Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DN's Christening so DD can go to a party?

124 replies

reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:05

Dsis is having DN Christened on the same day that DD has been invited to a party at a soft play. Aibu for wanting DD to go to the party?

I want to help her forge some friendships with the other preschoolers as she is leaving the village preschool soon as she only has a temporary place there.

Ideally I would like to miss the christening myself but I understand that would ruffle some feathers. DP could take her and we could all make the gathering afterwards.

We aren`t religious so Im not sure how this would be viewed.

DD is three by the way.

OP posts:
Clownsarescary · 08/03/2012 20:37

YABU!

BoattoBolivia · 08/03/2012 20:38

Actually, I am going to disagree with you all here. The op has said she would go to the Christening and dp and dd would join them afterwards. Dd is 3- having just been to a Christening with my ds, nearly 2, who I had to take out after 10 minutes as he wanted to run up and down the aisle, I cannot see why a 3 year old missing the ceremony would be an issue. If she comes along afterwards, there will be time for family photos etc.
Probably best to talk to your sister, but I wouldn't have a problem.

Spookey80 · 08/03/2012 20:38

Yabu- but up to you, of course.

scurryfunge · 08/03/2012 20:40

I think people like to see children at family gatherings ( except at some weddings going by some of the threads!). You may be able to get away with it if your sister really doesnt mind.

Bue · 08/03/2012 20:43

I'm with Boatto here - it sounds as if the OP is going regardless. I think that's really all that matters. No one is going to be bothered by her DD's appearance at the service, surely? If she comes to the party afterwards I'm sure that would be sufficient.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:43

Boatto - thank you! DD talked through their wedding ceremony and I certainly didnt enjoy it between trying to ssh her and keep her still!

As an aside do people still get their children christenend these days? This is only our second invite to one and we didnt even consider going to the first one Shock

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 20:43

yabu, i would be livid.

Also when DN see the photo in years to come would you want to hurt her and say you went to another child party over hers

HuwEdwards · 08/03/2012 20:44

"Ideally I would like to miss the christening myself "

Why?

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:54

Oh come on McHappyPants cheer up as if my baby niece is going to give a fuck who was at her christening!

Huw - without wanting to start a religious debate I would rather not attend because I dont agree with Christenings, particularly when no-one in our family is religious. And I find attending church to be a massive chore. Of course I understand that I should go and support my sister but Im still not sure Dd should miss out.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 08/03/2012 20:56

3 year olds won't make friendships at a soft play area anyway. at that age they mainly play alongside each other rather than with each other.
If it was dragging a teenager who played a sport for their school away from an important match they were a key player in I'd have more sympathy, but not a little kid party with kids they don't know anyway.
She'll make friends when she starts school, and fall out with them every other week and then make new ones.
I've missed family Christenings, but that was because they were held 500 miles away and we both work.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 20:57

In my OP I clearly say I would go and DP could take Dd.

Is now a bad time to mention that I was going to suggest he took baby Ds as well so I could have some peace? Grin

OP posts:
SoozyWoozy · 08/03/2012 20:59

YABU. She will have plenty of parties to go to once in her pre-school. Or maybe you could do a 'welcome' party.

DN will only have one christening.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:03

True Rebecca. Initially I was going to take her and attempt to swap numbers with the other mums as it is all so rushed and forced at drop offs and pick ups so that I could attempt to arrange some meet ups in the future when Dd has left this pre-school which is the feeder one for her primary.

So you are essentially saying that I should say she has got an important swimming gala instead? Wink

OP posts:
PrincessWellington · 08/03/2012 21:04

Yabu and sound a little jealous

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:05

She is at the feeder preschool now and is leaving at half term because she only had a temporary place there which is why this is the only social occasion she will be invited to before they start school next year iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:08

Jealous of what exactly? If anything Dd not being there would enable Dn to be in the limelight without a running commentary from an exuberant 3 year old.

OP posts:
peeriebear · 08/03/2012 21:14

YANBU. I am an atheist but went to my DNephew's christening for my (not religious either) brother. If I could have not taken my DD then I wouldn't- she found it very boring but enjoyed the party after. Just grit your teeth and go alone, let DD go to the soft play then if anyone asks where she is just say something like "I thought the focus should be on Dn rather than having a chatterbox in the church"
I LOL'd at "you sound a little jealous".. Of what?!

McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 21:15

well maybe not now, but in the future she maight.

i would put a family event before friends event any day

An0therName · 08/03/2012 21:18

I think you have to ask your sister - I would frame it you are worried about your DC disturbing things and emphasis that they would be coming to the party. In my exeperience religious people get their kids christenened -

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:22

YABU

Your child won't even remember the pre-school party or half of the kids who attended in a few years time.

Your Sister will always remember her baby's Christening.

Original poster
reddaisy · 08/03/2012 21:25

I bet 99 per cent of people on this board couldnt tell you who attended their christening.

But I generally agree that family comes first but I just cant understand why she would care.

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 08/03/2012 21:25

WorraLiberty wishes MN had a like button

halcyondays · 08/03/2012 21:26

Yanbu, as long as the op goes, that's the most important thing. She could say that she was worried that her dd wouldn't sit still, which might well be the case as she's only 3.

BoattoBolivia · 08/03/2012 21:27

GUYS!! THE OP'S DD WILL BE AT THE PARTY AFTERWARDS! THE OP WILL GO TO THE CHRISTENING! WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE CARE IF A 3 YEAR OLD SITS IN THE CHURCH FOR THE CEREMONY OR NOT?
If you are not religious, these things are very boring, doubly so if you are 3. I really do not understand why she is being flamed Confused

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 21:28

I bet 99 per cent of people on this board couldnt tell you who attended their christening

No, but I bet 100% could tell you whether their Sisters attended or not.

I'm kind of getting the feeling from your posts that you simply don't understand why a Christening would be a big deal for your Sister.

She may not be religious, but the fact she's organising the event proves it's important to her.