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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DN's Christening so DD can go to a party?

124 replies

reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:05

Dsis is having DN Christened on the same day that DD has been invited to a party at a soft play. Aibu for wanting DD to go to the party?

I want to help her forge some friendships with the other preschoolers as she is leaving the village preschool soon as she only has a temporary place there.

Ideally I would like to miss the christening myself but I understand that would ruffle some feathers. DP could take her and we could all make the gathering afterwards.

We aren`t religious so Im not sure how this would be viewed.

DD is three by the way.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:29

That is something we can agree on McHappy. We would just be liking different posts.

DP thinks Aibu too but he says he will go with whatever my Dsis and I decide.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:29

Oh right sorry...you are going?

Then talk to your sister about the rest of it.

McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 21:30

I got dedicated to the salvation army and all i have to do is look at the photos of that day to know who was there

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 08/03/2012 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:32

Worra - I am going it is dd and dp who might not. I am a bit baffled by why it would be so important tbh because I personally would not get my children christened.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 08/03/2012 21:34

I think your original post was misleading as it says "AIBU to not go to DN's christening so DD can go to a party"
Had your post said "AIBU if I attend my niece's christening and my husband takes my daughter to a party" people wouldn't have got so confused.
In the first line you did say that you and your daughter weren't going. The title of a thread is important. Screw that up and you screw up the thread.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:36

Worra I think my thread title confused things a bit but my Op explained it further.

McHappy , it sounds like your faith is important to you but I think most people dont know much about their christening day. My mum doesnt even know which one of me and my sibs have got which set of godparents.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:40

It doesn't take much to confuse me to be fair Grin

But seriously, talk to your Sister.

If you two are close then I'm sure she won't mind just you being at the Christening ceremony and the other two joining you for the party.

However, I wouldn't mention the bit about being baffled etc...because she might think you're being a bit judgy.

Personally, I don't understand all these Christenings either where the parents aren't religious, but hey ho it's up to them.

McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 21:40

my faith is not important to me, Family are.

that goes from my youngest Dnephew aged 14 months to my Dniece who is 14.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:41

Xpost Rebecca and duly noted. Maybe my thread title tells us how I really feel about going!

I love my sister very much and I will run it by her as I genuinely didnt know if Aibu or not as I dont want to look like I dont care about Dn as I do of course, just not about her christening!

OP posts:
Destrier · 08/03/2012 21:43

I would rather go to the party. The baby won't remember a thing about the christening and they are boring (I am an athiest, so biased). My ds would remember parties etc. You can see your niece anytime...

Destrier · 08/03/2012 21:44

Your sister is also a grown-up. She would get over it... Grin

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:46

Good advice Worra. But they know how I feel about christenings already as I explained our views on it when Dd was born when I was asked if we were going to get her christened.

But I have at least been wise enough not to repeat them 3years later.

Am I at least allowed to mnet at the back of the church Grin you have got to allow me that!

OP posts:
MandyT68 · 08/03/2012 21:46

I missed my best friend in the whole world's wedding for my sister's. My sister no longer speaks to me and has always been pretty foul but family, in my opinion, is more important and there was no argument from my friend who understood this. Why not tell the party giver that you have to go to a christening but that you will arrange a time for your children to get together as compensation.

HuwEdwards · 08/03/2012 21:46

Do you have to mention the party to your sis? If you could just say DP's taking her to soft play to wear her out, that might be ok

CurrySpice · 08/03/2012 21:47

If I were the mother holding the party and you told me you were missing your own niece's christening to attend, I would back away with this expression on my face Shock

YABVU

Your DD will have thousands of invites over the years. This is a family occasion and much more important

And this comes from a confirmed (!!) atheist!!

McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 21:47

well good luck what you decide.

Anthoer point, if i turned up at a family event without DH everyone would be wondering if there was problem in my marriagel ol

QuintessentialyHollow · 08/03/2012 21:50

Well, take faith in the fact that neither of you have any, so the trespass of avoidance will most likely soon be forgiven!

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:51

Oh yes, MNet from the back of the church!

And then we'd like to know every detail of the buffet at the party...so we can hoike our judgy pants up Grin

PrincessWellington · 08/03/2012 21:52

You sound exactly like a person I know who has a sister she is jealous of. Forgetting the fact it is a christening, it is a party for your niece. So, if you don't want to take your 3 yo to the church, explain that to your sister but don't tell her about the party. Just say you will meet up with them after so you can concentrate on the ceremony as dc was difficult at wedding and you don't want to detract from your niece. No need to mention the party.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:57

McHappy he would be coming later so they would at least know we had made up! But Dp said he is concerned that it might look like he is the one who doesnt want to go and we have used the party as a ruse so for that reason to ensure family harmony we might all have to go. I might talk to my mum first and see what she thinks.

Mandy - would you make the same choice again?

Huw - dd would tell everyone it was a party so we wouldnt get away with any white lies.

Curry - I wouldnt tell the party giver!

OP posts:
GavisconJunkie · 08/03/2012 22:01

YABU I party at wordplay does not a friendship forge. Especially at 3. I think flood is thicker than water here.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 22:03

Princess I can guarantee you that I am not jealous of my sister in any way and she isnt of me. We are very different but very close I will concede that it does look selfish for Dd not to go but we are all a bit selfish sometimes and I assure you that id this would upset her then I wont do it.

I will talk to mum and see what she says and I think she will tell me to err on the side of caution.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 22:05

Sorry about the appalling grammar tonight, the keys on my phone are so fiddly.

OP posts:
FilterCoffee · 08/03/2012 22:05

YABU. A Christening is a once-in-a-lifetime event and it's a special one-off family occasion.

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