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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that asking for money ...

91 replies

Happychappie · 13/03/2012 13:21

... as a wedding present is just unbelievable!! They do not want any presents - only to share their day ... but if we insist on a gift, 'what we'd really like is a gift of money'. Is it me or do people think that this is a bit of a cheek!

OP posts:
Methe · 13/03/2012 13:25

I always give money so that people can buy what they like and received misty money for my own wedding, though we didn't ask for it.

It is entirely reasonable not to 15 toasters and some hideous towels. Money is sensible. Most people live together before they get married mower days and don't need a load of 'stuff'

Wedding lists on the other hand are awful.

larks35 · 13/03/2012 13:26

I think they're being really sensible. They've given the option of not giving anything - more than most invites suggest. I gave money to my friend on her second marraige. That is what they needed and it helped to pay for their honeymoon. Would you prefer to give a dinner plate or two?

TheCountessOlenska · 13/03/2012 13:29

What's worse is the cutesy poem which now seems to be de rigueur:

"we have so many pots and pans good gosh
so please give us lots of dosh"

etc etc.

GeekCool · 13/03/2012 13:31

Then buy them a gift! Some people like yourself do object, but tbh many people live together now before marriage and don't require the traditional gifts for setting up a new home.

Kitchentiles · 13/03/2012 13:32

I think it's vulgar but am well aware I'm in the minority these days so I say nothing and give them John Lewis gift vouchers.

ComposHat · 13/03/2012 13:37

I think it is grasping & vile.

My cousin, both her and her husband have pots of money and the wedding was paid for by their parents, tried to sugar the pill by saying it was to pay for the homeymoon. Bollocks.

They went on honeymoon the day after the wedding. So unless they spent their wedding night sat up with ceefax on looking for a late availability, the honeymoon must have been booked and paid for.well in advance.

They didn't get any cash from us, but I bought a present.

Original poster
Happychappie · 13/03/2012 13:38

It puts me in mind of a couple of children's parties I have been to where there was a black bin bag for us to put our 'presents in here' before we have even got through the door!

I will be selecting a very special gift for them...

OP posts:
LoveHandles88 · 13/03/2012 13:39

Who wants a bunch of presents, most of which you won't like, use or keep???
I give money to everyone I know that gets married. Much more useful. Vulgar or not, I don't care. I also asked for money for my own wedding. If anybody found it offensive, I don't give a toss, it's what we needed, not 20 photo frames and 16 vases topped off by coffee/tea/sugar jars.

valiumredhead · 13/03/2012 13:42

As we had lived together for 10 years before getting married and lived in a tiny flat if umpteen people had given us presents we would've had to move out due to lack of space!

faintpinkline · 13/03/2012 13:46

I don't mind being asked for money but I'd like to think it was for something specific. My friend asked for contrbutions so they could get joint lifetime membership of the National Trust which I thought was a lovely idea and I know they've had far more joy out of it than they would have had from a toaster or a pillow

Original poster
Happychappie · 13/03/2012 13:48

If people would rather have/need the money then why do so many people spend an absolute fortune on their wedding? It is only for one day ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Happychappie · 13/03/2012 13:49

I agree, faintpinkline, that sounds a great idea.

OP posts:
mrscoleridge · 13/03/2012 13:52

No yanbu I also thinks its vulgar and graspy. I always remember getting an invitation that included a bill for my exh's usher suit as well as request for money hotel details oh and no children allowed. I had a six week old bf baby. We didn't go

CremeEggThief · 13/03/2012 13:52

I specifically asked for vouchers, as I knew any cash would just go on our massive credit card bills. Guess what? Most people just gave us cash :(.

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2012 13:54

Please come to our Wedding bash,
Fuck the presents,
Bring cold, hard cash.

Grin A little too direct?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/03/2012 13:55

It's fine. You like them, you want them to be happy? Give them money not some foul vase of your choice that they will hate but be stuck with.

valiumredhead · 13/03/2012 13:55

I know a couple who specifically asked for no presents or money and everyone still gave them money/vouchers, you can't win really.

Katiepoes · 13/03/2012 13:55

If you buy a present instead what do you think you are achieving? Are you teaching the grasping vulgarians a lesson? Or are you being a twat forcing a trip to John Lewis to return your glasses/towels/toaster/china gewgaws on the newly weds?

ifancyashandy · 13/03/2012 13:56

Vile. I wouldn't go to the wedding if they asked for cash. I'd feel like I was only invited for what they could get out of me.

Mrskbpw · 13/03/2012 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 13/03/2012 13:59

But everyone expects to take a present - why take one that they won't use or don't like? Confused

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2012 14:00

Some couples do take the piss though

My mate decided to get married at a hotel in the middle of nowhere, in a poncy Golf Club with a bar that should also have offered a Mortgage service.

And on top of all the petrol, drink and accommodation money, they expected everyone to give them cash as a gift Grin

We declined citing the fact we could have had a week in Spain for that price

RuleBritannia · 13/03/2012 14:00

The trouble with giving money or vouchers is that the recipients know how much you have spent on them. oooh look! Auntie Rule has given us only .... while Auntie Nonrule gave us ....

As for vouchers, my husband and I were given some garden vouchers for a garden centre but our nearest is 20 miles away!

valiumredhead · 13/03/2012 14:01

So why would it have been better if they had asked for presents 'worra'?

AWimbaWay · 13/03/2012 14:01

I asked for money.

I'd been living in my own house for 10 years so didn't need any household items. I told people not to bother with a gift but they just kept asking for a gift list. I was 8 months pregnant at the time so made a list with some baby stuff on then asked for cash towards doing up the nursery.