to say I dont always like myself on here, AIBU makes me a BITCH

[porcamiseria]

and I'm not in RL!

the bully thread upset me, as I do hate it when everyone piles in, I really do

and It does happen alot

then i though...HANG ABOUT

I have been rude, I have sworn at people, and I barged into MN royalty threads and called them all "sad cxxts!, maybe not in those words exactly

who I am to comment on others, really?

so, long weekend away I think

I know its only words in a screen, but its left me feeling, well not too good aboujt myself TBH

its soo easy to barge in a post something blunt, maybe too easy

Yes, I thought your stance on that bullying thread was a bit rich coming from you Porca. I believe you when you say you are lovely in rl but your mumsnet persona is blunt to the point of rudeness and you are very sweary. Good idea to take a break maybe?

I think you probably are lovely in RL if you're worried enough to post about it, by the way.

we've crossed many swords porca, but you know what i like about you? you don't labour a point and get into fights trying to prove yourself right.

kudos for that

porca - Its always good to question ourselves a bit about our behaviour. But don't sweat this one or worry about it.

I just wish certain other posters could maybe get a bit of insight into themselves

were they the bullies in the playground? the ones that formed packs and ridiculed, goaded and verbally abused those that wouldn't go along with that pack mentality?

boglach - There are some on here who are bullying. But honestly sometimes when posters say there is bullying all I see is a load os posters disagreeing with the OP.

I got accused of bullying once and hunting in packs. Just because me and several other posters that I'd never engaged with before that thread unanimously disagreed with the OP's ridiculous viewpoint. I did lose my rag after a bit. I'd posted reasonably and even offered her good advice on her predicament. Then she staretd getting more and more naggy and whiney so I might have ended up telling her to wind her neck in and go for a lie down in a dark room. I would do that IRL too though tbf.

It's not bullying, it's heckling.

It's like going to an open mic spot at some club in Depford and then complaining when the crowd shouts 'off off off!'.

I agree with lesley sometimes people will cry bullying when infact people are just not agreeing with their POV , and some do stamp their feet and feel victimised , A true bully takes glee in this and will pounce ,

Don't worry porca, I like you too. If everyone wrote flowery posts ALL the time this would be a very boring place.

Wow porca, good for you.

You're absolutely right, it really is too easy to just post the first thing that comes into your head when there isn't an actual person in front of you.

The thing is though, it is an actual person and I think a lot of people lose sight of that.

To be totally honest I don't often look at a poster's name unless the post stands out for a particular reason, be it funny, insightful, rude or exceptionally kind so there are few names that stick in my mind. I'm quite sure there are many posters who I've found hilarious, sweet and a total cock all on the same day but that's human nature.

I think the main danger lies in people who in RL tend to surround themselves with people who either completely agree with them on everything, don't agree but never say anything or just don't ever share their opinions.

I consider myself very lucky that my group of RL friends are a very diverse bunch. We often have massively different views on things both important and trivial and are all more than comfortable with sharing those views. It makes us a lot closer as a group as we all feel free to discuss, disagree, debate sometimes even argue and know without doubt that it does not affect the underlying love we have for each other.

I love hearing someone else's point of view whatever it is. Sometimes it cements my view sometimes it makes me angry but mostly it's somewhere in the middle and I really enjoy seeing things from another perspective.

Yes it can be difficult on forums at times as it's impossible to avoid people that you really really dislike and whose opinions and posting style you find just basically offensive but those people appear in all walks of life. All you can do is either put forward your side of the argument and state why you find what they have said offensive and be prepared for them to reply or just ignore. It's the same choices we face in RL every day.

I also find it very interesting that the people who are the most outspoken are often the ones who take replies more personally. It's definitely the case that the more "highly strung" and emotional people are often the ones who will give a knee-jerk ill thought out response. I find the people most likely to take offence are the ones most likely to cause it.

Wow that was a sermon, I take no offense if anyone got bored and skipped it!

In short, good for you op. Forums like this are a fab way to gain an insight into yourself. Good on you for being self aware enough to take stock.

Hopefully by you being brave enough to start this thread others may do the same.

Great thread op.

The trouble is that AIBU gets used for both genuine queries and for highly entertaining joke threads - I'm think ChaosTrulyReigns and her ongoing disasters with her fanjo for example here - and sometimes people can't tell the two apart (including me before now). So sometimes one ends up saying things that are actually very cruel like with the murdered neighbours thread, which some posters thought was real but turned out to be tongue in cheek, and ended up with some genuinely extremely upset mnetters who had shared some truly terrible experiences. What I say in real AIBU's tends to be quite considered and lacking in bad language, whereas 'joke' AIBU's are littered with and spermy sex towels and Gregg's Sausage Rolls and lots of lovely bad language that I haven't used in RL since dds were born.

I totally agree fuss. i have seen this happen on more than 1 thread. I think sometimes OP's need to be clearer at hinting that it is a joke thread in their opening post - and I include myself here.

