...to expect DH to support me in being ‘good’?

[MrsArchieTheInventor]

I?m trying to be good and cook good family meals, not eat rubbish and not drink alcohol. I asked DH a few days ago if he would support my ?quest? by not eating rubbish and giving up alcohol for a month or so except when he goes out with his mates of a Sunday night. We?re both overweight but I?m the one trying to do something about it at the same time as feeding two picky children. DH refused point blank to give up late night nibbles, sweets and booze and it?s left me feeling, well, angry. I fully accept that I am responsible for what goes in my mouth and that no one forces me to eat/drink what I do, but some support would go a long way to helping me, plus it would be beneficial for him too, though he doesn?t see it that way.

To be honest, his stance is ?I?ll support you but it?s your problem, not mine? and that?s shocked me a bit. Makes me wonder what his idea of ?support? is.

"it's more the total lack of respect for her by refusing to acknowledge he has a problem, and refusing to address it."

erm no, that would be lack or respect for himself. nobody can make someone lose weight if they dont want to do it themselves. just the same as nobody can make OP eat the junk food if she doesn't want to eat it herself.

Lydia ? I suppose that is one way of perceiving it, that I?m lining him up as the person to blame for my failure, and that?s something that I maybe need to take on board. Regarding the beer he bought on Saturday, I had half a lager shandy, he had the rest of the can because I was too gassed up to finish it. I do have some self-control in that I can leave a meal when I?m full and say ?no thanks? to pudding ? believe it or not I?m not a pudding person. And he does say ?have a sip of this, it won?t hurt you? and it ends up getting a bit snappy because he keeps insisting that I try some of what he?s having.

YY Lydia I don't eat a lot (wine is my calorific downfall) but if that's all I had for tea I'd be tearing the cupboards down by 9pm...

it's both, booy.

she's asked him to see it, he's blithely ignored her.
she's asked him to stop putting his health at risk. he won't do it for her, he certainly won't do it for himself.

"he keeps insisting that I try some of what he?s having."

this is the behaviour he should be changing to support you, and it is totally reasonable that you ask him to stop this as it isn't up to him what you try or dont try.

Lydia - it's not hunger that's making him snack, it's habit. Lollies have the nutritional equivalent of sand and they do not satiate hunger. If he was hungry he would eat fruit.

It's very good that you are doing your best to eat and drink healthily. Good for you! But I think you might (at this stage) have more motivation in the tank than your DH does. It's a common scenario (I see this in my work when helping people wanting to or having to give up smoking or lower their weight and cholesterol) that women often have the good intentions first and will give it a try, but find the obstacles hard going - some are more successful at overcoming it than others. Men often cannot convince themselves to have the good intentions, although they've heard all the news reports and know in theory that it is a good thing to do. But once they get a wake up call - whether that is not being able to get a job, getting a serious illness like a heart attack, or the trauma of being laughed at in the pub - they will knuckle down and be able to accomplish their goal successfully. I don't think that he's not trying to be supportive. I just don't think that at this stage he wants to achieve this goal as much as you do. Do you think you can continue to work away at your goal even if he is not joining in at all? After all, you want to be healthy, look better and feel better for yourself, not just because your DH is joining in too. So keep going and maybe your commitment (and results) will be a good example to him.

it's right about the meal, though.
all meals should have something from each of the food groups.
that means you need carbohydrates too (pasta/potatoes/bread etc)
mackeral and salad is the kind of unbalance "meal" my ex would class as healthy.

he shouldn't be doing it for her! losing weight for someone else is the wrong way to do it. he has to be doing it for himself an dif he isn't ready then he isn't ready.

'it's not hunger that's making him snack, it's habit. '

and that's the reason why so many people are overweight - it's because it is near enough impossible to break those habits, even when you are motivated. He is not motivated into breaking his eating habits, so all you are doing his nagging him, and blaming him for your own lack of self control.

