AIBU to think a 6 year old should not still be in a pram if they haven't got SN

[Mrbojangles1]

On a bus today with my newborn then a lady with a pram and a toddler who her oh was holding got on, i asked if she could fold it down so others could get on as he oh was sitting with the child at the back i was blanked.

Then another lady got on with a stick pram the child looked rather large to be in a pram so i asked how old the little boy was she said 6 i then asked if he had sn she laughed and oh no he is not disabled he has a cough .

then i was asked by the driver to put MY PRAM DOWN GURRRRRRR AS THEIR WERE now 3 parms on the bus

IF YOUR CHILD IS 6 AND HAS NO SPEICAL NEEDS AIBU TO THINK THEY SHOULD BE BLOODY WALKING not in a sodding stick pram were their feet are dragging on the floor because their to jeffing big for it

[sashh]

Did you make eye contact with the lady with the empty buggy? She could easily have been deaf.

I think the 6 year old probably does have SN but mum doesn't want to say, and she has that right.

mylittleponypinkypie
If he has an inner ear infection then no he can't stand and swap to a seat, and possibly can't keep sitting up on a moving bus.

[Triggles]

fazsaeed - considering that your 18mo is having health problems, I would think you would be more inclined to understand that often children's illnesses/disabilities cannot be seen and that sometimes parents don't wish to discuss it. Would you want someone questioning you about your own child?

mylittleponypinkypie - I think the issue here is more that the OP had no business asking whether or not the child had SNs. What is the child is ill and doesn't have SNs? Well, then, does the OP then have the right to judge whether or not they are ill enough to be able to remain in the pushchair? Of course not! It's a parent's decision, as they know their child best.

I get so sick of this topic coming up over and over again, with people whinging about "oh that child is too old to be in a pushchair" and "the mum's lazy and the child will be obese." You don't know that, it's none of your business, worry about your own child and keep your nose out of other people's business! God forbid you actually just give the other mum the benefit of the doubt that maybe she actually has a valid reason for the circumstances.

[flossiebella]

Up until moving recently I was a regular inner city bus user just in case I am accused of not knowing what I'm talking about. There is in my experience a certain Bus Etiquette that runs on the basis of Last In the bus, First Out of pram except in cases where the needs of a passenger getting on trump those of the people already on the bus. For instance if a wheelchair user or someone with a tiny baby got on you would move or fold your pram/buggy/pushchair/stick pram/trolley/any other perambulation device you might have. You clearly have no problem asserting yourself; you asked a woman barefaced if her child had SN & seem to have assumed her parenting was in the wrong because she chose to allow her unwell child to use a pushchair. So by the same token why you could have used this assertiveness to say you could not fold the pram due to your baby being so small or to readdress the woman who "blanked" you. Did she have headphones in? Was she deaf? Did she not hear you? Did she speak English? So many possible options.

YANBU to expect that as a parent of a newborn you should not have to fold your pram but YABVU in the way you handled this situation.

[fazsaeed]

My child is still a baby so back off.

A 6 year old does not need to be in a pram if they have no
Health problem

[buttonmoon78]

Am totally you asked if he had SN!

My then 6yo dd2 spent 2 weeks doing the school run in a buggy. She had such severe chickenpox that the spots were everywhere - even on her labia. Getting in and out of the buggy was excruciating, walking was worse.

Obviously, I'd have not taken her on a bus when contagious, but after that if someone had called me on it I'd have told you them to bugger off in no uncertain terms.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Why aren't there more intolerant nosy buggers on the buses I use? I'd love to have this sort of entertainment on my journeys, with strangers playing pushchair Top Trumps and being insanely rude to each other just to save themselves folding their pushchair down.

Did you really ask if the child had SN?

[treadwarily]

Whether or not you think someone else's child should be in a pram/stick or other, does not make it okay to harrass them about it. It really is your problem and not theirs, and if you carry on being so rude you might get thumped.

[Highlander]

I've never understood how it is a total social faux pas to put an older child in a buggy, but completely acceptable to use a car.

