AIBU to ask how often you row with your DH or partner?

[MrsKittyFane]

and to think that a full scale, sweary, can't stand each other row is a bit much once every couple of months?!

proper sweary and shouty? Maybe once or twice a year.

But stroppy, slightly raised voices because each one feels the other isn't listening, light emotional blackmailing, etc? Once every 2-3 months. In a bad period, maybe once a month.

You need two people to argue and dh just won't.

We don't really bicker. Well, I do a bit sometimes, but dh just ignores me if I'm being shitty so it's very unrewarding.

Once, very early on in our relationship, I dramatically flounced out of the house fully expecting him to follow me. He didn't. He sat down and watched Top Gear with a cup of tea. I sat at the bus stop until the rain got too hard and then went home where he was very happy to continue our discussion.

Never had one, been together 3 years now. Had a few huffy moans etc but no rows.

Together 8 years. Never shouty / swearing / door slamming. Occasional mild sarcasm but usually said with a smile "It's the maid's day off perhaps you could put those plates away yourself" kind of thing.

I can honestly say it's been years since we had a row like described in the original post and even then, it's not even half a handful in 15 years. We'll have a bit of a bicker once in a while but I wouldn't call them rows.

When we first got together we never rowed, but we let things fester, and in all honesty that really wasn't healthy. Now we have minor spats but are generally quite careful of each other.

I would say we have a big row about four times a year, and a mini one about every fortnight - mini row can be either a slightly angry discussion, or me having a cry and having a go at him about an important issue like not spending enough time together, or it can be stupid, about the best way to cook fajitas.

I have given him an ultimatum about the big rows though because he always ends up shouting and swearing at me, and I've told him that it can't go on.

I shout a bit, but it's more about the actual argument, IYSWIM? E.g. I'll shout 'I cannot believe you would disrespect me like that' or 'you're being so selfish' - all words I actually mean, just said loudly and not in the most sensible way. I need to work on that, but his swearing is getting unacceptable. The last time we argued he called me - 'prick', 'twat' 'bitch' and shouted 'fuck off'. Obviously disgusting behaviour and it has taken me a long while to forgive him - it was two weeks ago and I still haven't fully forgiven him. If he does that again I will be having a serious think about the relationship.

I've said 'oh don't be a twat' or 'fuck off' before but it's the fact all the swearing was said so maliciously and during the same argument!

I really admire all the people who don't row!

Haven't had a full-scale shouty sweary row with dp yet - but then we've only been together less than a year and don't live together yet.

Me shouting slightly, telling him to get out of my house, he's irritating the hell out of me? Once a week or so for the last 3 months . Early pregnancy hormones are sending me loopy. Dp is quite easy going and just takes himself off for a day knowing I'll calm down in his absence.

Exp and I had horrible screaming, swearing, slamming things rows all the time and I hated it. Was so emotionally draining.

also, i just realised we never swear AT each other. we just swear in our sentences because we're getting het up. early on, i said "fuck off" to DH as part of a kidding-around conversation (not an argument) and he flounced dramatically, so we don't do that at all

Daily! He is very grumpy though, so its more low level 'ffs, didn't you get the bloody milk?'. Big blow up about twice a year (and I mean major league). Worse over the past few years as we have been through bereaement, illness, redundancy and joblessess, etc. And he is also very very grumpy. I am getting grumpier by the day also (mid life crisis I think!).

We have been together twenty years and he is very grumpy. Very grumpy. My grandfather had a reputation as being the grumpiest man alive but he was actually very funny. DH is not funny.

not very often these days it used to be very other week with blazing rows , we have been together 20 years i dont think we can be arsed to argue anymore , the last row was a few weeks ago and Dh did his huffy child thing and stopped speaking sigh

Mrsjay - are you married to Grumpypuss too?

yes he a grumpy sod sometimes sigh I think its a midlife/marraige thing

Every day booked relate

Very rarely. All of my previous relationships were full of rows and dramas; I found it so destructive as you can't take back things said in anger - a little bit of the trust in each other is destroyed. I am naturally a quick tempered, shouty person, although I do calm down quickly and then regret snapping. DP calls it my 'anger-guilt cycle'.

DP is very calm and very rarely loses his temper. When we disagree, tempers might get a bit heated, but we talk it through and compromise. I'm a lot more reasonable than I used to be, and I feel very safe with him - a full on screaming swearing row would be absolutely devastating to both of us.

Ironically though, my relationship with DD is fiery and we have frequent disagreements. It's always been like that; she's a mightily strong character and pushes against the boundaries a lot. I won't back down and neither will she, so it does make for some dramatic scenes. Poor DP gets plenty of shouty drama watching us two!

Crabby I was exactly the same with my mum. I still to this day remember my dad telling me the two of us were 'too alike and both stubborn so that neither of us would back down'. Thankfully we can now talk without it descending into a full-scale argument. Neither of us are frightened to say our piece if one has annoyed the other but we do it in a calmer way. She's now one of my best friends

ballroom that's such a lovely outcome - that's exactly what I hope will be the case with DD! I love DD to bits and I know she does me too. It's for her own good I can't let her win and I think she'll appreciate that in times to come. I have the relationship you describe with my own Mum, and I hope that I can have that with DD. Thank you!

To those of you who describe yourselves as "I like to shout and clear the air......." I would encourage you to stop and think if this is affecting your children. My DM shouts when she gets cross and I hated it when growing up. I still feel a little anxious sometimes when I see her, because I view her as unpredictable. We will never be close because our personalities are so different. I am outgoing and chatty by nature, but I don't to raise my voice because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end

Every child is different. I'm not saying it would affect every child as it affected me. However, I would urge you to think about this.

We have had a few 'disagreements' but we have learned from each one. DP's ex was shouty, aggressive and emotionally abusive and his solution was to leave the room/house until things calmed down. When he is cross now, he knows that I am not like his ex, we can discuss things calmly, he doesn't need to go anywhere and next thing you know, everything is sorted out.

I used to panic that he'd leave me because he was cross, but I believed him when he told me that just because he's cross doesn't mean he doesn't love me any more. So now I don't panic, he doesn't walk away, and we are happier than ever .

lot of people seem to think that having a good clear the air argument is bad. I think it's much better than never arguing. How are you supposed to clear your grievances when one of you refuses to participate.
Probable explains why my marriage is going down the plughole....because we never argue.

Not often, we dont have shouty rows we exchange words and then stay silent for a few hours sometimes a day or two!! depending on the nature of the argument, normally its about money or my family :(

My DH and I don't argue. We both express our views and we respect each other's rights to differ at times. We work hard to find a compromise we can both live with. Sometimes this is harder than shouting, but I don't believe that arguments are necessary to make a relationship successful

Every Christmas! Sometimes I think it would be easier it Christmas didn't exist...

Rarely, been together 21 years and we've run out of steam