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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed upset and hurt by the comments

120 replies

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 18:50

I'VE BEEN TO WORK ALL DAY! That's what my dh said because he had to bath and entertain our 2.3 dd while I was getting washing in, making the beds with clean sheets, vacuuming entire house, washing up the kids tea dishes while cooking the tea for us! And then he puls a face about having to move from playing on the iPad with dd to take her up for bed and i said stop moaning you have only had her for an hour to which he says well I've been to work all day. What the frig does he tink i do all day and have to do it with a child he wants constant attention and chickens and dogs to clean and feed grrrrr I said I don't want to row stop being an arse but it will play on my mind as he does jack shit apart from go to work and when I was at work I still had to do everything even tho I'd been to blooming work! Plus I have a 16-18 year old to. Rant over thanks

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 02/03/2012 21:27

If you can't get things done because your DD gets out of control I would spend less time at groups and more time addressing her behaviour. It's a cop out to get annoyed with your DH because you are not coping with your role.

skybluepearl · 02/03/2012 21:28

Well I actually think that you hubby needs to spend quality time daily with your toddler to bond properly.

PW - have you ever been top a play group with a small but lively toddler surrounded by lots of other small lively toddlers then?

skybluepearl · 02/03/2012 21:30

I feel I have to constantly choose between little one and house work. Yes sometimes we will put washing in the machine together etc but theres only so much you can do that way

CreepyWeeBrackets · 02/03/2012 21:30

Sometimes, undercoverprincess, it can indeed feel like little ones are little for too long. Especially when you are awake at Stupid a.m for the fifth time that week and have to go out and push swings in sodding February

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 21:31

Shouldibuy yes when he does have dd the house is like a bomb has gone off!! That stresses me lol but I just get on and sort it think he'd said it with out thinking tbf and I'd snapped and posted and regret it judging by the response

OP posts:

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 02/03/2012 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessWellington · 02/03/2012 21:32

Shouldibuy - I don't assume, I know. I have done it! Chickens, allotments and dogs are all optional. Should you not be able to cope with the 'chores' then why add extra to the mix? And yes, I have dogs too! Play group is optional as well. A teenager not helping is optional. When I was a LP I worked and did the household chores, as do many people and many au pairs and nannies are also expected as part of their job to look after a child or children and do chores. It is not difficult, just like going to work is not difficult.

Anonymumous · 02/03/2012 21:33

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere My hardworking hubby does not work an 8 hour day. He leaves for work at 7.15 a.m. and usually gets back by about 6.15 p.m. - that's an 11 hour day. Then he often has work to do in the evening or weekends as well. He gets all the stress of commuting there and back, plus working at a difficult job and using his brain all day. He is tired when he gets home.

I, on the other hand, get to organise my day exactly as I wish. If I don't feel like doing the housework, I can pop to a friend's house. I can go to toddler groups and sit around drinking tea and eating biscuits. I can spend hours on websites like this one! I have so much freedom - I do not envy my DH having to go to work one bit. And the children are in bed by 7.00 p.m. and then I can spend the rest of the evening pleasing myself. It is not a 24-hour job (unless you count the very rare occasion when one of them has a nightmare) and it is not particularly arduous. Even at eight months pregnant and with at least five miles of walking to school and back every day, it is not particularly arduous. Sure, housework is boring - I hate doing it. But I don't imagine for a minute that DH is loving every minute at work either.

Maybe OP just needs to learn to relax a bit instead of putting so much pressure on herself? (It doesn't sound like her hubby is the one stressing over having an immaculate house TBH.)

MyLittleMiracle · 02/03/2012 21:34

Sorry in assuming it was a stay and play and you didnt have to stay with! But i was trying to stick up for you too! You cant get much done i know in such a short time.

PrincessWellington · 02/03/2012 21:36

Sky blue - yes I have 3 dcs and have been there and done it. It's not brain surgery is it? It's a two year old. I had a baby and a two year old. Plus I used to volunteer on the youngest dcs playgroup when parents don't stay. So yes, I'm perfectly aware of the role.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 21:38

Domeson not out of control as such she's just lively and loves to play and I'm the only one that's there as brothers are grown and out but I'm sorry house work has to be done and so I'll do what I can in the day and give her what she needs then sacrifice my evenings when she's in bed to do everything else. My role is a mother to nurture and help grow not punish and my two lovely boys one is in collage a levell law brilliant prospects and the other has a good job both well mannered and behaved so I do know how to control as you say my children thanks what's your credentials? I have 18 good years under my belt!

OP posts:

lechatnoir · 02/03/2012 21:38

Chirychick there's clean and then there's clean and hoovering TWICE in one day is excessive (twice in one week & we're doing well ). It's bit sad that your OH finds spending a short spell at the end of the day with his DC a chore, but, I can see why he's narked at you doing EVERYTHING during the evening besides which your dd needs to learn to play alone & use her imagination. DS2 is similar age & whilst I'm far from domestic goddess I do get stuff done on my days off as DS will:sit at the kitchen table doing puzzles/doing playdoh whilst I cook dinner or iron for half an hour as long as I'm chatting to him, loves cooking so will often help get dinner, if I need to make beds or clean a bathroom I'll make him a train track or set up a tea party in our bedroom & let him carry on whilst I do bits & bobs. Honestly constant full-on stimulation & amusement really isn't helping your dd. I'm not suggesting you plonk her in front of CBeebies all day (although half an hour won't hurt ) but you need to do your share in the day & maybe try & enjoy the DC together with your OH.

