To think this was all we could afford?

[fhdl34]

Apologies in advance for lack of paragraphs, am on my phone. Today we visited ILs and all of DH's family were there. They were talking about how my DH didn't take enough money out with him last week for BIL's birthday night out. I manage our money so i feel like it was a bit of MIL having a go at me. Basically he took out £30 with him, they went drinking all night, no meal and all in walking distance of our home so that money was all to be spent on booze. After bills we have £140 left out of DH's wage each month and then we live on my wage which is currently SMP of approx £130. That money has to buy our food, petrol and nappies for the week and when he took that £30 out last week, we had to borrow £10 from our savings to last till payday. Whilst I'm happy to spend out of the £140 if it's a one off family occasion for our family as a whole, I don't feel it's appropriate for a night out on the lash. Should I have let him take more out with him? Although i go back to work at end of July, I'll be on reduced hours till more shifts become available so will only be earning £60 per week and I want to conserve our savings to help with that shortfall and ideally, would like to save some money from our weekly money as well.

I'd have given him 2/6 and ordered him to be home before 11

That is a bit selfish if it's a joint household income Dorcas, it's not about dictating, it's whether the money is there or not.

I just couldn't imagine a grown adult going to their partner asking for pocket money. Still, each to their own I suppose!

You shouldn't accept a drink if you can't buy one back. If you go out with an amount of money you cut your cloth. Maybe your mil was embarrassed by her son's behaviour. I would be.

I wouldn't be happy being 'told' either. That doesn't mean bankrupting the family either. Dh works and is sensible, when he goes out I don't ask him how much he is taking. I expect he will take a reasonable amount. I work and dh would trust me to do the same. If we were skint, I would expect him to take what he could and make it last. Not try and get others to pay for him. I bet BIL has be moaning that his brother has, again, gone out with hardly any money and sponged. If the OP is embarrassed that he does this, BIL will be too. Wouldn't surprise me if the OPs dh has justified this by telling his mum that the OP wouldn't let him have anymore.

YABU, that was all you could afford. DH BU if he didn't leave when he ran out of cash. That sounds fine to me. Dh and me go for a night out on that.

DH would definitely not have complained to MIL about it but perhaps she does think i should stop him taking drinks he can't buy back? He's always been like that though and I'm not his mother! Re tax credits, we are getting child benefit and tax credit which finishes end of this month but that's being saved to make up shortfall when i go back to work

Children get pocket money Dorcas, this is about how much the OPs finances can spare for a non-essential.

I'd be embarrassed to admit that my OH wouldn't "let" me have any more money. How degrading.

How does MIL know you manage the household money? Just don't tell her things like that none of her business BTW I manage kind of our budget but would not tell DH how much to take, nor he me, we just trust each other.

fhdl34 What's wrong here is that IL's were having a go at you! Is your DH 10 years old or something? You should have said well if he wants to flash the cash then he needs to earn more! It's not as though he's raking it in and you're being miserly.

The problem here isn't your IL's, it's your DH. He obviously moaned that you had only "allowed" him to take £30 out with him. Is he always so manipulative and sorry for himself?

I just wonder, when was the last time you spent £30 on an evening out for yourself?

They all sound awful, especially your DH.

You'd spend money that you knew you're household couldn't afford, just to prove a point?

OP I think that for just drinks, £30 is a perfectly reasonable sum. The fact that your DH let other people buy for him and then didn't return the favour is his failing, not yours.

I think the problem here op is that MIL is in a mood as he accepted drinks without having the funds to pay them back. However she should take it up with your DH as it is his fault for doing that.You are no way in the wrong he had money 30 of which is more than enough for one persons drinks,and you are budgetting for your family.

YANBU to think that is all you can afford.
Your DH WBVU to go out and effectively scrounge drinks off people, that is no doubt the issue here. If he's just drunk drinks he bought himself, everyone would have understood that that was all the money you could afford and I doubt would have had a problem with it.
It's scrounging that is the problem, not being limited in cash itself.
Oh and your MIL was BU to question you about it.

It's reasonable to take out what you can afford. It's not reasonable to sponge off others as your husband did - but that's down to him, not you.

Nobody is suggesting spending more than they have - the point is, as an adult I can make that call myself.

If a bloke came on here and said "I allowed my wife £30 to go out with, as I manage the money and decided that was what we could afford" I can practically guarantee the responses here would be different.

What did you say to your MIL when she had a go at you OP?

OP, I think you were perfectly reasonable factoring in your dh's spending money into your budget, in fact it was really good of you. It's the fact that he ponced accepted drinks when he couldn't return them. Can't stand ponces myself.

£30 is surely more than enough money to buy drinks for one person for a night!
Would be very worried if I thought DH was drinking so much (or am I just out of touch).

MIL knows i manage the money because the family knows of our previous debt problems. DH has occasionally managed our household income since it went into one pot but it never ended successfully. He has full access to our money so can, and does, spend it but given our limited funds he knows his limits.

Perhaps the MIL has already spoken to him on several occasions. She may be trying to keep the peace between her sons (if BIL is annoyed by it). The MIL may think the OP isn't aware he is doing this. Maybe the MIL is trying, although misguided, to solve it. Maybe the mil isn't aware of the financial situation and if the DH has said its because the OP won't allow more, she thinks him taking extra out may solve it. The issue here is the OPs dh.

The reason the OP manages the money is because the dh has a problem with finances. If she allowed him to use his own judgement they would be bankrupt by the sounds of it.

DorcasS- it wouldnt from me I know loads of couples that do just that with the DH making the financial decisions. I do for us and when DH wants something he comes and asks or say for a night out he says can I take x amount and I say yes or no and say can you take x and the reasons why. Its just money management

Its fair enough if he can't manage money.

Sounds alien to me.

But as I say, each to their own.

Why is it "really good" of the op to allow her husband to spend some money? The finances are joint and it is as much his money as it is hers. It sounds as though op is treating her dh like a child and he is behaving like one (cadging drinks off people, being irresponsible about the budget).