I missed out the slice of bread with the meal - Warburton's seeded. That's the carb.

true.
but agree with you on the fact that he shouldn't be trying to force his own crap down her throat.
another been-there-done-that klaxon.

actually, maybe that's the point you need to focus on OP!
tell him you'll stop forcing your diet on him (and make a more balanced meal!) if he will stop trying to force you to break your diet.

(x-posts. thank you for clarifying)

I don't think that's enough OP, sorry, not if he's a big guy. Probably not enough for you either. See if you can get hold of a WeightWatchers book or similar from somewhere to help you plan more filling meals that are still going to help you lose weight. The mackerel, salad and a baked sweet potato for instance, would be more balanced.

YABU.

He has to decide to lose weight, you can't control him even if you think that you are acting in his best interests.

I would limit what you buy in the weekly shop, and then he will have to get what he wants as 'extra'.

I know that it is going to make life hard for you, and he is being unreasonable IMO for not wanting to lose weight for his health but it remains his choice to make.

YABVU

I am on a quest to loose weight, my DS is underweight and currently on a quest to gain it

we support each other completely but this does NOT mean I have to comply with his high cal diet, or him with my low cal one

If you're really in the right frame of mind to loose weight it wont matter what those around you are doing, if you're not then even if others around you are "good" you prob wont do so well

also, I agree that your dinner is not big enough.

DH not DS!

It's a fine meal for us all - he's not snacking because he's hungry, he's snacking because it's habit! If he was hungry he would eat some fruit or make some toast. Lollipops and hard boiled sweets do not satiate hunger! The kids will have some melon and grapes for a pudding and I will just fill up on salad, and that will do us. DH will have the meal and pudding and when the kids have gone to bed that's when he'll start on the sweets.

I'll leave off trying to convince him to join in and just try and lose weight on my own, and I'll be a better person for doing it. And maybe Sherbertpips is right - "he might change his mind when he has a slim minxy wife who doesnt fancy him anymore though........"

OP, I can't see how big your portions are, but just be careful that both of you are not eating meal portions that are too small. (That could be a reason why your DH is snacking, if he's actually still hungry after a big meal). The way to lose weight successfully is not to cut down your meal size so drastically that you are both in effect starving - what then happens is that, after you've lost weight initially, when you go back to bigger portion sizes (even though you cut out crisps and alcohol), your body will slow down its metabolism and put on even more weight because it thinks you might be in for another famine. That is why a lot of crash diets don't work. Cutting out the unhealthy snacks for yourself is a good start, but a man's metabolism is different to a woman's - your DH might need more complex carbs and low GI foods that take longer to digest and release calories - oats (eg porridge) are well known for this, unrefined carbs - eg wholewheat pasta and brown rice and potatoes with the skin on (but hold the butter!). And lots of fresh veg (for greens and carrots/peppers/tomatoes, try to undercook them where possible, this again helps with taking longer to digest). What you want is to lose weight slowly, not quickly, no matter how bad you feel his knees are. If you haven't already been given an appointment by your GP with a dietician (should be free on the NHS) for advice about healthy ways to prepare food and safe ways to lose weight, then do ask them to get you one. Seeing a health professional together might help motivate your DH a little more.

I would really hate you if your were my spouse, telling me to eat fruit instead of the chocolate that I desperately wanted.

Talk about preaching.

and there's nothing more DEmotivating when it comes to weight loss than someone breathing down your neck about it! would make me wanna rebel drink neat cream. It has to come from the individual who is loosing the weight!

DH has supported my weight loss, but if he ever told me what to eat I'ld go out and buy the biggest family sized bar I could find and eat it all on front of him just to prove that I can do what I want and he couldn't tell me what to do

"and I'll be a better person for doing it."

A better person or THE better person
OP you don't sound very kind and nice towards him, if you're like this in real life no wonder he's comfort eating!

Thing is, on that meal, while he might not be feeling starving, he won't be feeling full - add some new potatoes, fill him up so that he's less inclined to snack, even if it is habit. (You don't have to have them too if you don't want to!)

'I will just fill up on salad, and that will do us.'

god you sound so smug. I'm surprised your dh hasn't brought home a kebab for his tea while you're nibbling at your salad. That's what I would do.