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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tightness to this extent is really unattractive?

111 replies

Bluebell99 · 13/03/2012 08:57

I have a friend who is unbelievably tight. She is so thrifty it's embarrassing, and I say that as someone who likes charity shops and saving money! She came to my gym the other day on my guest pass, so a free day out to her. She arrived early and ordered coffee but didn't pay for it! I just think that is so cheeky and reflects badly in me. Members get reduced rate coffee but not free. It's not that she can't afford stuff either. Her mil is paying for her family to go on a dream holiday and she was bleating on that her mil has said they will have to buy the food.

OP posts:
DaisyAndConfused · 13/03/2012 14:52

stars you sound lovely and it is hard when you're skint, I've been there too. If people genuinely offer to pay for things out of love and affection you shouldn't feel indebted.

Good friends should, if possible, try to be aware when incomes differ. I have a good friend who was v. skint when we were both in our 20s, so when we planned things together I always made sure we could both afford them.

She's now a v. well paid lawyer and has pots more money than me, so the tables are turned! We are still good friends and she will be my DD's godmother (and would have been if she was still skint BTW).

NonnoMum · 13/03/2012 14:54

Is your friend very skinny, or does she has 'ishoos' around food? Just a thought... Seems to me that lots of tightwads also are tight with their calories too...

CakeMeIAmYours · 13/03/2012 15:17

It always seems to be well off people who behave like this though - I often wonder whether they're wealthy because they're tight, or tight because they're wealthy

ChloeMc · 13/03/2012 15:20

Pusheed I think you were given a needless hard time, I don't think you were boasting but I think you used the difference in salaries to illustrate the story. Personally I hate people who do that. Nothing more annoying. It doesn't matter who has more money, have some self respect. I'd never allow somebody to pay my way just because they earnt more. I've been in a position where my family have stayed with people and we gifted them, and also treated them to a meal out. Which was mistaken as a free for all, and we were taken for a total ride for 5 days, being landed with every food/drinks bill.

SaraBellumHertz · 13/03/2012 15:21

creepy I agree, they baffle me also.

I can't think of much worse than be thought of as tight. It's just such a horrid character trait.

And Shock at describing the cost of tickets as "loose change".

theressomethingaboutmarie · 13/03/2012 15:46

Pusheed - it seems to me that you have been given an unnecessarily hard time here. Your BIL is a sponger with no shame btw!

When I was a kid, my uncle was known for being extremely tight. We were a family of 7 kids (step, half etc) and he used to buy us a tin of Quality Street between us. We used to save all of our pocket money for months to buy gifts for family and he used to spend what a fiver on 7 kids? He was very well off btw and took plenty of luxury holidays etc.

Pusheed · 13/03/2012 15:52

ChloeMc - re being taken for a total ride, a co-worker I was friendly with suggested that each pay day we would have a bet about something and loser pays for lunch somewhere nice. It sounded fun so I said ok.

The first lunch was on me. We went to a Chinese restaurant and the 'friend' started to order the expensive stuff. As I said earlier, I'm a bit wimpy when it comes to dealing with people like this so I said nothing.

Anyway, the next time it was his treat. We turned up at the restaurant and it was a case of no reservation? no table. Silly me, goes the 'friend'. I should have booked a table Hmm. It was only 1pm on a Friday lunchtime at a very popular reatuarant in the City. So easy to assume that a reservation was not required [where is that damned emoticon for Sarcasm]

He ended up treating me to a pub lunch.

Needless to say, I made my excuses the next time he suggested having a losers pays for lunch fun bet.

As you can see, there is a pattern that streches back years :(

Pusheed · 13/03/2012 16:08

And at describing the cost of tickets as "loose change"

I don't mean to be insensitive towards others. But at the same time it is so hard not to offend somebody.

I mean, my kids are at private school because their state school didn't stretch them. If your DC is at state school that comment will piss you off.

In year 1 I said that we were putting DD into Kumon because her literacy wasn't that great. That pissed off a mum whose daughter was reading a lower level book.

In another thread the OP asked if £40k was a lot. I said no it wasn't because high flying grads I know were starting on £60k. A couple of minimum wage/on benefits posters turned up to say how insensitive I was to post this information.

