Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DN's Christening so DD can go to a party?

124 replies

reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:05

Dsis is having DN Christened on the same day that DD has been invited to a party at a soft play. Aibu for wanting DD to go to the party?

I want to help her forge some friendships with the other preschoolers as she is leaving the village preschool soon as she only has a temporary place there.

Ideally I would like to miss the christening myself but I understand that would ruffle some feathers. DP could take her and we could all make the gathering afterwards.

We aren`t religious so Im not sure how this would be viewed.

DD is three by the way.

OP posts:
MandyT68 · 08/03/2012 22:05

Yes because the wedding was about the whole family, not just my sister.

CurrySpice · 08/03/2012 22:10

I said if you told her

And it's definitely best you don't because she would cross the street to avoid you imho

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 22:12

True Mandy. What a shame to miss your best friend's wedding. You shouls have tried to get your sister to reschedule hers Wink

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 08/03/2012 22:25

I think you are being bonkers to even consider this, you dont want your daughter going to a family do for a soft play party , her cousin day , I think thats a slap in the face to your sister , and your dd is in preschool friendships are not forged over soft play , its up to you but you are being selfish about this ,

exoticfruits · 08/03/2012 22:26

I would put the christening first-you can do other things to forge friendships.

2rebecca · 08/03/2012 22:27

This particular child's 3rd birthday party is also a once in a lifetime event so I don't think that remark is helpful. Many events are once in a lifetime.
I don't choose which events I go to by their rareity.
I have not gone to family Christenings so don't think they are that big a deal, to me a family wedding or funeral is more important. A Christening is really a profession of religious faith. I will go if it's nearby but wouldn't travel for 8 hours in the car for one. This doesn't mean I love that child or their parents any less than the kids whose christenings I have attended.
This one sounds nearby and convenient so i would go, but then i like family parties. My kids aged 3 would have rather gone to a family party than a small kid birthday party as well. Now as teenagers they would vote with their feet and go to the birthday party and are also strident atheists.

vincettenoir · 08/03/2012 22:35

I dont understand why people who arnt religious have christenings. Don't they realise they can have a party without the pretending? But all the same I consider it should still take precedence over a kids party.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 22:36

CurrySpice - really? You would cross the road to avoid me because I would dare to send my dd to your dds party instead of making her sit still in church? You really would be getting your knickers in a twist on behalf of my sister! But I am sure she would appreciate your loyalty Hmm

We would all be going to the party but Dd might miss the ceremony so it would still be a family occasion.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 08/03/2012 22:52

Well maybe a bit of AIBU poetic licence Wink

But I would think it a bit, I dunno, I can't think of the word. Intense maybe

I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist on your sisters behalf. In fact I wouldn't be getting them in a twist at all. But I would think it a bit odd that you'd forsaken a family do for my 3 YO's party

In reality I'd roll my eyes and get on with toddler wrangling enjoying the party and wishing the soft play place had a bar

iscream · 09/03/2012 04:30

I think if it were me, (I am non religious, did not baptize my kids) that I would go to the Christening. Family milestones come before a soft play party. Sometimes we do things for family that we don't really want to do.

cory · 09/03/2012 08:17

I think it is silly to miss an opportunity to tie your dd closer to the extended family that she will always have, in order to attend a party with friends whose names she probably won't remember in 5 years' time.

My dcs are now at secondary school: they had lovely friends at infants, but all those friends have now grown away from each other. Otoh the relationship they have with their cousins has stayed with them and being together on big family occasions - and being expected to put up with a certain amount of inconvenience for family- is a big part of that.

exoticfruits · 09/03/2012 08:40

I agree cory-lots of chances for parties in the future. If you are worried about bonding invite some DC around to tea. Being part of a family is far more important.

porcamiseria · 09/03/2012 08:42

you are seriously putting softplay before momentous family event? swet jesus

ParsleyTheLioness · 09/03/2012 08:47

OP. you have asked MN if they think you are being unreasonable. Four pages of people are saying, Yes You Are Being Unreasonable, and you keep saying But I'm not Really Being Unreasonable! How many more pages of this do you need, or would 20 pages still leave you thinking you are right? YABU btw..

CurrySpice · 09/03/2012 09:00

Parsley I agree. I sometimes wonder why people start an aibu thread when they are quite patently right!!

FantasticDay · 09/03/2012 09:22

YABU. There will be loads and loads of soft play invitations. We have been to two this week. Btw, my kids (who have not been baptised - though we did have naming ceremonies) have been to two baptisms, of children of work friends - not family, and were incredibly interested. Talked about it for weeks afterwards.

