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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP to buy me a Mother's Day card on behalf of 8 month DD

81 replies

LittleWaveyLines · 17/03/2012 21:48

My DP rang Thursday to see if I wanted him to get me a mothers day card for my mother while he was in the shop.

I said yes please, so he said, "right then 2 mothers day cards". I said "No, 3..."

"What?"
"Well you're getting me one as well, aren't you?"
"But you're not my mother!"
"......!"

Arrgh, Face-Palm!

So I'm not expecting too much tomorrow as my first Mothers Day as a Mother. I'm actually really hurt and upset by this... He says she's too young to appreciate it. I say, but I'm bloody well not! Hmph

So actually I don't care if AIBU because I'm upset, and may well just show him this thread.

Grump.

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 17/03/2012 22:16

Father's day hasn't been yet this year, so you've not missed it.

It's mothering sunday, he should be showing gratitude to the woman who's mothering his child. Mr. LittleWaveyLines - you've screwed up here, ok, so your DD isn't old enough to write a card, granted, but she's also not old enough to send thank you cards for her gifts, but I bet LWL ghost wrote them. My DS is 2, he's also not really old enough to understand, but I've got a lovely handmade card waiting for me and will get breakfast in bed (from DH) with DS 'helping' (well, climbing all over me while I eat it). It's not too late, get yourself to the 24 hour supermarket and pick up stuff for breakfast, a card and some chocolate, and remember to say thank you for LWL's care and dedication to being th best mother possible for your DD.

Original poster
LittleWaveyLines · 17/03/2012 22:17

Actually I probably would have got him a card, because I'm soppy like that. But that's neither here not there as it didn't happen before this arose.

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 17/03/2012 22:17

There may used to have been greek festivals celebrating motherhood, although I'm not sure of the relevance, but Mothering Sunday was about visiting your Mother church, it wasn't about celeberating motherhood - but of course all that is irrelevant to what is customary now. But you can't claim any longer history to mothers day than fathers day based on it.

PineCones · 17/03/2012 22:17

Well, being your DP and not your DC, does he need to get you a card? Maybe wishing you or getting you something else would count more?
Because the card thing does feed the consumerist argument.

Original poster
LittleWaveyLines · 17/03/2012 22:18

Awww Thank you LydiaWickham :)

OP posts:
featherbag · 17/03/2012 22:19

My DH didn't get me a Valentine's card (we usually do get them, I spent ages choosing a lovely one for him and writing it out, he 'didn't get round to it') - that was ok, just. Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day as a mother, if there is no card 'from' 5mo DS there will be Serious Ructions.

Original poster
LittleWaveyLines · 17/03/2012 22:20

Agreed re card and consumerism. Picked flowers or a cuppa with a lie in would do Grin

However he is happy to get his mother one?

OP posts:
lovebeinganana · 17/03/2012 22:21

I think he definitely should.

I still get annoyed at my dd's ex three years on, they split up two weeks before mother's day, at the time they lived with us and they were on friendly terms and thought they would stay that way. Just before he left I asked him if he was going to get something for mothers day his response of course it's my job. As the day got closer there was a niggle in my mind so I got card and pressie for dd just in case thank goodness because he didn't bother.

yousankmybattleship · 17/03/2012 22:22

Really don't understand why you would expext your partner to get you a card. You're not his mother and your baby isn't old enough to understand. You are still a mother, just don't see why you expect a card.

featherbag · 17/03/2012 22:23

Because it's a nice thing to do, that's why!

Starwisher · 17/03/2012 22:25

I just assumed it was a given that mums and dads bought cards on behalf of the children until they are old enough.

I'm surprised it's even up for debate!

Original poster
LittleWaveyLines · 17/03/2012 22:29

I expect a card but I am doing all I can to be the best possible mother to our child, ad Mothering Sunday is the perfect opportunity for him to acknowledge all the efforts I do. And yes I do do soooo much more than him!

I can't even have my evenings to myself because she cries if I leave her in bed - her special super baby powers detect me sneaking away, and she wakes. I can't leave her with anyone else as she gets upset after 5 mins, and she wakes at least every 2 hours during the night, and only naps for 2 x 30 minutes during the day. I basically don't ever get a break -she's not a "put-down"able baby either.

It's been a very long 8 months.

He doesn't take her very often. He gets lunch breaks at work, he gets his evenings to watch TV / play WOW. He gets to do his hobby at a weekend.

I just want a Mother's Day card :(

OP posts:
PineCones · 17/03/2012 22:32

When you put it that way OP YASAHNBU!
('sure as hell' inserted there)

Starwisher · 17/03/2012 22:39

Hmm there is more to this than a card op.
Sounds like you are feeling fed up at his attitude in general at the card is actually the last straw....

gallicgirl · 17/03/2012 22:40

YANBU

It doesn't matter that you're not HIS mother. The day is there as a celebration of all mothers and the great job that they do. I send one to my step mother because she did of fab job of helping to bring me up. It doesn't matter a jot that she isn't actually a biological mother. She's my mother in some way and should be celebrated for that.

I mean she should be celebrated for her role, not for me IFYKWIM Blush

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/03/2012 22:41

First Mothers Day like Baby's First Christmas are sacred Grin. Of course the baby has no idea, but it's for the parents.

My DC have made me cards, my DD was colouring at school, my DS hastily made something with card and tape.
But it's the thought not the money.

(On a aside, something I treasure is a little Thank You letter DS wrote when I looked after him with his sprained ankle. There was a picture of him sitting on a chair, feet up.And me carrying a tray of snacks foor him.And I've got no mouth. How Freudian is that?) Grin

wellwisher · 17/03/2012 22:43

YABU and ridiculously precious, both about Mothers' Day, which is indeed consumerist bollocks, and about your DD if she's 8mo and "still feeds 2 or 1 hourly day and night, won't be put down still, and won't go to anyone else for more than 5 mins without crying."

It sounds like a Martyrs' Day card would be more appropriate... Hmm

Laambkins · 17/03/2012 22:43

Oooh - what a buggger! My DP is out at a work doo tonight, wonder if I get a lie in tomorrow. No, I'll probably up with my 8 month old at 6 and get a shitty card from Tesco and a shit teddy bear...from Tesco.

Woe is me Grin

SparklyGothKat · 17/03/2012 22:44

My ex doesn't buy a card from the kids for mothers day, yet I buy a fathers day card and present from the kids for him. My Dp buys a card and a present from the kids which he gets the kids to sign so I do get a card and present.
He should buy a card for you from your dd.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 17/03/2012 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

featherbag · 17/03/2012 22:47

Wellwisher, what a nasty post! I really don't understand why there are so many unpleasantly bitchy posts on MN lately. You must be a very unhappy person to feel the need to speak to a complete stranger like that. Or a total bitch

Starwisher · 17/03/2012 22:48

Yes wellwisher, a bit of an ironic name there by all account

McPhee · 17/03/2012 22:49

here here featerbag!

McPhee · 17/03/2012 22:49

featherbag..doh

wellwisher · 17/03/2012 22:50

Yeah, I did wonder about namechanging to grumpycah but couldn't be bothered Grin