I used to get constantly (felt that way) harrassed about DS2 in a buggy when he was 4. Yet I never used the car. We graduated to a scooter, but he was just too knackered in the afternoons for the 2 mile round trip to fetch DS1 from school.

[DeWe]

You were very rude to ask if he had sn. Very passive aggressive.

She may well have not wanted to tell you, she may have a 5 mile walk at the other end of the bus journey, he may be unwell, there may be a perfectly valid reason that they didn't want to discuss.

[Triggles]

fazsaeed - I think you're missing the point. You would have no idea just by looking at a child whether or not they have SNs. And asking the parent is just plain rude. So it's best to assume that if they are in a pushchair at that age, there is most likely an appropriate reason for it.

So really, which is worse... the parent who is "perceived" as lazy... or the other person who has clearly shown that they are rude?

[fazsaeed]

triggles I do see your point. I'm just trying to see the persons point of view who asked if the child has sn....
Ive been asked many times why my ds is so small, I just say he's ill rather than going into detail or not saying anything so they don't think that it's me not feeding him.
Its one of them. I just stay quite grin and bear it on a bus and others speak up...

[hazeyjane]

Just seen this, goodness I would be floored if a stranger came up to me and asked if my dc had sn! Someone in the lift the other day looked straight at ds and said - 'what's wrong with him then'. Before I went into the toilet for a cry, I said, 'nothing, he's perfect'. He has got sn, but why I should go through the ins and outs of his medical history with a rude stranger, gawd knows.

I used to get comments about dd2(nt) being in a buggy at the age of 4, but tbh if any one of the people making the comments would have liked to deal with her in the middle of the road having a meltdown, they would be more than welcome!

[Triggles]

I can see her point alright - she's rude. She asked if the child had SNs purely to allow her to make the judgement that he didn't have the right to be in a pushchair on the bus. And it's not her call. It certainly doesn't make her right.

We get asked many times, some polite from people who are curious, some nasty or rude or making judgements. I don't feel obligated to discuss my son's medical history with people I don't know. I can't say I really care what they think of me. I have enough to deal with already without worrying about that.

[MockTheGeek]

I had my NT five year old in a sling yesterday. We'd had a lot of busy days, one very long walk, and I'd underestimated how tired she was. We had a long way still to go to get home, she was in tears, flushed and suddenly exhausted on an unseasonably hot day. I agree it wasn't necessary to put her in a sling, I could have cajoled her home and made everyone miserable, or taken her for a sit down and a snack or something - but I had a sling with me, it wasn't being used, and we were both happy enough for her to have a ride. It was a relaxing walk back, she went to sleep and stayed asleep for 2 hours, in the middle of the day. AIBU?

Sometimes things aren't always needed, but they are useful, or easier, and that's not always a bad or lazy option - sometimes it's the eminently sensible one. Children do not always have boundless energy and it doesn't always mean SN if they don't.

I think everyone should have folded their prams, because if you take one on a us you must be prepared to fold it and it saves arguments like this - as would have a sling, because the difference is a sling will inconvenience nobody but allow you much greater freedom and less blood pressure raising issues like this one.

[AwkwardMary]

Yes Mock YABU and pandering and cosseting a capable 5 year old is silly. ...and how on earth is carrying a 5 year old in a sling relaxing??? Your backbone must be made of iron.

[MockTheGeek]

Well call it what you will, I don't understand why would you refuse a child a sit down after walking/running miles, when they are visibly tired and upset. It is no strain, we were quite comfy, I am used to carrying. The nearly 2 year old walked the whole way, as I expected the older one to as well, but for whatever reason she found it too much at that point. I don't see how a miserable return journey would have benefited anyone. It was supposed to be a walk for pleasure, not a stressful event involving dragging an upset child home at half the normal pace, with another tottering behind. Which I have done many a time - I much prefered yesterday's sunny and peaceful walk, with everyone happy. We did need to be home for the roast after all (which she slept through, she clearly not on a wind-up).

