to say I dont always like myself on here, AIBU makes me a BITCH

[porcamiseria]

and I'm not in RL!

the bully thread upset me, as I do hate it when everyone piles in, I really do

and It does happen alot

then i though...HANG ABOUT

I have been rude, I have sworn at people, and I barged into MN royalty threads and called them all "sad cxxts!, maybe not in those words exactly

who I am to comment on others, really?

so, long weekend away I think

I know its only words in a screen, but its left me feeling, well not too good aboujt myself TBH

its soo easy to barge in a post something blunt, maybe too easy

The number of times I type out a reply and then hit the delete button. It probably makes me comes across as very bland - I just need to adopt the same process in RL - except in RL my face says everything I am thinking .

It is not just words on a screen - I have been upset by people on here, and then namechanged to forget it.

There are some very good comments on this thread however, particularly the well thought out contribution from iCANdothisiCAN Fri 16-Mar-12 10:15:13

I have been attacked several times on MN for my comments / replies but have always tried to responded in a civil manner even when faced with vicious and / or obscene remarks however when the attacks have degenerated into inane name-calling I have then have simply ignored them.

As for me, well I am by nature very quiet, almost diffident at times and always try very hard to accommodate 'difficult' people but due to the natrure of my job, frequently dealing with a very male-dominated and 'hard' industry, I have had to learn how to be emotionally tough.

"Oh, and because I never sweat the small stuff and rarely take offence, I tend to assume that others will be similar - and it's a mistake I have made several times.

I gamboling along, thinking I'm mucking about, and then suddenly I realise that someone has really taken umbrage at me...and 99 times out of a 100, it really wasn't my intention."

I find that too LeQueen. I have always leaned towards feeling that if a person is so easily wounded as to be genuinely upset by a stranger's fleeting opinion on an internet forum (even if undeniably rude), then their problems run deeper than anything I can be responsible for....but maybe that's an ungenerous and unrealistic attitude to take.

pictish - I agree that if someone is upset about a poster being rude it is unlikely to be just because of what is posted. But people do come on here feeling depressed, down or anxious and so a nasty post can imo make some people feel very upset.

Someone harassing you across several different boards I agree has clearly got other issues going on that are impacting on them.

Lesley I know. Believe me, I don't come on here thinking "right, who can I upset today?" - not in the least!

However, and I am prepared to be shot down over this - I cannot ultimately be held responsible for the mental wellbeing of every poster on this site.

It is nice to be nice - but if someone is behaving badly, and posting about it for opinions, then they can expect to hear some harsh opinions straight back!
Because I can handle being torn strips off, I guess I assume that other people should be able to handle it too.
I think posting rampant arseholery on a public forum, then getting upset when someone tells you you are being an arsehole, is naive and expecting way too much of a bunch of strangers! I certainly don't there-there every person I meet in RL, and don't expect to have to here either. Nor do I expect to be there-thered in return.

Sometimes I have been the rampant arsehole - and have been told as much. I didn't cry or report the post, I thought 'fair enough, that's your opinion' and either wondered if they might be right, or ignored it overall.
It has never spoiled my day though.

I appreciate that I need to think about what I post more - I accept that...and am going to try to tone down my abrasiveness, but there is a wee part of me that thinks some people need to toughen up.

Welll...yeahbutnobutyeahbut....

What I might consider not worthy of abrasiveness, may have you spitting flames, and vice versa. None of of us can claim the monopoly on what people should and should not get riled up over can we?

tbh I accept that some posters have been bullied, which is very wrong. But I think it is very uncomon. What I do think is more common and not helpful is:

1. People posting boring, biscuits, etc when it is a thread of a subject that is done all the time - usually by a newbie. I do think this is unnecessary and disrespectful.

1. Joke threads not clearly being joke threads - fine to have them, I start them, but maybe needs to be a bit clearer that it is a joke. I am thinking in particular of the murder one where some posters posted their personal experiences.

1. Jokes between regular posters going back and forward and others posters say wtf is going on? Just a quick post to explain can stop people feeling excluded or sometimes imagine posters are being nasty to each other when they are just joking.

1. Those in AIBU accepting that if you ask AIBU you might get all/most posters saying yes. And that this is not bullying.

1. People reporting more posts that are reportable and challenging posters that are unnecessarily harsh. MN is our site and we all need to take responsibility to make it work right. And this includes challenging or reporting as appropriate.

One thing that happens a lot on here, and which is never addressed, is the tawdry unfairness of the emotional blackmailer. I think in all honesty it is a type of bullying that I'm certain is often recognised but seldom, if ever, mentioned.

Those are the posters that when faced with opposing views to their own, and on reading things they don't want to acknowledge, immediately fall back on tales of woe in order to steer other posters away from daring to disagree with them further, for fear of looking like a heartless bastard. Kwim?

I so agree with everlong that 'its nice to be nice' but somehow that's seen as being wimpy on here.

I don't mind people disagreeing with me but I'd hate to think I'd upset anyone.

Some posters are just very aggressive for the majority of the time and I just mentally block their posts as know I never agree with them.

"But what is bullying is when several posters keep picking and stripping one particular persons posts apart. They not interested really in the OP but making or trying to make one person feel bad for what they perceive that post to be about."

Everlong - Of course trying to make someone feel bad is bullying. I guess the challenge comes about agreeing when this is actually happening. Sometimes some posters may think it is happening and others will think it is just robust debate.