AIBU to ask how often you row with your DH or partner?

[MrsKittyFane]

and to think that a full scale, sweary, can't stand each other row is a bit much once every couple of months?!

Think it depends on your personalities. Both DH an I are shouty sweary, control freak people. He's a hothead and I'm queen of the door slam.

We have shouty sweary bickers every couple of days, normally about little things and neither of us ever remember them. Can't stand each other rows monthly but its typically all over by dinner/next morning. The 'I genuinely want to murder/hire a hitman/days of sulking afterwards' rows happen occasionally, maybe once a year. Quite often in fact when we're trying to organise a holiday.

We celebrated our 30 Year Anniversary recently. A couple I know married for same amount of time never shout, its all about what you can take.

I can be shouty and stampy and occasionally I need to be shouty and stampy - think it's a sort of stress relief valve. DH is the silent, calm and won't respond type - very frustrating. We had a bad patch about three years ago and I was horrid but we are through it now and love each other more.

Have been together for 23 years. Like RubyFakeNails, we always have a holiday row.

We used to have a full on crying row every fortnight or so, but that was 9-10 years ago. Now we have a slight huff with each other every 6 months or so.

Been together nearly 20 years and have never had the sort of row the OP describes. Things do sometimes get a bit fraught when we are going on holiday because I hate navigating unfamiliar roads and pulling the trailer (he doesn't drive) and he is a rubbish map reader! Can't think of anything else we argue over really.

Been married for 14 years and together for 5 before then - never had a row in all that time. I get grumpy (not with him, just in general) and withdraw behind my laptop from time to time, he is extremely even-tempered, so it just doesn't happen.

Twice in about six years, I think. And that was through drink. And there was no shouting or name calling. I can't remember what they were about either- nothing important.

laurie your story sounds VERY familiar! :o

Also agree with Ilovedinosaurs Tired and hungry = Bad tempered DH.

I need to stop taking the bait but I can't. If I feel got at I fight back. :( :o

Last proper row was 1997. I won.
Mild harumphs are what usually happen now.

When we were younger once every few months, I can't remember the last time though TBH. Things happen that are tough (eg money/work/kids) but I think we've learned that adding in rowing just makes things tougher.

My grandparents rowed on a daily basis for over 60 years. The life went out of him when she died and the nagging stopped, he didn't last more than a year without her.

Our last one was end of August so a good long while ago. Then we nearly had one at around Christmas time and managed not to have it - we both just decided to ask how the other felt instead of swearing and shouting at each other and ended up having a really good honest conversation instead. I think we may have turned a corner.

Beforehand it was about twice a year, always the same one about nothing - his frustrations with his job, me with my frustrations about his OCD tendencies, his annoyance about me not having the same standards about housework he has, my annoyance about nothing I did housework wise ever being good enough for him. We talk a lot more about it now and it's better.

Yelling? Never. I used to yell in the early days but an actual screaming at each other row - never in 13 years of marriage. I stopped shouting because, tbh, you feel rather foolish shouting all by yourself.

He likes to discuss things. He likes to sit calmly down and talk about an issue.

Bastard.

We've only had one proper row, and it was about the music for our wedding . We do bicker a bit though.

My parents had lots of rows. None of our plates matched when I was growing up because my mother was always throwing crockery at my father.

my god you all sound so lucky. i knew my relationship was bad but a nasty row every week and then just about calming down for a few days before the next one isnt normal is it? it must be so nice to live so peacefully. and of course everything is my fault as i wind him up and dont listen.even if i do, i dont think i deserve the things he calls me though. today i got told to "go look in the mirror at the state of you" and "all you care about is feeding your fat stomach"

ILoveDinos for me too... especially if tired. We are fairly regular snappers/ bickerers and occasionally I will lose my temper. So will he. We always apologise and have a hug within about 5 mins of this occurring.

Our arguments are pathetic and almost always manifest from him finding me too relaxed and/or me finding him too neurotic (we are shadows of our mothers!). Except when I'm criticising his washing up skills (I mean, who washes a greasy baking tray last, and balances it over everything else on the rack?? I practically smelt them before being satisfied there will be no greasy drip off).

We occasionally snap at each other but I think we have only really rowed 3 maybe 4 times in our whole relationship. We have been together 14 years.

We have our disagreements and there are points on which we have agreed to disagree, but generally arguing is not a regular occurrence.

We need to have a good row every couple of weeks to clear the air.

Yummytummy, your situation doesn't sound very happy . But I don't think not rowing necessarily makes a relationship peaceful. A friend of mine split with her partner on the basis she'd never been allowed to draw him into an argument - he was always so reasonable/ reluctant, that she felt unable to raise any issues. She found that really stressful.

yummytummy

I'm always really shocked when I hear people say things like this. I can understand people losing their temper and saying things in the heat of the moment about the thing they are arguing about but I'm always really shocked when I hear people say that DH/DP makes comments that are deliberately designed to hurt.

I'm very naive aren't I? My parents never raised their voices to each other in front of us, and DH has never known his parents to raise their voices to each other in front of other people either, so we both grew up in the expectation that that is how marriage works.

I think I am very naive, but it always shocks me when I hear someone say that their partner insults them. I was actually thinking about this the other day and I think if I had to choose between DH loving me and him respecting me, I would choose respect. Thankfully I don't have to choose, but I think I could live without love easier than without respect.

I thought most people washed greasy things last so the water lasts as long as possible and you only have to balance it over the other stuff if the person drying isn't keeping up!

Daily

We bicker like a pair of kids tbh but rarely have full blown rows.

We even bicker when we're at the gym, my friend once filmed us on her mobile, side by side on cross trainers arguing merrily

Thank you for all of your replies!
I am sort of pleased I'm not alone and :( that we aren't as calm as I'd like.
Our shouty row is forgotten (until the next one starts brewing) I'm going to try and close my mouth next time and see where it gets me!
We can row for England one day and have a great day the next just as we have done this weekend!
I'd love a peaceful relationship :)

Patsy just read your post! Maybe a bit of an argument then- just not one that spills over into a screeching , yelling, mad 'I hate you' type row!! :o

Never had a shouty row. Been together 8 years, had disagreements, but no shouting matches. I don't think I could be bothered!

We've been together 5.5 years and never had a shouty sweary argument. If we disagree about something we talk about it/ get stropy/ don't speak to eachother. (not saying it's any better but suits us)

I'd be heart broken if DP shouted or swore at me, I just don't think that's anyway to speak to people who you love. That kind of relationship would not be for me.