To wonder why MN has turned into such a bitch fest recently.

[Lucy88]

I have been coming on MN on and off for about 2 years and have always found it to be very useful for reading others advice and asking others for advice, reading reviews and getting holiday advice. There will always be times when people will disagree or not like other peoples advice, but I have been truly shocked recently at some of the posts I have read.

I am quite an outspoken person (in real life), but do try to adhere to the mantra of 'Don't put anything online that you would not be prepared to say to anyones face' but OMG even I have been surprised at the amount of bitchy, nasty responses some people have received on here recently.

I know that it is difficult when communicating just through the written word, as there is no body language or intonation to always give the correct message, but some posters really do think it is ok to be really nasty and make personal comments. Name calling seems to be the 'in thing' at the moment and I have to admit, that I just don't get it - not from grown women.

The majority of people who make these types of comments, probably wouldn't dare to say these things to people's faces, but think it is perfectly ok to do it online.

Can we at least have a week where we think about what we post and if we can't post anything constructive and polite, then perhaps don't post at all.

As usual I agree with usual

I agree with your definition of a troll, usual.

LeBOF - Agreed . Sometimes the dynamic in discussions is fantastic -hairy at times, but fantastic. Like in a family! But there's ill-intent as well and that's not so nice.

Maybe what marks a safe person from an unsafe person is a safe person can be wrong. An unsafe person can't. They start to froth! (off-spectrum frothing)

I don't like fluffy and I think pretty much everyone's got thick enough skin to bear a bit of banter. I suppose the question concerns the threshold of bullying. Doesn't that move around?

Bullying, I suppose, is persistent and aggressive posting targeted at one individual over multiple threads, to the point where the recipient feels they can't post without attracting that person's ire.

Maybe.

I don't know, really. I don't think it happens often on mumsnet.

Or, perhaps, a safe person can be certain for themselves, but allow others to be different without getting in a froth (getting back to 'respect').

Or the new MN definition of bullying, which is that it is when more than one poster who isn't new disagrees with you, even if they don't know each other

Anyway - food for thought for me. Now I'm off out.

Agree with this. Have noticed this clearly.

I think the thing that upsets me most, is when a group of posters who are very familiar with one another start to discuss one person, probably off board and then target the person either with a thread about them, or by incursion onto their threads, with comments that are clearly aimed at undermining that person's presence on the site.

I've seen that happen rather more than once and it really disturbs me. It's always so transparent, that some discussion is being had elsewhere and the person it concerns is totally innocent of the swell against them.

I'm sure it's inevitable on here, but it does make me very upset when I see it.
I suppose that's the nearest to bullying that I can think of.

I have never seen this Betty and I post a lot on here. I would be shocked by this. I have seen regular posters make jokes about another regular poster and thought newbies could misinterpret these as they don't know the background.

I mean there was a thread about hully, but that was a joke thread that hully herself posted on. I could see how someone might wrongly think it was malicious though

The jibes between regs are normal, though I know what you mean. It's all good natured.

I see you a lot but only remember your name appearing sometime last year, I might be totally wrong, but if you're relatively new you may not have noticed this type of thing yet.

It took me a good few years.

Have seen that once and it wasn't very nice

I know people off-board and I often chat to them on threads but I've never seen the 'piling on one poster' thing

Betty - yes I only registered last year. You are right that this behaviour is totally out of order and I am glad I haven't seen it

It's never nice.

It's always upsetting.

Well the strange thing is when it happens, it almost seems as though the people doing it really believe that the person deserves it, somehow...that they are pissing everyone off so badly that they have to be 'got rid of' or at least be in receipt of some bad feeling, because they are seen as having a negative effect on the atmosphere here.

I don't think it's done with any conscious knowledge that it's wrong, iyswim. Like a sort of backlash, but often, very often I would think that it's very much out of proportion to the original transgression, because there are so many people involved in hyping it up.

Like I said, inevitable. Just really sad.

No, I didn't mean that, TSC. Not at all. It's something else entirely. I've seen PMs that read pretty much like you describe.

Yes, there is definitely the attitude that the person on the receiving end deserves it.

Largely because they are weak; or too sensitive.

Have been accused if doing it before when wasn't, too

I think it's because doing the kicking is such fun, it just has to be justified.

*of

Sick, but true. I'm not approving of it!

Flash I think sometimes those qualities or similar are perceived unconsciously as a huge threat, by some people.

I think that's where it comes from, it's just fear. And anger.