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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tightness to this extent is really unattractive?

111 replies

Bluebell99 · 13/03/2012 08:57

I have a friend who is unbelievably tight. She is so thrifty it's embarrassing, and I say that as someone who likes charity shops and saving money! She came to my gym the other day on my guest pass, so a free day out to her. She arrived early and ordered coffee but didn't pay for it! I just think that is so cheeky and reflects badly in me. Members get reduced rate coffee but not free. It's not that she can't afford stuff either. Her mil is paying for her family to go on a dream holiday and she was bleating on that her mil has said they will have to buy the food.

OP posts:

LentillyFart · 13/03/2012 08:59

So if I go to Starbucks, order coffee and refuse to pay - errrr - wouldn't that be theft? She sounds like a bit of a twat - why are you friends with her?

Firawla · 13/03/2012 08:59

yanbu i hate that

Whatmeworry · 13/03/2012 09:01

IMO tightwads are a "run for the hills" sort, as that meanness of spirit goes into so many other areas.....

BrianButterfield · 13/03/2012 09:03

Well, that's not tight, that's just stealing, surely? And yes, it's very unattractive and I say that as a charity-shopper and full-fledged bargain hunter.

Iheartpasties · 13/03/2012 09:03

I hate nothing more than a completely un-generous person.

albertswearengen · 13/03/2012 09:13

I am having my inlaws for a week and they are all to a man, how shall I put it, 'careful' with money. I will spend the week trying not to get myself into situations where I pay while they nip to the loo, or disappear to grab a seat or my MIL fav where she puts stuff in my trolley and 'we'll settle up later'.
On the othe rhand they are generous in other ways but the small things get to me.

NoWayNoHow · 13/03/2012 09:25

DH has friends like this - we used to see them all the time, and now we see them maybe once a year.

When someone asks me 3 months later to pay back the £2 I owe them (that I borrowed, btw, to top up a round of drinks that I was buying for them), then I'm done.

BrianButterfield · 13/03/2012 09:32

My ILs do it too and it winds DH up. FIL owed him £20 and he actually managed to get it back, but said "I won't have this for long". Sure enough, that evening on the way back from a relative's house, ILs suggest getting takeaway. We say OK, and then, after it's ordered...oops, they didn't have any cash. So bang went the £20!

It was pretty funny though as DH was determined to get it back - it took months but he got it in the end

treadwarily · 13/03/2012 09:40

Oh I hate meanness too. One of my friends is always phoning me to borrow a voucher book and she won't give up if I'm not in, she phones and phones, then comes round and once, when I couldn't find it, wanted to search my house for it.

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/03/2012 09:41

Glad to see you are all agreeing with me! I also find it hard to stomach her meanness to her children. A while ago we met their family for a coffee and her dd's eyes lit up when two luxury hot chocolates arrived with cream and marshmallows and my friend said to her dd, no that's not for you you're having tap water, so she and her dh sat drinking lovely drinks along with me and my family and her kids had tap water!

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 13/03/2012 09:46

I once frogmarched my sister to a cash machine and demanded the £40 she owed me there and then.

I am not made of money, nor do I have the bank of cheese printed across my forehead........drives me bloody crackers it does!

SnaggleFlap · 13/03/2012 09:55

YANBU- nothing worse than a real tight-arse. I too like a bargin and also a good rummage around charity shops, but everyone seems to know at least one person who takes the piss.

I have an old school friend, who is lovely in many ways, but is super-tight and shockingly bad with money i.e. pisses it away on crap, but never seems to have any money, no matter how much she's been earning (has a pretty well paid job now, but was like this, even at school). Everyone else always ends up buying her drinks on a night out, or lunch, or lending her money and not getting it back for months.

As I say, she is nice, but I don't see her that much now apart from chats on the phone, and i'm quite glad as she is literally a drain on resources!

carabos · 13/03/2012 09:58

I worked with a woman whose best "cheap" trick was to always complain about the food / drink and get something off the bill, or preferably free of charge. She would do it no matter what the food was like - embarrassingly she would clear her plate and then complain.

She also used to do this on holidays - book and pay for a week, then when she got there launch non-stop complaining and only stop when she got compensation of a free week the following week - i.e. two weeks holiday for the price of one. When she arrived back from said holidays she would claim that all of her luggage had disappeared - all of it - and state that the missing suitcase contained camers, laptops, expensive watches, you name it.

She always got away with it.

