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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a complete geek or is my SIL being U?

111 replies

Ruudiluca · 07/03/2012 20:42

Ok this is a bit embarrassing but I am a major fan of the Game of Thrones books by George RR Martin. I have all the books in the series in special edition, each book is about 30 quid a pop and they look like lovely old fashioned books. I am such a geek Blush .

My 17yo nephew has started getting into the series ans my Dbro and SIL were round for dinner and my nephew saw the books and asked to borrow one to read. I was a bit apprehensive because I had saved up loads of money to buy them. SIL promised that she would ensure he would look after it and I was put in a position where if I said no I would look tight.

Anyway my SIL returned the book last week and it was a state. The hardback cover was all bashed up and the were stains on the pages and the front page had been ripped. I told her I was pissed off and she promised to replace it, ok fine.

However when I received the replacement it was just a bog standard book shop paper back. I said that this was the wrong one to SIL but she started having a go at me saying I was being precious and it is still the same book just different form. I text my Dbro tonight and he has agreed to replace the edition that I had. SIL has rung me up screaming down the phone saying how Dbro has said he will take the money out of nephew's pocket money and that I need to say to Dbro that I have changed my mind.

AIBU to just let Dbro take it out of nephew's pocket money or should I just forget it?

OP posts:
DilysPrice · 07/03/2012 22:17

I am in no way precious about books, I like my paperbacks battered and indeed nibbled, I drive DH to distraction on the subject.

But even I would say YANBU on this one. YWBU to lend it in the first place but I get that you were pressured into it. 3 weeks pocket money is not that bad - if SIL feels like that she can cough up and he can pay her back at a couple of quid a week.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 07/03/2012 22:21

Wow, WTF did he do with it? And what does he do with books that he isn't taking special care of?! Hmm

DH is a bit of a book geek and complains I am brutal with them (I turn down corners to mark my place Shock) but I've never damaged one that badly!

Oh, except that lab guide that had some gloopy stuff explode over it. But that a complete accident, and hardly my fault at all...

fedupofnamechanging · 07/03/2012 22:31

17 is old enough to understand that if you borrow someone else's property, then you take really good care of it and return it in the condition you received it. It's good that your DB is going to make sure he learns this lesson. It is not your fault that your brother and sil are arguing - it's your sil's fault for thinking it's okay to not show respect for other people's things.

Don't feel bad about your nephew's pocket money - next time he borrows something, he will take better care of it.

Your sil sounds barking. I feel sorry for your brother.

Original poster
Ruudiluca · 08/03/2012 12:23

The shit has really hit the fan down this end. I was doing the school run this morning and was talking to DD's teaching assistant for a few moments and SIL (her youngest DS goes the same school) came charging up to me.

She said, "I want a word with you" quite aggressively. I told her I would need a few moments as was talking with someone else and was it urgent? She then replied, "What do you fucking think?" I was Shock, as it was in front of a member of staff, I dont think I have ever been so embarrassed.

Well I walked passed her at the gate (childish I know), got in my car and drove home. Since then I have been bombarded with texts from her about how me and my mother are trying to destroy her relationship with my dbro. Angry

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 08/03/2012 12:30

Oh wow she sounds deranged, i think she's managing to destroy her own relationship very well all by herself, i feel sorry for her children.

QuietTiger · 08/03/2012 12:36

Having read the whole thread, OP you are definitely NOT BU. but then I am super geek about my precious books and even DH has learned that they are so scared they even have their own room

You SIL sounds like a deranged fruit-loop, TBH. Stick to your guns.

LizzieMo · 08/03/2012 12:38

Did I miss the bit about your Mother? How is she now involved in this? Sorry for being thick. I think you are NBU , BTW.

skybluepearl · 08/03/2012 12:40

How are you trying to destroy the relationship between DB and her?

Can you text SIL and say that replacing book for a special edition one was only fair and that son is old enough to take responsibility for his actions. Maybe add that you are happy to have a calm adult discussion about things but will not discuss things if I am going to be sworn at infront of teachers!

lumpymash · 08/03/2012 12:48

Is SIL normally this much of a loon?

Don't respond to texts or let her drag you into an argument in the school yard!
If you're desperate just say "He borrowed it, he ruined it, I want it replaced. Properly, with exactly the same special edition."

