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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BIL and his fiance getting married...on our 1 year anniversary

92 replies

WrigglyWorm · 16/03/2012 19:44

OK - I will start by saying I am delighted my BIL and SIL to be are getting married. I love them both. Just received my our invite. They have chosen a date in November for the London part of their wedding (the legal bit will be abroad) - it has been described by SIL as being a Big White Wedding and will be v exciting. I love weddings. My slight beef is the fact that the date is our wedding anniversary. It will be our first. I don't think I own that date or something, and actually I think its quite sweet its on the same day but they haven't mentioned it. Is that strange?? No "how funny we are getting married on the same day" or "Nov is a great time of year to get married!!" NOTHING. AIBU to think they might have mentioned it??

OP posts:

EnjoyResponsibly · 16/03/2012 20:38

Not an insult at all, I reckon just about everyone in the world forgets a couples wedding date approximately 24 hours after the wedding.

Except the brides mum, who obvs remembers every important date associated with her daughter.

My husband only remembers because I had the foresight to engrave it onto his forehead into his wedding band

DialMforMummy · 16/03/2012 20:38

YABU I can't remember when my sister got married. What difference would it have made if they had mentioned it? I don't really why you are slightly "beefed".

inkyfingers · 16/03/2012 20:40

From what I read, their wedding is NOT your anniversary. 'The legal bit' will be the date of their wedding anniversary. You don't own the date.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 16/03/2012 20:41

Yabvvvvu - nobody will really care or remember your wedding date except you (and your dh if you're lucky!). I struggle to remember my own children's birthdates sometimes, let alone somebody's wedding anniversary! I bet it hasn't even crossed his mind (and really, why should it?).

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 20:46

I think that would be quite nice actually and romantic in years to come

NeshBugger · 16/03/2012 20:47

Their official wedding anniversary will be different in subsequent years. This will be a one off and a cool way of you celebrating your anniversary without having to go to mad fuss yourselves. Nice of them to lay it on for you really

But some ppl are funny about dates. My SIL was most put out that my dc2 was born on the same day as her dc2, 15 years later!

ComposHat · 16/03/2012 20:47

Aside from my parents (and only then because they got married on Bastile Day) I can't remember a date or in most cases what month any of my friends or family got married on.

They probably don't realise.

bobscratchit · 16/03/2012 20:47

It was just that my mum would have gone, oh that's Birthday/day they died and so on.

I didn't request a list of no go dates, my sister just did it. But thought it was a bit bad he managed to pick their anniversary.

People like to have their date special, same as you would prefer you didnt have to share your birthday with other people in your family for example.

OriginalJamie · 16/03/2012 20:48

Also!

In years to come, when you are forgetful like me, you'll be able to remember your own Anniversary because you'll remember it was your BILs wedding day

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 16/03/2012 20:50

"But thought it was a bit bad he managed to pick their anniversary. People like to have their date special, same as you would prefer you didnt have to share your birthday with other people in your family for example." That seems a bit selfish and silly to me tbh. As adults, surely that shouldn't matter in the slightest?

MadameChinLegs · 16/03/2012 20:51

I thought the only people who celebrated or indeed remebered their anniversary was the actual couple? And even then, the DH only knows as it's marked on the calander in big fat red pen so he dare not forget lest he will suffer my scorn

belgina · 16/03/2012 20:53

YABU. My own DH can't even remember our wedding anniversary (not even our 1st), without reminding. I certainly wouldn't expect my BIL.

ComposHat · 16/03/2012 20:59

People like to have their date special, same as you would prefer you didnt have to share your birthday with other people in your family for example.

Do 'people' like that,do they? All 'people' in all cases.

or are you just universalising your own experience and views?

I for one couldn't give a fat rat's ass.

Bogeyface · 16/03/2012 21:08

Bobsccratchit Tell me that you are not being serious!!