Flyonthewindscreen · 13/03/2012 10:07

YANBU, my SM is like this (DF goes along with it but is generous if she isn't around to notice). They have plenty of money but give terrible tat from car boot sales/jumble sales as presents (my 10 yo DS's second hand golf balls - he doesn't play golf, were particularly "special").

Dawndonna · 13/03/2012 10:10

I had a MiL that did the 'settle up later' thing Alberts, I started putting a basket in the trolley and as she put stuff in, I put it in the basket, handed her the basket at the checkout. Funny, it stopped after the third time!

plutocrap · 13/03/2012 10:14

albertswearengen, you need to do an online shop, so there are no opportunities for her to "add" things!

carabos, what a misery-spreading individual! I hope she makes herself miserable, too, by her determination to appear not to enjoy anything!

plutocrap · 13/03/2012 10:16

Oh, missed your post, Dawndonna: that's a good one!

Pusheed · 13/03/2012 10:34

DP and I collectively earn about 15 times what DP's younger siblings earn (they don't know how much we actually earn except that it is a lot).

The youngest once asked us to book some London theatre tickets for him for when he came to visit with his GF (she had never been to a West End musical). We bought tickets for him and for us, thinking that he would pay us back later for his.

His tickets came to about £80 and when he showed no signs of offering up the money we thought that he would offer to pay for dinner. He didn't even bother to pay for his half of dinner let alone offer to pay for the drinks. During dinner his GF coo-ed about how the tickets were a birthday present from him. He just sat there and smiled.

As I said, we earn about 15 times his salary so we don't mind picking up the bill for dinner. He is DP's little brother in London and we we meeting his GF (and now wife) for the first time so we were glad to play host. But it was taking the piss to expect us to pay for his theatre tickets especially when it was supposed to a birthday present from him to her.

Anyway, now whenever he or his brother suggest meeting up we just fob them off. On the occassions when they come to visit we just ignore the hints to go out for dinner and instead we just order pizza or kebabs.

They aren't cheap or tight judging by the money they spend drinking and partying. They just think that DP and, by marriage, I owe it to them to pay for everything simply because we are related and have more money.

Sorry for hijacking the thread. I just wanted to vent (he came to stay last weekend)

Firawla · 13/03/2012 10:35

carabos im sure thats totally illeagal insurance fraud, she could go away for a long time if she keeps that up! bound to get noticed eventually

notdrowningjustwaving · 13/03/2012 10:37

Oh, I thought this would be a thread about jeggings!

But no, YANBU, OP. although I'd say thriftiness and tightwadedness are two very distinct traits. Many people can be thrifty, but have much generosity of spirit and be very thoughtful. I'd have no problem with receiving a charity shop/car boot sale gift if the said item was bought because the giver definitely thought I'd like and appreciate it.

Most of the tightwads I know are absolutely rolling in spare cash, but are always on the look out for a freebie from someone gullible or vulnerable; and there is a fine line between try ons and being utterly, morally reprehensible. I'll include anyone who makes false insurance claims, it's just theft. Some of the people mentioned in this thread, the OP's friend and the luggage/free holiday woman, are just fraudsters and thieves.

notdrowningjustwaving · 13/03/2012 10:38

x-post with Firwawla, I agree with you wholeheartedly!

JennyPiccolo · 13/03/2012 10:39

15x more rich? Jings. how would you even know that? I'd never ask my brother how much he and his wife earns then compare it to me and dp. No wonder he takes the piss out of you.

PinkAndPurplePirateGirl · 13/03/2012 10:52

My friend is a right tight arse, or rather her husband is and she is forced to be the same. Whenever we meet up anywhere she just has a glass of tapwater and nothing to eat. I have lost count of the amount of times i have bought her a glass of coke and lunch. She isn't allowed to buy anything new for the DCs, only secondhand things.

Pusheed · 13/03/2012 11:08

He works on the fish counter at Sainsburys. Not too hard to figure out what he earns.

As for us, we live in a large house, run two cars, take expensive holidays and have two DCs in the private school system. Not too hard for HIM to figure out our ball park income.

lurkerspeaks · 13/03/2012 11:10

Pusheed you aren't sounding very nice here.

I earn more than my siblings and I treat them to stuff when they come to stay. On the other hand they do contribute eg. I'll buy dinner, they'll buy drinks.

You never know when economic fortune might reverse - better not to be too superior as you never know when you might need a hand.

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