Then run! Grin

Does your DBro know she's now started harrassing you over this? Would be a VERY long time before she'd be welcome in my life again.

Popoozle · 08/03/2012 12:48

It sounds like their are problems in your DB & SIL's relationship anyway and maybe the "book incident" has caused another argument?

Not your problem though I'm afraid. If you borrow something & ruin it you have to replace it with the same thing. Your SIL sounds horrible - if she is so adamant that your nephew should not be paying for the book then maybe she should order you the correct edition out of her own pocket? Either way, YANBU.

P.S. What's your mother got to do with it?

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 08/03/2012 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Popoozle · 08/03/2012 12:50

there are NOT their are. Sigh.

Clytaemnestra · 08/03/2012 12:51

Wow. She's lost it.

Bet your DBro is mortified.

heymammy · 08/03/2012 12:54

She's just ramping it up as she can tell that neither you nor DB are backing down Angry.

Seriously, ignore her ravings and stick to your guns, she's behaving like a toddler.

FWIW I would be livid in this situation, has DN even apologised for the state of the book?

Inertia · 08/03/2012 12:54

YANBU, your SIL sounds horrendous. It's no wonder that 17yo DN thinks it's acceptable to ruin other people's things if this is how she reacts to his mistakes /wrongdoings.

The only possible good thing to come from all this is that you have a cast-iron reason never to lend anything again.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/03/2012 13:11

"Since then I have been bombarded with texts from her about how me and my mother are trying to destroy her relationship with my dbro."
Well if she treats him as she treats you, there's really no effort required on your part, is there? And since she's now dragging your mother's name into her tantrum, she is clearly on her own little planet.

Original poster
Ruudiluca · 08/03/2012 13:34

Sorry I am not drip feeding or anything. My mum has nothing to do with this incident but my SIL can be very spiteful when she wants to be. She has always been like this, when she cant get her own way she throws a massive tantrum until she does.

The reason that she says my mum and I are trying to wreck her relationship is because she has acted this way before and me and mum have turned to my brother for the voice of reason.

She has always been like this and I am at the end of my tether. Another example of her behaviors was when I got married she threw a paddy because she wasn't bridesmaid like I had been for hers. Her answer to this was to "accidentally" spill red wine on my dbro's wedding suit (he was our best man) four days before our wedding, so we had no choice but to pay out again for a whole new suit jacket and shirt.

OP posts:
PopcornMouseInBoots · 08/03/2012 13:37

I'm with you squeaky - at 17 I had a job not pocketmoney!

tabulahrasa · 08/03/2012 13:42

You are so NBU

He borrowed something, wrecked it and tried to replace it with something cheaper...you can't just do that, if he didn't want to pay for a new one he should have looked after yours

And, your SIL is decidedly odd

Cherriesarelovely · 08/03/2012 13:48

It makes me really cross OP that your SIL is not letting her son sort this out. It is exactly the sort of thing that my SIL does with one of my DN when he behaves badly, she speaks for him and will not allow him to face consequences. Anyway, you are definitely being reasonable. I think there are a variety of options but I think that you ought to approach your DN about them bearing in mind that he is "nearly an adult" as your DH said.

You could ask him to pay you back in installments. OR

You could tell him that you will let it go but that you are very upset and disapointed in him and will not be lending him anything again.

Don't just back down though.

fatherchewylouis · 08/03/2012 13:54

WOW, your SIL is a genuine loony tune. What does your brother see in her? Has she always been like this?

thegreylady · 08/03/2012 13:54

Why not replace it yourself and tell your s-i-l it will serve as dn's next Christmas and birthday present-return the pb and tell him to keep it.He should have apologised to you himself and offered to help replace it.

garlicbutter · 08/03/2012 13:57

yanbu. Your SIL is a fruitcake.

MrsPotter · 08/03/2012 14:04

YANBU how else will he learn that he needs to respect other peoples property and not trash it, how was he unable to keep a book out of harms way?? I would want my original version back/ exact replacement.

MardyArsedMidlander · 08/03/2012 14:29

It just amazes me the amount of trouble people will cause rather than just say one word: 'sorry'. Instead of nasty texts, swearing at school and causing family feuds she could have just told Dn to say sorry and replace the book. Why is the (seemingly) easy way so hard???