AIBU to think a 6 year old should not still be in a pram if they haven't got SN

[Mrbojangles1]

On a bus today with my newborn then a lady with a pram and a toddler who her oh was holding got on, i asked if she could fold it down so others could get on as he oh was sitting with the child at the back i was blanked.

Then another lady got on with a stick pram the child looked rather large to be in a pram so i asked how old the little boy was she said 6 i then asked if he had sn she laughed and oh no he is not disabled he has a cough .

then i was asked by the driver to put MY PRAM DOWN GURRRRRRR AS THEIR WERE now 3 parms on the bus

IF YOUR CHILD IS 6 AND HAS NO SPEICAL NEEDS AIBU TO THINK THEY SHOULD BE BLOODY WALKING not in a sodding stick pram were their feet are dragging on the floor because their to jeffing big for it

Yanbu at being aggrieved at being the one to fold down pram. But I would have done what someone else suggested, just refused, pointed out to the driver you were first on, with a newborn, and there was an empty pram unoccupied by toddler, sat firm until blanking woman did the needful.

Well actually is your newborn your first? In the early haze, I probably wouldn't have been able to think so clearly and it would have taken me several hours to think hey! Wait a minute! I was in the right there!!

Asking re sn is dodgy as I think you will have realised by now. I think you needed to take issue with toddler empty pram lady, and driver, rather than 6 year old lady.

My DD is 3.1 and is SN. She attends weekly developmental appointments; we always take the bus home.Yesterday, it was a different type of bus than normal; much less aisle room than a typical bus and really only space for one pushchair or wheelchair. There was another mum already on the bus with a young toddler, maybe about 18 months I would think.
I am sure the other mum was surprised when she saw my DD in a pushchair. She is very tall, looks older than her age, and she is outgrowing her Quinny Zapp. Her SNs are invisible. But her expressive and receptive language, communication and listening skills are very delayed. She has no sense of danger and can run like the wind. If I am with her on my own, for short distances I use reins; but for longer trips, she needs to be in her pushchair so that she is safe.
The other mum was very nice; she moved her pushchair as much as she could. Unfortunately, there was still not enough room, so I had to fold down mine, and had a pretty tense journey trying to keep DD clamped beside me. The other mum got off before I did which thankfully gave me time to get DD back into her pushchair before we got off the bus.Otherwise, it would have been very difficult to hold onto her and put her pushchair back up (needs two hands) in the middle of a busy bus station.
If someone on the bus yesterday had asked me if DD has SN, or to justify why she is still in a pushchair, I know I would have started to cry. I haven't reached the stage yet where I feel comfortable discussing DD's condition with people I know well, let alone strangers on the bus. OP - I think you should have asked the lady with the empty pushchair to fold hers.

I don't think OP was rude to ask politely about SN.
A stick pram is the weirdest thing I've ever heard a stroller/pushchair called.
Sounds like everyone on the bus should have folded their buggies down. Otherwise up to other folk if they want to use them, don't comment unless you're asked to push it.

So glad I no longer have to take the bus if there's a standoff with other mums all thinking it is their god-given right to leave their prams up every time you have to use one!

FWIW, I think you were very rude to ask about child's SN.

[ouch] pedants corner ...

Marchduck thanks for your post and I hope the OP and others read it. It illuminates why asking if a child has SN is a bad idea more than any of my ranting would.

All the best to you and your DD.

I would have put the baby down in the empty pram to rest my arms. I bet the woman wouldn't have blanked you then.

Actually, if I was getting on with my dd, who is in a wheelchair and there was a 6yo in a buggy I would ask if there was a reason the buggy could not be folded so we could use the wheelchair space.
It used to be I would assume a 6 yo in a bugy had SN but nowadays with the sheer laziness of people I cant. If the child doesnt have SN then they can sit on a bloody seat.

Wilson - Thank you for your kind words. Normally I am very level headed and calm. The reality of DD's situation is becoming more clear ; her lovely OT started to talk to me yesterday about practicalities, such as considering a SN pushchair! I think that is why I would have cried if anyone had questioned me about her being SN when we were on the bus yesterday.

Thought for a second I had been spotted! Had my 6 1/2 year old in the pram this week, and my two year old in the ergo baby with the 4 year old walking! My eldest was sick and we don't have a car. Figured out pretty quick a taxi is my best option for these scenarios- esp. When 6 year old started vomiting :-/ (fortunately not on the bus). I would have been horrified had I been asked it my child had SN, or to fold it up.

I'm sorry, by that reasoning because you feel that others are lazy, that gives you the right to ask personal questions of someone who has a child in a pushchair?

So I guess that means since some people are nosy and judgemental shits, we can just assume everyone is?? Well, that makes my response easier to someone who asks about DS2.

I have a child with sn and to be honest if somebody so bluntly asked me if he had sn or why he was in a buggy I would tell them to fuck off and mind their own business

I'm going to ask a question here and hopefully not get flamed.

OK, I can appreciate the way the OP asked was rude.
But when I watch TV shows where a parent has a child with a medical condition whether visible or invisible, they all seem to say :
"Please don't stare , ASK "

My DD who is 9 yo and a very kind, gentle child went to help a little boy. She looked at his face and saw he had Downs Syndrome -it was his eyes she noticed mainly.