ICAN totally agree and good on you for explaining in such a balanced and erudite way :)

I've actually namechanged recently due to making a tit of myself on what I thought was a joke AIBU and turned out not to be.

fuss - I wouldn't worry about that - honest. It is not always obvious - especially if you don't know the names of the MNers involved. i always just feel sorry for posters who don't realise it is a joke thread and often post that it is a joke. But honest, don't feel bad about it.

Hint - if it is started by Hullygully in AIBU or CHAT it is virtually always a joke thread - as are many of her comments.

Good for you porca.

I don't think you are the only one to be guilty of this though, I know I do it a lot too. Although I'm under a new name at the moment.

I find myself writing a lot more bluntly than I would actually speak face to face, and I'm aware that because of my writing style I don't always come across very well. But I really am a nice, well liked person in RL, even though I would pretty much state the same views. Ive never been directly rude to anyone on here (I don't think) even though I disagree with the majority opinion ALOT! Sometimes I have found myself alone defending my opinion on a thread where all but one or two people agree with me, and then I end up coming across as even more brash and defensive, and possibly a bit of a twat. Whereas in RL if I found myself in that position, I'd probably just remove myself from it by going out for a fag.

lesley33 I think she was referring to herself.

I haven't noticed porca, but I don't take that much notice of names unless they are particularly evil to me or they come up time and time again making pathetic comments. I don't think you have done that?

There are posters on Mumsnet at the moment who just love to be rude and that's about all their contribution is. They have a competition to see who can be the most offensive about telling someone to "fuck off". In fact, they don't just tell someone to fuck off, they also make personal comments about a poster, telling them they are sad, stupid, a loser and so on. THOSE are the posters who incur my wrath because I truly believe they are little shits How can anyone get pleasure from tearing apart someone they have never met?

Anyway porca, you are clearly not in that league so don't worry. I find it's always good to apologise if you feel you've gone a bit too far as you'd be surprised at how much respect that gets you. Like this thread for instance, will do your reputation good.

I think I'm always too damned reasonable and perhaps I should be blunter? I should have a 'fuck off' day.

I agree OP. I could've written your post.

I don't head for AIBU, but work only from active convos, but yeah sometimes I later think about something I have written and regret my callousness.

I think that for me, I'm coming from a place that doesn't much care who says what to me on the internet - I am rarely if ever offended or upset by negative comments directed at me. I can brush them off no problem.

Not everyone is like me, and I think I would do well to bear that in mind. It never occurs to me that someone might *actually8 be offended, as I never am. I am too quick to assess situations by my own standards I think.

Oh and I am blunt face to face as well, and enjoy being descriptive and florid in my language, just as I do on here....but I don't seem to have any problems in RL because of it - I (think) I am generally likeable with it.

On here I can sound flat and negative without the help of intonation, body language, and facial expression.

I should probably reel it in on here. MNHQ have warned me a couple of times already.

I might consider a name change and a new more diplomatic persona, that thinks before I post.

If it makes you feel any better, porc, I am a bitch irl as well as on here. TBH I just don't give a shit any more as even when I am nice to people they don't return it and my life doesn't get any better (I do try to be nice to people who are worse off than me e.g. homeless people but not to people who have things better than me but use that to justify objectionable opinions), so I figure I may as well just say what the hell I like. People who actually have friends and people who help them and all that shite may vary in their opinion.

Wibbly - I am genuinely sorry to hear that you have had such a tough time with people in your life. I have made friends with people who have had similar experiences to you and they have been genuinely surprised that people can be nice and helpful to each other. There are nice people out there. I know though its not always easy to find them.

"I also find it very interesting that the people who are the most outspoken are often the ones who take replies more personally. It's definitely the case that the more "highly strung" and emotional people are often the ones who will give a knee-jerk ill thought out response. I find the people most likely to take offence are the ones most likely to cause it."

I hope that wasn't a veiled reference to me?

I did take offence at being told to piss off. Actually I was quite hurt by it. But I don't give knee-jerk, ill thought-out responses. I think very carefully about my posts - often deleting/not responding at all if I think I might hurt someone.

The fact that you have posted Porca, shows you do have empathy to people. I have had to namechange, as I got attacked recently by a poster, who then didn't have the decency to come back onto the thread and respond when I tried to defend myself. Mind you, the original OP who started the thread didn't want to aknowledge the effect their actions had on me either (posted a 'joke thread' under a similar name to mine). Sorry, sounds self-pitying now - I like a good debate and a fun thread as much as the next poster, but I just don't expect to be picked out for particular attack, especially when there are others posting similar views as me.

I think that there are times that people do start "jumping on the bandwagon" and then it can come across as bullying. But the main times I've seen bullying accusations is when the OP posts in AIBU and is told what they didn't want to hear.

I am more outspoken on the internet that in RL, but I'd mostly walk away and not say anything meaningful if I totally disagreed with someone. I don't do conflict well and avoid it as a general rule.

However the beauties of this sort of forum is that people who genuinely want to know people's reaction to something can get a more honest response than from a friend, or people would give to their face.