To expect my DP to buy me a Mother's Day card on behalf of 8 month DD

[LittleWaveyLines]

My DP rang Thursday to see if I wanted him to get me a mothers day card for my mother while he was in the shop.

I said yes please, so he said, "right then 2 mothers day cards". I said "No, 3..."

"What?"
"Well you're getting me one as well, aren't you?"
"But you're not my mother!"
"......!"

Arrgh, Face-Palm!

So I'm not expecting too much tomorrow as my first Mothers Day as a Mother. I'm actually really hurt and upset by this... He says she's too young to appreciate it. I say, but I'm bloody well not! Hmph

So actually I don't care if AIBU because I'm upset, and may well just show him this thread.

Grump.

My (needless to say ex) husband totally ignored my first mother's day. I didn't say anything to pre-empt it and just waited to see what he would do. He did nothing. He didn't even mention it. Then at about 4pm he had the nerve to ask me why I was so quiet and I gave him chapter and verse about all I'd done as a new mother that he wasn't even recognising. I'd totally forgotten about that until I read your post (seething all over again and this was 10 years ago). You're not being unreasonable.

Yanbu!! BUT! My dh didn't get me one first year we had ds, he soon realised what was expected

Maybe I am being a bit of a martyr, but that's not my intention - I'm just trying to do my best for my DD. She really was a total shock - and I've helped look after plenty of babies before. My friend who is a nanny also admits DD is "one of a kind"
I'm not going to let her scream herself hysterical, which is what she does.

alwayshappytolisten my goodness - 10 years later it still hurts?

Thank you posters - good mixture of opinions. Maybe I'm being a little precious, but not unreasonably so, just understandably so!

Bedtime for this mother who has to get up early (will be regretting staying up this late!)

You're not being a martyr, you're being a mother, which is one of the hardest jobs there is IMO.

I do like the idea of Martyr's Day though. There's quite a few people I'd like to send a Martyr's Day card to...

I 'helped' my boy to make a valentine's card for his dad - he was a week before his first birthday so made a few indiscernable crayon marks on a card and I wrote 'love you lots daddy' inside of it...

I believe valentines' should be for anyone we love (my dad used to write cards to me and my brother too) buuut DP thought it was weird, so I'm not expecting a card until he has to make them at school, but it would be nice... fingers crossed

RE your other issues - my DP had to be told very clearly and several times that I did not feel he did enough of our 'child rearing' or giving me a chance to do un-motherly things. He went to work each day, had all the chances to talk to people other than me or our LO etc, did not appreciate until I really spelled it out for him how much it takes out of you to be up time and again in the night and only talk to your child, partner and parents for weeks on end. You need to talk to him about those feelings before it makes you resent him. Our LO woke up twice, three times a night even at 10 months, short naps, very clingy. He only started sleeping through after I stopped BFing and started 'controlled crying' which was absolutely heartbreaking and knackering at the time but a week later he was sleeping through. That was after DP bucked up a bit and I could not have done it if he hadn't taken that extra bit of the load.

My dh got me a card for my first mothers day but it had some rhyme about how we should have used a condom, I cried!!

Dss's mum is also not mine or dh's mother but we take him out to get him a card and a present for her as she doesn't have a dp and I don't want him to have nothing for his mum on mothers day.

This year my ds1 has made me a card and written a rhyme inside about him givin me kisses and cuddles and it certainly means much more than in previous years. If your dp/dh cares about you they know how much you for you dc no matter how old they are and they should appreciate it on behalf of your dc. My dh has always put a pen in the hand of my ds's and got them to scribble on the card no matter how old :)

YABU. For some reason, now I'm a mother, mother's day makes me cringe.

Now, not the question you asked, but YANBU about DH not actually holding baby enough. Buying a card wouldn't change that, nor in my view, show that he recognises what you do, other than him doing what the shops are telling him to do and buying more stuff.

"My (needless to say ex) husband totally ignored my first mother's day. I didn't say anything to pre-empt it and just waited to see what he would do. He did nothing. He didn't even mention it. Then at about 4pm he had the nerve to ask me why I was so quiet and I gave him chapter and verse about all I'd done as a new mother that he wasn't even recognising. I'd totally forgotten about that until I read your post (seething all over again and this was 10 years ago). You're not being unreasonable."

Nothing like waiting to feel offended to fill someone with righteous indignation.

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happy mothering sunday!

Father's Day isn't until June anyway!

What will he do, ignore it every year till your DD has earned the money to go into the shop and buy a card independently with nobody reminding her or encouraging her? So, depending on her first job, she'll be 16 or so??
Until then, he should do the job, buying and writing the card for a few years, or helping make it, then giving her the pocket money or making sure she has some to go into a shop and choose a card or present. Whatever he says, he has a role so he may as well get used to it now.
YANBU.

blackeyedsusan where did you get the shamrocks from?
I didn't notice them!

you don't deserve a card if you think as a father that he doesnt deserve one on fathers day.

i mean how incredibly selfish. probably hurts his feelings

You are so not being unreasonable. DS was 9mo last yr and 'took me out for lunch' expect, explain and demand!

My Dh forgot last year (first mother's day). He didn't forget this year, put it that way.

YADNBU!! I'd be livid if I didn't get one!

WTF? You think a piece of flimsy cardboard is really any sort of "reward" for bringing up your children? Are y'all mad? Revel in the pleasures of motherhood and don't be caught up in the ridiculous, sentimentalist, commercial guff.

You're a Mother and have been through the whole giving birth and looking after a teeny baby why shouldn't you at the least have a card and it's your first Mothers day why not have a day to celebrate that?

OP, I feel your pain. As soon as I consider it morning (6am after a bad night) I hand DS3 (5m) to DH and give him the change bag and go back to bed. No 'please can I...' just 'here is your son'.

You should give it a go

And yanbu.

Thanks blackeyedsusan and Jnice

minimisschief - where did I say he didn't deserve a father's day card? I said I deserve a Mother's day card, that if DD had been born then I probably would have got him a fathers day card, and that Mothers Day is celebrated in both our families, but Fathers Day is not....
I also said I do soooooo much more than him. Which is true.

Well, I have just had my second baby and DH is definitely doing a lot less than me. He actually got up in the night and announced he was going to spare room. I said "what time shall I bring her in then?" for my mothers day lie in (all I wanted for mothers day, no card, no present, just my first stretch of sleep longer than 3 hours for 10 weeks)

He said "so I don't get any sleep then? I've been working all week"

Cue me being and he had had every night of sleep since dd2 was born!