To think this was all we could afford?

[fhdl34]

Apologies in advance for lack of paragraphs, am on my phone. Today we visited ILs and all of DH's family were there. They were talking about how my DH didn't take enough money out with him last week for BIL's birthday night out. I manage our money so i feel like it was a bit of MIL having a go at me. Basically he took out £30 with him, they went drinking all night, no meal and all in walking distance of our home so that money was all to be spent on booze. After bills we have £140 left out of DH's wage each month and then we live on my wage which is currently SMP of approx £130. That money has to buy our food, petrol and nappies for the week and when he took that £30 out last week, we had to borrow £10 from our savings to last till payday. Whilst I'm happy to spend out of the £140 if it's a one off family occasion for our family as a whole, I don't feel it's appropriate for a night out on the lash. Should I have let him take more out with him? Although i go back to work at end of July, I'll be on reduced hours till more shifts become available so will only be earning £60 per week and I want to conserve our savings to help with that shortfall and ideally, would like to save some money from our weekly money as well.

Surely he had a say in how much money he wanted to take out with him? Did he think £30 was enough?

YANBU to say that is all you can afford.

YABU to think he could buy his share of rounds for a whole night for £30.

Perhaps he should have just turned up for the last hour or something.

Your MIL is being unreasonable thinking she has the right to tackle you about you and your DHs finances.

Did he put her up to it or something?

You don't have to justify to us or her how much money there's spare to go for a night out.

Surely your DH would have scoffed at the amount if he wasn't happy?

What is a pint these days? £3? so £30 is 10 pints.

A whip would have been more appropriate because someone is always out of pocket on round-for-round. Either that or buy your own.

Your MIL is being inappropriate.

He should of stated it at the start and not got in to rounds and then 30 would of lasted him if it was just drinks. Also I think his mum is mad if she wanted him to not have money for essentials to have more money to get pissed

He said he wanted to take £30 but that's probably because he knew I'd have vetoed a higher amount and he knows how much we have to live on. He didn't go into rounds with everyone. He bought his own bottle of wine in first pub and then went onto pints but he did allow others to buy him drinks, something which i really hate as he has no shame about it. I wouldn't let someone buy for me if i couldn't buy back.

It's none of your MIL's business, YANBU.

Who buys rounds these days? No one I know, that's for sure! I think it's a bit rude to just assume that all of your group have the cash to pay for a large number of alcoholic drinks.

Funny enough my ex could go out with 200 in his pocket and be out until 11 the next morning or twenty and still be out until 11 next morning!

If thats all you could afford fair enough, i mean at least you didnt turn round and say nope cant go, cant afford any money!

It's good that you keep an eye on your budget. Yanbu.

Is your DH happy for you to manage the money in this way?

Could just imagine the outcry if someone had posted that their husband had "allowed" them £30 to go out with.

Well in that case YABU to say anything to MIL. It was your dh's choice to take £30 so it is his fault if he didn't keep to his budget.

"Yabu to think that £30 will be enough to buy a round of drinks all night"

Really??! Shows how long it is since I've been out drinking, I would have gone out with a tenner in my purse and expected enough change for a bag of chips on the way home.

And I agree with CorcasS. You make your dh sound like a child rather than a grown man.

I wish he wouldn't let people buy him drinks, I feel like they judge me for it because I manage our money. We got into a lot of debt a few years back which is now clear but we don't do overdrafts or credit cards so we live on what we earn and save for what we need

Dorcas - surely if that is all the money they have then that makes sense. We do the same and I organise all our money and say yes or no but luckily it doesnt cause arguments as DH knows its for the best for us.

I dont think you were in the wrong at all op but maybe dh got the peoples backs up by accepting drinks he couldnt pay back, if he made it clear though that he didnt have much money then that should of been fair enough.

I've been out loads of times on a budget and have always explained that I didn't wish to be included in rounds as couldn't buy them back and that I would stick to buying my own. Yanbu I'm assuming u r in charge if the money as you are the more organized etc? And as much as I'm sure it's not fun if you haven't got it you haven't got it and food and nappies come first. Why can't she just be glad he made an effort to go? I actually think thirty pounds is quite alot of money to spend on booze alone when your struggling and every penny is accounted for. :)

After bills we have £140 left out of DH's wage each month and then we live on my wage which is currently SMP of approx £130. That money has to buy our food, petrol and nappies for the week

So you save the £140?

You must be getting tax credits though? and child allowance too. If you aren't you should be.

No problem keeping a close handle on money - but if you arent getting stuff you are entitled to, its pretty ridiculous to live in near poverty.

If that's all you can afford that's it. None of mils business. However its really shitty of your dh to let others buy his drinks and not be able to buy them back. I would assume BIL has been telling her. I would be annoyed if my brother did the same, especially if it not the first time he has done it. Maybe your MIL was hoping you would have a word about that, rather than having a dig about the amount he took.

If DH sorted our cash out (and I laugh at the prospect) and said we only had £30 in the coffers to spare for beers for me on a night out (which I also laugh at the prospect of) I'd be OK with that.

Why do you think your MIL was more put out by it than your DH?

He must have said to her how much he had for her to know? Did he complain about it to her do you think?

Well I don't know about anyone else but I certainly wouldn't be dictated to what I could and couldn't spend.

So you would of took out loads of money and just spent it even though your family couldnt afford it then you wouldnt have essentials or would of got charged for going overdrawn?

30 pounds is nine pints of beer. Why would his Mum think that nine pints is not enough? Does she not care for his liver or your financial situation? Surley he should only need money for 3 or 4 pints at the max?

DH is fine with me managing our money, his spending problem was the root of our previous debt problem. He always gets to go out when he wants to but, I suspect, never with the amount of money he'd like but that is dictated by our finances, we don't bring in enough money for him to take out £60 - which is what his BIL spent last week

No I would have the sense to know myself what we could and couldn't afford. If a OH was incapable of that I'd find it very hard to respect them.

My ex once said to me "here, you take my credit card so I can't spend on it"

errr do I look like your mother?

Many households have it where one person is in sole charge of the money its not that rare. I think everyone just plays to their strengths