She said to me "Mum...?" questioning me ,but not sure what to say (she told me later she had never seen a child with Downs Syndrome)

The boys mum smiled and gently explained to her.
Now I appreciate my DD was helping and didn't ask rudely. But I'm thinking I wouldn't ask anything, scared to offend.

Well, there's 9 yo girls asking questions because they're interested, and there's women on buses demanding to know whether your child has a perceived right to be in a buggy because they want your space. I might take it differently myself TBH.

Look, I have sympathy. It's a faff. The woman with empty pushchair definitely should have put hers down. But asking about SN, in this situation, is not on.

Can't be bothered to read the whole thread, but you genuinely asked a mother if her child had special needs, in order that you could judge whether her child was justified in using a pushchair? (no idea what a stick pram is, do you mean a pushchair?)

i would be horrified that either a grown up or a 9 yr old would have such bad manners to ask about sn, rude beyond belief

I've only read half the thread. I sympathise with you, and I would have been upset with the woman who had an empty pushchair. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask about the circumstances of the older child, so I can't comment on whether you were right or wrong to ask if he had special needs, but you do NOT sound like a nightmare to me, and I don't deduce from your OP that you are controlling at all.

I'm sorry I'm not much help, but I wanted to give you my support somehow.

Blimey, MrBo

I honestly thought you were a wind up - but I see you're on many threads - ones where it's clear you empathise with vulnerable children.

I don't get this at all.

70 there is a world of difference between a 9 yo who 'sees' something for the first time and a woman on a bus demanding to know if your DC has SN so she can avoid folding her pushchair up. A kind enquiry or (even better) offer of help will never be taken the wrong way but 'has your kid got SN cos I don't want to fold up my buggy' definitely will be...

You were very rude to ask if her dc had SN. If a 6 year old was ill, they mightn't be able to walk far. Taking a buggy on a bus is a hassle, so I doubt anyone would take a 6 year old in a buggy on the bus for no reason.

You asked her how old her son was and whether he had special needs????????

You are either a big exaggerating loon or a big rude loon.

YABU. I once took my poorly 6 year old ds to the docs in his sisters pushchair as he was too weak to walk. I had nasty comments off some sourfaced cow. She will (hopefully) think before speaking next time as I (in my harassed, grumpy and sleepless state) gave her what for. You will never know truly what is happening in someones life with the tiny snapshot you witness.

If I was on the bus with a newborn FIRST before the woman and her six year old got on, there would be no way I would move for her unless she gave me a reason (the child having SN or really ill or whatever).

If she stood and looked at me and allowed me to struggle with folding the pushchair and holding the newborn, then I think it would be only natural to ask her if there was a reason why her 6 year old child (who on most threads it is agreed should stand so any able bodied adult can sit down) needed the space.

Even if this is a troll thread, in a hypothetical situation, the OP would be the last person who should have folded her pushchair. I don't understand why everyone thinks she was being rude. Yes the first woman with the empty buggy was out of order and as I said I would have refused to move if I was the op, but the woman with the 6 year old was rude to offer no explanation at all.

The OP probably thought she was doing the right thing because as somebody said up thread, we should never presume but always ask about SN.

when my charge is wheezey and breathless with asthma I put her in pram if we want fresh air - having brittle asthma myself I am very sympathetic to it. She is nearly 5 and looks older.

Her having a cold can make her very wheezey. So I may say "oh she has a cold" but actually she is wheezey and breathless.

I always think the people who get most judgy over prams are the ones who don't have cars - would think nothing of driving with sick child in car!

OP. You would have got short shrift from me. Sometimes I have 8yo DS2 in a pushchair Mac Major, when his asthma is too bad for him to walk when we are on the school run, and I have to get DS1 to school. I get on a bus. If anyone asked me if he had any SN's, I would tell them to fuck off and mind their own business, TBH.

I ALSO sometimes have 14yo DD in the mac major, if she has had a seizure and can't be left at home while I do the school run. Again, if you asked me whether she has SN, I would tell you to fuck off and mind your own business.

It is none of your's, or anyone else's business WHY my DC occasionally need to go on the bus in a buggy, and I wouldn't be telling ANYONE. I don't need to justify the fact that I use a buggy for them when they need it to ANYONE in RL. In fact, I might just be VERY sarcastic to you, as I am assuming this parent was.

WHY in the name of hell would you have a 6yo in a pushchair UNLESS YOU NEEDED TO. By the very definition, if you need to transport a 6yo in a pram, then there MUST be issues there - because an NT 6yo just WOULDN'T go in a pushchair!!!

In the situation you were in, I would have asked the lady with the EMPTY pram to fold down. If she ignored me, I would then tell her that if she didn't fold her pushchair, then I would fold it for her. And I bloody well would!!! (And HAVE done in the past.). Problem solved.

IMO, if you weren't willing to do that, then you should have just waited for the next flipping bus. Anyway - what would you have done had a wheelchair wanted to get on? Or a person with a Mac Major? Would YOU have folded? Or would you have got off? Those are the ONLY two acceptable options. Those spaces are for WHEELCHAIRS first and foremost. Using them for prams is a luxury that is only allowable IF no-one in a wheelchair wishes to board the bus, in which case, THEY take priority for that space even if there is a pushchair there already.