If you are serious then you being not amused about it is the most bloody stupid thing I have ever heard!

abbierhodes · 16/03/2012 21:09

'People like to have their dates special' OK, even if we go along with that- the day he proposes isn't a 'date' is it? You don't remember or celebrate that, surely?

Bogeyface · 16/03/2012 21:12

It was not "a bit bad" that he chose that date, what was "a bit bad" was the fact that he clearly was expected to inspect the diaries of everyone in both your families to ensure that it didnt clash, when all he wanted to do was propose. Although heaven alone knows why.....

ddubsgirl · 16/03/2012 21:13

my dh uncle & aunt refused to come to our wedding as it was same day as thiers,we didnt know,he just said they couldnt come,wasnt till after we were told!he was pissed of at us and barely spoke to us after,no-one told us even tho after we got the oh yes,well its was thier wedding annirvasary had we know it would cause so much upset we would have changed the day!

TandB · 16/03/2012 21:19

YABU

I have absolutely no idea of the anniversary dates of anyone I know.

everlong · 16/03/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled · 16/03/2012 21:20

I haven't got a clue what date my DH proposed. I don't think I could name the month. Some time between May and August. I do know when my wedding anniversary is, but I don't usually notice on the day. I certainly wouldn't have a clue when someone else's anniversary was, or think it had any relevance to me.

OP, I think YABU, but I can see how it might feel a little weird if your family is used to noticing and celebrating things like anniversaries.

MildredH · 16/03/2012 21:26

I think the previous posters are right- they've not even remembered.

Not quite the same but DH and I went to a very old friends wedding 5 months after our own and they had the exact same - pretty unusual- first dance song as us. Like you we weren't bothered and obviously don't own the song but thought it a little odd that they'd not mentioned it!

Nowt as odd as folk..

EightiesChick · 16/03/2012 21:31

I am one of those people who does remember everyone else's anniversaries and sends them cards. However, it wouldn't put me out to find someone else getting married on my (our ) wedding anniversary. That may be partly because I have known, in my lifetime, 7 other people who have the same birthday as me. 2 of them I have been good friends with. I have another close friend whose birthday is the day before mine. So I have been used to other people 'sharing' my celebration day for years now

They have almost certainly just forgotten exactly which day it was, or have assumed that since the actual wedding date won't be the same, it isn't an issue. So I have to say, kindly I hope, YABU.

Plus, as has been said, their actual anniversary won't be the same, and in fact you will get a posh day out on your 1st wedding anniversary - perfect, I'd have thought! You can use the 'clash' as an excuse to go out a second time and celebrate your anniversary alone!

(On a side note, what's this thing people have of making the wedding a huge multi-part event as if it's the Olympics, with the 'legal' part in one place and a do somewhere else on a different day? I do think it would be better just to do it all in one go. Though that might make it even worse for you OP )

scarletforya · 16/03/2012 21:34

YABU

Other people don't know your anniversary! Yes, they might have been at the wedding but that doesn't mean they'll remember the date when it's over.

I don't know my own brother or sisters anniversaries or those of any of the weddings I've ever been at....why would I ?

I'm absolutely aghast at mentions in this thread of people other than the couple sending cards to couples on their anniversaries! What the hell next!?

DingbatsFur · 16/03/2012 21:37

YANBU because it happened to me. I was for quite a while, as Sil had been bridrsmaid at our wedding & knew the actual date. She just didn't imagine it would upset us. I don't however think you can do anything. I got pregnant & then found I was no longer so angry as I had a small baby at their wedding.
Deep breaths!

EightiesChick · 16/03/2012 21:43

scarletforya On one side of my family, there is a fierce card culture. Some families are just like this. One relative didn't speak to another for 6 months because while they did send a wedding anniversary card to them, on the correct date, they hand delivered it to their house in the evening. Which is obviously beyond the pale and everyone knows that a card that arrives after noon even on the relevant date is a Poor Show. . I kid you not.

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