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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BIL and his fiance getting married...on our 1 year anniversary

92 replies

WrigglyWorm · 16/03/2012 19:44

OK - I will start by saying I am delighted my BIL and SIL to be are getting married. I love them both. Just received my our invite. They have chosen a date in November for the London part of their wedding (the legal bit will be abroad) - it has been described by SIL as being a Big White Wedding and will be v exciting. I love weddings. My slight beef is the fact that the date is our wedding anniversary. It will be our first. I don't think I own that date or something, and actually I think its quite sweet its on the same day but they haven't mentioned it. Is that strange?? No "how funny we are getting married on the same day" or "Nov is a great time of year to get married!!" NOTHING. AIBU to think they might have mentioned it??

OP posts:

happygilmore · 16/03/2012 19:47

they probably haven't realised, wedding anniversaries aren't a big deal for others I don't think (not for me, at least!)

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2012 19:47

It's a bit odd (they probably forgot) but they not really getting married on that date are they? So you anniversaries will at least be different.

Gumby · 16/03/2012 19:48

get dh to text his brother saying you can't come cos you'll be in New York celebrating your 1st anniversary

stressheaderic · 16/03/2012 19:48

yes, it won't actually be their Wedding day will it.
And aniversaries aren't really made a big deal of in my family, I don't even buy my parents a card.

BillyBollyBandy · 16/03/2012 19:48

I have no idea when either of my brothers' anniversaries are and I was bridesmaid for both. In fact I have been bridesmaid 5 times and could only tell you the month for any of them.

I would imagine they just haven't realised.

SharonGless · 16/03/2012 19:49

YANBU
I think it would have been common courtesy for them to let you know in advance of the date. There may be a reason such as it is the only date that they cam get the venue which they want, but should have picked up the phone to tell you. How do you get on with them?

Pancakeflipper · 16/03/2012 19:51

I bet your BIL is clueless to what date you got married on.

Original poster

WrigglyWorm · 16/03/2012 19:52

Gumby

I think you are right, they have probably forgotten. Agree its always more important to the actual couple. I know my bro's anniversary and my parents' but maybe we make more of it in my family.

OP posts:

SharonGless · 16/03/2012 19:52

It was only a year ago though and presumably BIL and SIL attended the wedding?

Cherriesarelovely · 16/03/2012 19:53

I'm not saying that YABU but I literally cannot tell you the date of anyone's wedding other than that of my parents! Sorry, I notice that Billy is the same! I actually can't even remember the date of my own civil partnership ceremony 6 years ago...I realise how weird that sounds especially since I am a very romantic person but I guess I am just not that good with dates!

SharonGless · 16/03/2012 19:54

I have been bridesmaid three times and always remember the date and send a card plus to all immediate family on their anniversaries. Depends on dynamics of DH family I suppose but I would have to say something to them

AKMD · 16/03/2012 19:59

I would think it was a bit weird but wouldn't take it as a massive insult or cut them out of my will or anything :)

TheSkiingGardener · 16/03/2012 19:59

We have friends who make a huge deal out of every anniversary, remember everybody else's and send them a card. Everyone else I know has no idea when any oxide anniversary is. It sounds like in your family it's a Thing You Remember, but it probably isn't to them.

I'd reply saying "Yes, love to come, lovely way to celebrate our anniversary"

In a nice way btw, not a PA way

MegBusset · 16/03/2012 20:03

YABU - I can barely remember my own wedding anniversary and have no clue about anyone else's. I'm sure it wasn't chosen deliberately and they've just forgotten. Why would it matter anyway? Look at it this way, at least you'll be able to remember their anniversary...

OriginalJamie · 16/03/2012 20:05

I only remember my brothers wedding anniversary because it is Valentines Day.

I also regularly forget the exact date of my own (should have got married on Valentines Day ...)

Turniphead1 · 16/03/2012 20:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

OriginalJamie · 16/03/2012 20:06

And, in the nicest possible way, YAB Massively U. Actually, I think celebrating your own Anniversary at a wedding is very romantic and meaningful. Maybe they did it on purpose

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/03/2012 20:09

I'd guess they have forgotten. I can't remember anyone else's wedding dates, even when I have been bridesmaid.

It will be lovely to go to a wedding on your anniversary, it will bring back lots of lovely memories.

bobscratchit · 16/03/2012 20:13

They will have forgotten, but i may something, otherwise if someone else mentions it on the day, you will be thunder stealing.

My OH proposed on a date that was not linked to anything in my family as my mum would have brought it up, he was sent a list of dates from my sister, but what he didnt check was his side, and we got engaged on his parents wedding anniversary, I was not amused.

LydiaWickham · 16/03/2012 20:24

Say something now, it'll be probably be incorporated into the grooms speach! I wouldn't remember the exact day of most other people's weddings, but less than a year on, I'd remember the month.

Look on the bright side, you'll probably spend your anniversary in a nice hotel.

RuleBritannia · 16/03/2012 20:24

My mother chose to marry her second husband on our fifth wedding anniversary. My DDH and I were going to celebrate our own. For us, five years was a milestone so I was peeved that my mother they chose that date. We had to go along with it though (although her marriage lasted only 4 years).

MouseyHousey · 16/03/2012 20:31

I would be a little peeved to be honest but our family is quite close and celebrates all anniversarys. My bil and sil anounced at the end of last year that they are getting married on my birthday this year. they originally had a different date but changed it for reasons only known to them.

DoomCatsofCognitiveDissonance · 16/03/2012 20:31

I'm sure they've just forgotten - I was massively surprised to get a card on some random date last August as I'd totally forgotten it was my own wedding anniversary.

Surely wedding anniversaries are quite private celebrations, so it's not as if you will ever have to worry about it until the milestone celebrations - and then, of course, yours will come a year before theirs so if anything, it is them who might be losing out.

abbierhodes · 16/03/2012 20:32

Bobscratchit, why would the day you got engaged on matter even slightly? Your sister sent him a list of dates????? Crazy!!!!!

OP, I can't imagine they have remembered. I think it's really odd to expect other people to make a fuss of an anniversary. Surely it's a day for you as a couple, no one else?

OriginalJamie · 16/03/2012 20:38

Blimey, I consider it an achievement to remember peoples' birthdays. If I've got to add Anniversaries and Engagements to that, I'm sunk

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