TroublesomeEx · 09/03/2012 09:47

OP, it's been said already, but I think the Christening trumps a soft play party.

Your DD is 3 so won't make any friendships at one birthday party that couldn't be made elsewhere. When she starts school she will be so inundated with soft play party requests that you'd jump at the chance to attend a Christening instead. Your DN will only get Christened once.

I'm not religious and don't really get non-religious people having them, but your sister wants it, and she has invited you.

You say it wouldn't damage your relationship with your sister because you are so close and the relationship is so strong. But you're expecting her to understand why you'd choose a soft play party over her daughters christening when you don't understand why you should put the christening over the party.

Your DD will enjoy the christening and, if you take the religious aspect out of it for yourself and see it is an important part of welcoming the new baby into the family, then it will reinforce your own child's sense of who she is, how she fits into this big old world and how these people are all connected to each other. Of where she belongs. It will strengthen bonds and children at this age are very visual/kinasthetic. Being in a room and experiencing the sense of 'family' will be more meaningful than just telling her.

Throughout primary school, there is a huge emphasis on a sense of belonging throughout RE, and not belonging in a religious sense.

In fact, the reasons you want her to go to the party are the very reasons she should be going to the christening instead. IMO of course Wink!

Original poster
reddaisy · 09/03/2012 09:47

A few more Yanbu would have been nice! But I have taken on board that the majority thing IABU so the thread was not in vein!

I am going to talk to mum and dad about it and take a steer from them before this thread I was going to let Dd go and just tell them but I wont do it if it ruffles feathers but I am still personally not convinced that it matters that a 3 year old attends the ceremony as long as I do and we are all at the party afterwards.

OP posts:
Goawaybob · 09/03/2012 10:11

YADNBU Your DD is three, she'll be bored to tears in the christening, she may well play up and you;ll have to tke her outside, let your DP take her to the party, you must go to your DNs christening though. You can just say "result, DD has been invited to a party so at least i can concetrate on you at the ceremony and not have to worry about DD getting fractious" Sorted, cant believe anyone thinks this is unreasonable

stoatie · 09/03/2012 10:31

When my son was being Christened my MILs husband decided not to come as he wanted to go to another event (that he could have gone to on another day). For the record DHs parents divorced and both remarried before we met therefore the children have three sets of grandparents so this was his "grandad" who chose not to come. My MIL was very upset about this - and as such we never really mentioned him not being there ever again as I didn't want to upset my MIL. The children have a great relationship with their grandad BUT we (DH and I ) have never forgotten that he chose not to come - and DS - several years later when looking at photos of his christening, did ask where grandad was......

mojitomania · 09/03/2012 10:32

A family Christening is far more important than a play date party.

FilterCoffee · 09/03/2012 10:45

"she'll be bored to tears in the christening"

It just depends on the church though. Some places are quite happy for the children to wander around and come to the front so they can see what's going on. Churches vary such a lot.

Original poster
reddaisy · 09/03/2012 10:58

This church isnt like that it is very formal.

OP posts:
CornflowerB · 09/03/2012 11:01

I take it this is your first child, otherwise you would know that preschoolers do not 'forge friendships'. There will be many, many of these invitations over the next few years and you will be sick to death of them.
It doesn't matter whether you are religious or not (not about you, is it?), it's a family event and your sister has invited you and you should be there. I have a religious event coming up for one of my children and my brother (her godfather) is not coming. No reason given. We're not a particuarly religious family but it is an important family event to me and he just doesn't care. This is very hurtful. Don't hurt your sister for one of many endless tedious softplay parties.

Goawaybob · 09/03/2012 11:13

I cannot believe this thread. I am a catholic, i had my DD christened, it was a lovely ceremony but very formal and quite possibly a bit overwhelming for a three year old. I would be absolutely fine if people had said, you know what, Im going to get DP to take DD to a party as she might be bored and therefore disruptive, great, its about MY DD getting christened anyway. Churches are quite imposing places when you are three, in fact i remember tking DD along to a friend of DP's childs christening and had to wait outside because DD refused to go in. It was a fairly old church and DD just rooted herself and refused to go in. WHY would you want a three year old at a christening anyway.

Also, unless you are particularly religeous its is more of a family event so the fact that she will be at the gathering afterwards is really what matters.

Let her enjoy the party, concentrate on your sister and have a lovely time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread