to get out every day.I'd have gone stark,staring mad if I'd not gone out every day with the dtwins then all 3 15 months later.

Not sure how bfing in my local park with every squeal would have worked when I was supposed to be keeping the dtwins safe.

No far better to time the park visit after Gina's morning or mid day nap and feed. Worked bloody brilliantly-sleeping, happy,fed baby,safe active toddlers,1 very happy mummy!

BF on demand doesn't mean being glued to teh sofa all day (not after the first couple of weeks anyway.) It just means, in my case, that I offer boob is dd whinges. If she refuses, she's not hungry and I have to try something else. Luckily, she rarely feeds longer than 5 mins, so ds is never left to his owndevices for long.

In fact, ds is quite adept at putting himself at th centre of attention, so poor dd onlygets attention when she feeds!

Yours does, not all do.Mine certainly didn't.

Sorry ignoring toddlers because you suddenly figure a newborn is more important and you want to enjoy a babymoon is neglect. All dc deserve the same amount and quality attention.

If routine mums can be called cruel sorry I'll raise the bar and call babymooners neglectful.

My toddler would just be on the other boob lol!

Seriously though, you can all cuddle up on the sofa and look at a book while breastfeeding a newborn - no need for toddler to be left out.

The use of the word "neglect" is out of order!

"If routine mums can be called cruel sorry I'll raise the bar and call babymooners neglectful."

:o

Agreed.

I don't think routine led mothers are cruel at all! I just said I didn't think routines fitted in with breastfeeding that well - or didn't for me!

Feeding a baby on demand doesn't mean you have to sit in all day

I fed ds whenever he wanted it - if he was grouchy, hungry, thirsty, tired, bored. He rarely cried.

I also got out and about lots - breastfed babies are very portable as you can feed them anywhere, anytime.

Not all toddlers want to curl up on the sofa.

A lot of what I've read re routine and GF is out of order.

I think some babies are more sucky than others. With DD1 I was eternally grateful to the midwife who pointed out to me, after her being clamped to my breast non-stop for the first week or so, that, you know, she might manage to go two hours between a feed and to try offering her my finger or a dummy in between times. (Also for the friend who proferred Kamilosan and Infacol). She probably just wanted to suck as they need very little in the way of actual quantity of milk. And as she was gaining weight and was pooing and weeing normally (she actually gained several ounces at the first weigh in) then she probably was having enough milk. So I did and she really took to a dummy after a few attempts and had one until she was 2.

The first attempts to have any kind of routine were after a few weeks I decided to bath her and put her to bed at the same time of an evening (not that she always obediently went to sleep...). After that the rest of the feeds, by then more like every 3-4 hours, just fell into being at a reasonably regular time. I like to think we established a routine by agreement between us!

With DD2 she fed more efficiently and didn't seem to want to suck my finger in between feeds. Was pretty much feeding every two hours from day one. She did have a dummy at night for a short while but I got rid of it at about 8 months as she wasn't particularly fussed whether she had it when she went to sleep. Again I went down the route of establishing a routine by agreement between us but as well of course she had to fit in with dropping off/picking up DD1 from nursery etc, which didn't seem to trouble her unduly!

WTF? It is NOT verging on neglect to put your youngest child who is newborn, "first" in the matter of feeding unless you are not feeding your toddler. That wouldn't happen though, would it? You would need breakfast and lunch and your toddler would have some too.

Newborns don't make many demands, really. They don't break off from the breast shouting, "but why, Mummy", for example. They don't break off from the breast to leg it into the kitchen when you are trying to cook.

It is perfectly possible to feed a baby and have another child cuddled up with a book or even (SIOB) a television programme playing which you could be discussing or just dreamily watching.

If anyone seriously thinks that it is neglectful to a toddler to feed a baby in the way that an adult wants to be fed, then perhaps they should avail themselves of the readily-available contraceptives and / or space their children out further.

why is it out of order to say that you feel following a routine such as GF is not natural and therefor not the best thing for a young baby

i read her book while pregnant thought some it was great, wow getting a baby to feed and sleep to fit around a routine (i had no idea as i had never been around new borns)

ds came along and it went in the bin. nothing in that book was about what is natural or what your intincts tell you to do which is what you should be following (but often these are questioned because of all the crap advice from the likes of gf), gf was a maternity nurse it was her job to get babies to feed and sleep in some sort of order but that is not what parenting is about

Oh do f* of creepy,life doesn't run just how we plan it.

