To believe I've been abducted and experimented on by aliens?

[youarekidding]

EEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,

after 3 months of cold, infections and a week of steroids because my chest was so inflammed breathing was nigh on impossible, I am spouting bright yellow - yes neon yellow, crap from every exit hole I own.

AIBU to think the blood tests showed up no underlying health condition because clearly, I must have been abducted and experimented on my aliens?

YANBU I am sure Jeremy Kyle would be interested in hearing more about your unique experiences. I would give his show a call straight away.

Jeremy Vile? Can see it now.

The DNA test results show that is the child's biological father.

or

We asked Kidding, did anytime during your abduction you give consent for your body to be taken over by aliens.

she said no.

guess what ladies and gentlemen, she was telling the truth!

Yes brilliant. But what if:

We asked Kidding, did anytime during your abduction you give consent for your body to be taken over by aliens.

she said no.

guess what ladies and gentlemen, she LIED

Cue Kidding looking very shame faced.

Every exit hole?

yes them all probably swallowed it!

lesley But those tests are wrong in 1% of cases you know, and I could be one of those, I mean how many other people do you know that have been abducted by aliens? and I am telling the truth

You said you could be . Research proves that when people say they could be in this type of context, that they are always lying.

And don't assume that I don't know people who have been abducted by aliens ffs!! Just because you lead a nice middle class sheltered life. I live on a COUNCIL ESTATE and I know LOTS of people who have beeen abducted by aliens.

OMG my pee in neon green scared to google

lesley33, I live in HA flat, does that make me a likely victim

neon green?? Have you tried switching the lights off and seeing if it glows? No idea what this would mean, just thought it would be amusing.

A HA flat is totally different to a COUNCIL ESTATE. You are totally safe from aliens.

But zombies are known to favour HA properties. Are you up high? If yes you will be fine - just put furniture up at your front door to barricade yourself in. But if you are on the ground floor then...

Yup you've definitely been abducted by aliens, either that or you've been drinking Sunny Delight.

You're on ABs, aren't you. Can't remember which one, but green wee is a side effect of one AB and probably the neon snot is too.

Ooh I love a good alien abduction!!!

Can you remember anything at all OP? I agree the jezza is the road to go....Graeme would be able to counsel you through the worst of the memories, or at the very least his glasses will help you forget! (for some bizarre reason he always reminds me of emperor whatshisface from flash Gordon )

Not on AB, stratters Have just finished a course of steroids for chest infection/ inflammation. Had amoxicillin 2 weeks ago would it still have that effect?

lesley First floor but is the top floor

SHREIKS, it's also SNOWING outside now. South Hampshire, March and it's snowing. The zombies ARE coming aren't they.

Not on ABs?

It's the End Time, The Rapture is upon us.

Whats an OFRS backpack? Do I need one of these?

Dustbin - what like a metal one? I only have a plastic wheelie bin

You only have a plastic wheelie bin!!!! OMG!!!.....Have you never heard about preparing for zombie attacks??

You really are a poor piss mother to have made no proper preparations for zombie attacks at all

Nitrofurantoin makes your wee neon. Are you taking antibiotics? Another medication I might need to take can turn your wee pink. So, loads of pain and bother, but at least I get to do rainbow wees.

pneumomia? Just as when my gran had it what you describe was coming out of her mouth

Do you not read our incredibly important public broadcasts information threads at all?

How can a MNer not know about the Zombie Apocalypse Planning Committee, dustbins, and the art of the OFRS?

We have failed. :(

Everyone stop talking. The OP is clearly an alien spying to find out what preparations we have made.

No not a spy

Really am a neon yellow and green spewing machine today but far more concerned about zombie attacks now to care.

missed the public broadcasts I need the information to become a less shit mother! to save myself

So metal bin and a OFRS (whatever that is)

maddening I have had a chest infection/inflammation. Been on steroids and ventolin so probably is just the crap clearing.

Does anyone know if mumof1plustwins is okay or if the zombies did get her?

youarekidding - I am increasingly thinking you are a troll. I mean first you pull us in with tales of neon green effluence and aliens and then you mention zombies....and then you claim not to know anything about the public service broadcasts and OFRS?? If you are going to make up a scenario please credit us with the intelligence to make it a bit realistic.

I woke up thinking I'd been experimented on by aliens.

stratters mentioned zombies and scared the crap out of me

I'm now worried about the immenent zombie attack you all seem prepared for.

I want to protect myself.

What's a troll? Is this another lifeform I need to learn about?

Day Nurse turns your wee neon yellow