As you can see, it is difficult if not impossible to be me without offending someone :)

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 13/03/2012 16:40
Shutupanddrive · 13/03/2012 17:03

Quit while your behind pusheed Hmm

ledkr · 13/03/2012 17:12

My friends and i used to have a drink at home before we went out.We would chip in for a lge bottle of smirnoff and some coke-not wanger,the drink type Grin
One girl wouldnt chip in and then bring a tiny bottle of cheap vodka and no mixer and then drink ours.One day she did it and so i put our smirnoff on the table and then her tiny cheap bottle in front of her and said "heres yours" She was shocked and said "oh i thought we would just chip in" Hmm I bet she flipping did. I hate tightness.

sparrowfart · 13/03/2012 17:12

Out for a walk, just days after ds2 was born, we popped into village pub with mil. She gave ds1 a pound coin to put in fruit machine with his daddy as he liked the lights etc. Straight away they won two pounds. She took her pound back, and gave the dss the other pound to share, as a gift from her. Good ole baby blues gave me the perfect excuse to go bananas, dp still hasn't forgiven me!

Pandemoniaa · 13/03/2012 17:14

I don't want to appear unsympathetic pusheed but I really think that it'd be sensible to throw the spade out of the ever-deepening hole now.

Original poster
Bluebell99 · 13/03/2012 17:20

Ooh NonnoMum she is very skinny. She does like to get the reduced bargains and sometimes fills her freezer with bizarre to me stuff like half a deer :(. we went to dinner the other day with friend's and she complained that the wine I had brought was cheap! Thing is it was a tesco finest one so not desperately cheap and actually was quite nice. So anyway, we took wine, nibbles and enough desserts for 6 adults and 6 children. she brought 6 small starters. I should have suggested we drank the bottle she brought if she didn't like ours, knowing she hadn't brought any.

OP posts:
SaraBellumHertz · 13/03/2012 17:23

pusheed fwiw i earn considerably more than 15 x the guy on the supermarket fish counter. As does my DH.

I don't think you're being particularly insensitive, everyone knows salaries vary enormously. You do however sound like a bit if a twat.

HTH

Maryz · 13/03/2012 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megapixels · 13/03/2012 17:51

Does pusheed make a habit of it then? [clueless of any backstory]

I only saw her on the shalwar kameez thread saying that they were garish and lacking in cut and style (or something to that effect).

theoldtrout01876 · 13/03/2012 23:49

I had childhood friend from the old country come stay with me and my 3 kids for a month silly mistake number 1,she brought her 2 kids silly mistake number 2. She never offered a penny towards their stay,3 meals a day for 3 extra people, 1 of her kids was a teenager. Lights and TV on 24/7 asking to be driven all over the friggin state ( very limited public transport in my town and taxis hard to come by).

By near the end of their stay I was broke,she came to the supermarket with me and actually took a trolley, I was all excited,figured she was actually going to come through. Well the trolley was filled with junk food and crap ( they had eaten all I had in the house already). The crap was taken into their room on return and my kids were not offered a thing,they would sit and watch her kids eating them, If they asked ( mine were younger) they were told sorry I only got enough for us.

Couldnt get them out my house fast enough :o. She makes noises every couple years about comming back, I make excuses :o

Pusheed · 14/03/2012 00:11

"I only saw her on the shalwar kameez thread saying that they were garish and lacking in cut and style (or something to that effect)"

I've no idea what a shalwar kameez is but it sounds like an Indian garment so not guilty. You've obviously confused me with some other poster.

If you are going to flame me then at least make sure it was actually me

As for making enemies, its not my intention but I am obviously in the minority when it comes to my perspective on life, the Universe and everything.

megapixels · 14/03/2012 14:24

Sorry Pusheed, I just checked and it's not you. Just someone with a very similar name.

Pusheed · 14/03/2012 14:33

Thanks Megs. Its tough enough taking the hits for things that I did post. I'm not ready to take on the sins of others :)

megapixels · 14/03/2012 14:58

True. Grin

wellwisher · 14/03/2012 22:10

I don't think Pusheed sounds at all twattish.

Her BIL, on the other hand... Angry

Pusheed · 14/03/2012 22:44

Thanks wellwisher. I seem to have accidentally hijacked the thread and morphed it into - AIBU in thinking that Pusheed is a twat? :)

OhTheConfusion · 14/03/2012 23:39

Well having read the entire thread I have cringed, sympathised and upon reading Pusheed's last post 'I seem to have accidentally hijacked the thread and morphed it into - AIBU in thinking that Pusheed is a twat?' giggled no end :)

I had a friend who was never done telling me how hard up she is, not a penny to spare etc. DH and I felt really sorry for her and her DH. Heating was never on, cheapest food available bought, could never afford to go out with her toddler. You get the picture.
So I would find myself paying for soft play, coffee, lunch etc. If she came to visit she had lunch, if I went to visit I took lunch. Then she began asking for petrol money if she came to visit and offered me a lift to collect DC's from school (her DC went to the same school Hmm) but the petrol money requested was well above what the trip (she was making anyway) cost. I soon became frustrated and stopped inviting her out.

As nice a person as she was her tightness was too much.

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