I was told I could never conceive naturally,dd thought otherwise.

Not all toddlers want to be stuck in front of TV or on the sofa.Why shouldn't their needs be met too? They are of equal importance.All age kids are of equal importance.Teenagers often need more than younger age kids due to hormones.

Mothers should spread themselves equally.Newborns don't melt.They are no more deserving of equal attention than toddlers,pre-schoolers or school age kids.

"Oh do f* of creepy,life doesn't run just how we plan it"

Indeed it doesn't, MrsHeffley.

I did not plan to have a child with a life-threatening medical condition which has almost killed her more times than I can count. I did not plan to have an autistic child. Shit happens.

What I could do, was to treat them in babyhood in the way that I would want to be treated. Drinks and food when they wanted it. What is wrong with that?

Freudian GF was pretty natural to me,all 3 of mine fell into her routines very naturally and easily.I had 3 miserable,cranky babies pre GF,within days of GF I had 3 happy,contented babies-and was a happy contented mummy.

One size does not fit all.

I think what creepy meant (and forgive me if I've misread) is that it is perfectly possible to look after toddlers/teenagers and still bf on demand. Newborns are happy in slings and can then just latch on when they want to, mum doesn't have to think about it too much, and other children can be catered to at the same time. Having a babymoon and feeding on demand isn't incompatible with paying attention to your other children.

My 3 have all had drinks and food when they wanted,that is the beauty of a routine they never get to the screaming hungry stage.

All kids are equally deserving and newborns are just as capable of accommodating older siblings as older siblings can accommodate them.Newborns are pretty tough.

Not having ones needs met is far more likely to be damaging and remembered by an older child than a newborn.

It's fairer to split ones time equally which means on occasions a newborn can grizzle in it's basket and a toddler can be stuck in front of CeBeebies. It's not fair for one or other to be continuously pushed to one side for the other which is why routine works so well for so many.

"I also got out and about lots - breastfed babies are very portable as you can feed them anywhere, anytime."

They are if/when you know what you are doing and have breastfeeding established.

I could only feed DD1 lying down for maybe six, eight weeks. So if I left the house with her (which I did, every day, but never for long) I had to get back to feed her.

Getting breastfeeding established is really hard for a lot of women. Making it sound as though it is easy and doesn't take any time is very unhelpful IMO.

Basing yourself mostly at home when your first baby is tiny, and giving yourself and your baby plenty of time to get breastfeeding established, is important.

Second time around is very different - although I still think newborns take a fair bit of feeding, and it's sensible to factor that in. DD2 was 10lbs3oz and an incredibly efficient feeder, but in the first couple of weeks I did spend a lot of time with her at the breast and she wasn't really that portable.

Not all babies are like that World,It's just not helpful to infer that.Babies differ,mums differ.

tell that to gf as she is under the impression that it does and all will be fine if you follow her routines

i personally would rather be out of routine than leave a young baby crying for attention or food, that does not sit right with me at all and this is what i have seen so many of my friends do

Thank you, worldgonecrazy. I would even go so far as to say that ANY feeding on demand is sensible. Even if formula is wasted.

I live in an area of very high social and economic deprivation and because of the expense many babies are put from birth on strict four / five hour schedules and then either under or over-fed because the parents have lost track of who has fed the baby.

I have seen it happen to my sister's newborn. A child aged 8 was given a bottle after four hours to give my niece during a party. She got bored and tipped most of it away. My sister refused to deviate from the routine and feed her screaming daughter because it wasn't time for another bottle.

creepy I think that is an issue of education. I doubt that the women who are following the routines are being deliberately neglectful, just clinging on to some guidance that they have been given as it is probably the only guidance they have had with any authority attached to it. It's very sad indeed.