[hazeyjane]

Our near 5 and 6 yr old dds get to ride on shoulders when tired, no different to carrying in a sling - I don't see why it is a big deal.

[oldnewmummy]

I have been known to push my sleeping 5 year old around the supermarket in his buggy. Since I have no desire to incur $20000 on a third hernia operation this works for me, and I couldn't give a toss what anybody else thinks.

[CardyMow]

Giraffes - . TBH, it would be nice if there was any fat for him to 'burn off' with his wheezing - despite the heavy duty steroids that have been poured into his system since he was just 7mo (he had been on life support 3 times for severe asthma attacks that nearly killed him, and left him so oxygen deprived that he was left with development delay by that point...), he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him, and 99% of the time, he hovers 'just' in the healthy weight range, on the borderline of underweight.

So I'm SURE that he isn't going to get 'obese' by sitting in his Mac Major when he needs it.

So, fazsaeed, I think I am best placed to decide whether my DS, or my DD for that matter, NEEDS to stay in their Mac Major. And I won't be bloody justifying MY decision to anyone else. If they don't want to fold their pram, they can always get off and wait for the next bus. Just like I have had to when there have been two PRAMS on the bus who refuse to fold down for a Mac Major Picture here, that is, in essence, a YOUNG CHILDREN'S WHEELCHAIR. As is a Swifty Picture here. Or the Fold Away Spring Picture Here.

And there are plenty of other SPECIAL NEEDS pushchairs, that may closely resemble standard pushchairs, that a lot of people who don't have to think about these things on a daily basis might not SEE as a wheelchair, when they are. There is now a campaign going to raise awareness of this issue: Here, Stand Up 4 (Special Needs) Wheels

They are still given out by the WHEELCHAIR service. They are WHEELCHAIRS. And should be treated as such. And those that just miss out on getting these funded may not have yet saved up the funds to buy one of these, and therefore may still be using a standard pushchair.

[TheBigJessie]

Well, whaddya know...

I just checked the OP's link to a "stick pram" at the beginning of the thread, and she's linked to a simple fold-up stroller. You know, the kind that are very similar to Maclaren Majors, except smaller.

I think the possibility that the pushchair was actually a Maclaren Major with a disabled child in it is a non-zero probability.

[tallwivglasses]

Somehow I don't think OP will come back to tell us...

[Archemedes]

Can't believe you actually asked if she has SN the height of rudeness.

[Mimishimi]

I still take my five year old out in the jogging stroller. He has to keep his feet up on the footrest but fits otherwise. DH is working overseas at the moment and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone with DD (11) if I want to go out for a jog. I would never take him on a bus in a stroller though.

[Rachtoteach]

YABU.

Hopefully the mother of the child in the pushchair was being sarcastic when she replied 'No, he has a cough'. If my DS or DD (7, 5) were really poorly or had, say, a sprained ankle, I would certainly go and dig out the pushchair from the garage rather than make them walk to the docs. People are so quick to judge and so quick to jump to conclusions.

[Mrbojangles1]

TheBigJessie NO it was not a mc claran Major special needs wheel chair unless of course it comes with CARS 2 logo plaster all over it

The women just had a big boy in a pram their are lots of apologists but she just had a big boy who should have been stitching on a seat

1. If he was so I'll he couldn't walk she should of took a cab
   

1. If a child is so big their feet is dragging on the floor their to big for the pram
   

And as none of you were their I am bemused you seek to the me it defintaly was a special needs chair


We have quite a few poster who said they have first hand experince of family members who use prams for children 6,7 years old which do not have a disabilty and are just being lazy



I don't care of people want to cart their 10 year olds round just when somone one with a real baby gets on fold it the frigg up and get your child to a seat


Always makes me laugh when people are so adamnet that no one on the ul is just being lazy when their are people with first hand experince sadly this includes me know


The lady clearly stated her child WAS not disabled and said he was in the pram because he had a cough

I asked because I didn't want to get cross with somone who actally needed their child to be in a pram

I would ask again and next time will I will be saying somthing at 6 a child should not be in a parm unless sn if they don't have sn they are going to get a cussing