Am I being a complete geek or is my SIL being U?

[Ruudiluca]

Ok this is a bit embarrassing but I am a major fan of the Game of Thrones books by George RR Martin. I have all the books in the series in special edition, each book is about 30 quid a pop and they look like lovely old fashioned books. I am such a geek .

My 17yo nephew has started getting into the series ans my Dbro and SIL were round for dinner and my nephew saw the books and asked to borrow one to read. I was a bit apprehensive because I had saved up loads of money to buy them. SIL promised that she would ensure he would look after it and I was put in a position where if I said no I would look tight.

Anyway my SIL returned the book last week and it was a state. The hardback cover was all bashed up and the were stains on the pages and the front page had been ripped. I told her I was pissed off and she promised to replace it, ok fine.

However when I received the replacement it was just a bog standard book shop paper back. I said that this was the wrong one to SIL but she started having a go at me saying I was being precious and it is still the same book just different form. I text my Dbro tonight and he has agreed to replace the edition that I had. SIL has rung me up screaming down the phone saying how Dbro has said he will take the money out of nephew's pocket money and that I need to say to Dbro that I have changed my mind.

AIBU to just let Dbro take it out of nephew's pocket money or should I just forget it?

'I lent you a diamond, you gave me back a cubic zirconia and you expect me to be happy?'

dont reply to the text.

God love that 17 year old and his future boy/girl friends. Basic lack of respect for others. And then Mummy picking up the pieces for him?

Stick to your guns here OP might be the best lesson he ever learns

Indeed children are starving in Africa, so why is she sending you arsy texts, she needs to sort her priorities tbh

YANBU your SIL is and idiot

Maddening, I am really not a confrontational person and when SIL gets going she really can go mental so I dont want to antagonize it.

Oh and YANBU

Text back and say you didn't know that dn donated all his pocketmoney to starving kids in Africa.

YRDNBU btw.

def don't reply, you need to continue to deal with dbro - not in a it's her or me way just that she is fucking irrational and your dbro sounds like he has some sense

£30? THIRTY POUNDS???! I was expecting something hand bound in fairy wings for that price. Maybe the picture doesn't do it justice... £30?!

Notwithstanding my shock, it's your choice and pefectly reasonable to spend what you want - so I also think your nephew should pay up, and your SIL should wind her neck in.

As for the children in Africa text... Waaaaaah! She has a screw loose!

If children are starving, perhaps the pocket money should be going to them.

YANBU, btw, shitty behaviour.

don't reply to text, but don't know how you are staying calm

YANBU

i would be livid

[geek who loves her books :) ]

YANBU. Your SIL had a row with your brother because she is a cow who doesn't appreciate this lesson your DN is getting in respecting other peoples' property.

If he had looked after it he wouldnt have had to pay for a replacement, so no YANBU, in thinking he should replace it, or maybe a SIL, could work aout a repayment pan where he pays back 2.50 a week or something, so that it not only takes longer (teaches a lesson for longer) but also teaches him that he must replace what he damaged!

"Replacing your beautiful hardback with a shitty paperback is like smashing someone's 50 inch LCD telly and replacing with with an old portable and being surprised they're cross because you can watch the same telly programmes."

Actually, I think this is a better plan. Tell your SIL not to worry about the book, then go round and smash her telly. It will be more cathartic.

"SIL promised that she would ensure he would look after it" PLUS, he is 17! Plenty old enough to know that when you borrow something (especially something precious to the person lending it) you take better care of it than you would if it were your own. If nephew loses his pocket-money for 3 weeks, so much the better - consider it a life lesson. Although his horrible mother should go halves with her little pweshus if she's that bothered, considering she also broke her promise to you.

YADNBU.

MyLittleMiracle I dont mind when I get the replacement just as long as I do, I think that your idea is really good. Nephew can pay back weekly in small amounts. I dont want to approach dbro about that just now though because it sounds like SIL is really kicking off. She does this all the time when she cant get her own way!

she is totally unreasonable and your dn has to learn to treat other peoples property with respect.

If you damage someones property you replace it like for like

Tmesis there have been times I have wanted to do more than that

YANBU OP. If my 16 yo borrowed something like that and trashed it, I would be bending over backwards to replace it, and yes, it would come out of his allowance (as have the cost of lost school books, lost calculators etc). I don't pay for his mistakes (well, not often).

YANBU. I get twitchy inside when paperbacks come back to me dog-eared, let alone precious collectors' hardbacks. SIL knows she's/DNephew's in the wrong, hence her ridiculous frothing. Don't reply. Just keep posting her updates from Philistine Central

YADNBU!!! Don't lend the little fecker any more of your books, take the money and run out to buy another one. And tell the little gobshite you'll want payment in blood if he ever harms another one of your precious books :o

And your SIL sounds like a right twat.

At 17 I used to put books into ziplock bags so they wouldn't get dirty in my bag (I wonder why other students in my school labelled me a geek...]

Seriously, he is not a little child. You got a whole collection of books and a paperback would stick out like a sore thumb!

Don't reply to the text, no matter how hard it is. Them having a fight is not your fault, it's hers for not minding her manners. Because not replacing something you broke properly is, in my eyes, really bad manners! (lets not even start on phone calls etc).

So what if he goes without money. He was bad enough to not even apologise it seems. If it would have been an honest accident (dropped into the sink or whatever or spilled tea on one page) then he should have owned up. I am sure you would have been no less upset but more likely to let it go. But returning it without a sorry is just cheeky. Let him learn his lesson. Rather late at 17, mind you

The text is pathetic. She is the one moaning about a book, not you. Most people would recognise a decent quality book when one of their family borrowed one and would be upset and get a like for like replacement if it got damaged.
She is the one making an unreasonable fuss. You don't borrow things you can't afford to replace.
In future don't lend them and offer to buy a cheap version as a present. Nephews can be difficult to buy for.

I don't understand why your SIL is upset that her teenage son will have a bit less pocket money. What is it to her?

Hahaha at the text. And good on your brother by the sound of it.