PrincessWellington · 02/03/2012 21:39

Op - you need to chill out! Hoover twice a day??? Buy the two year old a little Hoover!

Anonymumous · 02/03/2012 21:45

Damn - PrincessWellington has uncovered my dirty little secret!

Pandemoniaa · 02/03/2012 21:45

I think you are doing too much housework and actually, can't see why your teenagers aren't making themselves more useful either.

I don't count looking after your own child as the sort of task that should be divided into "yours or mine" either. So I've little tolerance of men who think that going out to work all day excuses them from being a parent.

But ultimately, it sounds as if you a making a martyr of yourself here. Nobody ever got a medal for housework so why wear yourself out? Also dropping standards slightly doesn't mean you have to live in a pigsty. The sky won't fall in if the house goes unhoovered for a day.

I know someone whose routine sounds like yours, as it happens. She is constantly stressed by attempting to do quite unnecessary levels of housework. Her children are inclined to be naughty challenging and I'm sure all this manic housework doesn't help.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 21:46

Princess my dd is 2 and we boys are older as stated so allotments and dogs plus chickens came 5 years ago you do the math so no throwing in the mix! It was like that and before you say why have baby we were told cant have any more so she really is my miracle baby girl and although i moaned about having to all those jobs i do them and do them well and I'm so glad your a champion wife and mother well done you clap of hands

OP posts:

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 21:49

If any one has the answer for getting two teenage boys to do anything other ten eat when at home please post and please if your dc are not teenagers or you haven't reached that with personal experience please don't talk out your arse

OP posts:

CreepyWeeBrackets · 02/03/2012 21:51

Mumsnet teen board. DD is only eleven so I am finding the pre-teen forum very useful.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 21:53

Haha I give up Ive had a moan don't we all on occasions and all live life differently so respect to you all for your posts and thank you for taking my mind off it all

OP posts:

Shouldibuy · 02/03/2012 21:54

PW you do make assumptions - the main one being that everyone on here spends most of the day watching telly and on the internet. Granted there are some on the internet at any one time, but its a bit of a sweeping statement to make. You dont actually know everything about everyone's life - you know about your own and thats it.

While you were a lp and working out of the house, either your children must also have been out of the house, and so making no mess, or someone was looking after them, and presumably clearing up after them too.

Not sure why I'm bothering to argue though - very rarely get drawn into arguments with self righteous posters, but its getting a bit dull reading them and never responding.

Anyway op - sure your dd gets a lot out of you having the allotment etc - she will be learning lots while playing with your there. Sounds like great fun.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/03/2012 21:54

anon she was asking her husband to play with his child, not lay a patio.

If my OH was fecking about on an ipad and huffed when he was asked to put his child to bed I would be pissed off regardless of how many hours he put in.

undercoverPrincess · 02/03/2012 21:58

chirpychick I am totally with you but I guess we all parent differently and others prioritize housework over entertaining their children. I would sit down with your OH and explain to him what you do do all day while he is a work and then work out between you if it is reasonable for you to still be doing so much in the evening, it does seem rather a lot of different things in fairness I do run the vacuum round every day and do a surface clean a few times a week but always have some bits still to do after school.
I am in fairness guilty of laptopping too (during naps) then rushing about at the last minute before work to get essential chores done....

recklesspixie · 02/03/2012 21:59

Chirpychick I could see how your DH's comments frustrate you. I can't believe the horrible thing posters like PrincessWellingon are saying, what a cow. Princess instead of having a 'go' at the OP maybe you could offer some constructive advice instead of attacking her and belittling her. So what if she wants to hoover twice a day or go to playgroups, her DH shouldn't be playing on his ipad while she runs around the house. It's really unfair of you to make a joke about her watching loose women etc and I for one don't want to hear how you find looking after your 3 children a doodle and how going to work is so easy for you. This is not about you. Help the OP nicely. You should read over some of what you have written it is so mean-spirited.

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 02/03/2012 22:02

Shouldibuy thank you we do have lots of fun and learning plus lots of fresh veg and tuns off eggs i love my family and i know im a bit of an ocd when it comes to housework and i know its not that important but it affects me mentally if its not right it goes round in my head but thats my issue and ill get over that one dy but it hasnt harmed the boys so i cant e that bad and dh comment was off the cuff I think as we have discussed it after reading the comments on here lol don't want people to argue tho so goodnight loves you all regardless x x x

OP posts:

PrincessWellington · 02/03/2012 22:09

Reckless - you have made me laugh with your spelling error. I have pictures of cartoon doodle children cut outs running around with hand vacs. I have a dry sense of humour. If you have missed that, I think the op's husband is a twat for expecting op to do everything. However op should chill. The Internet/tv thing was a J - O - K -E but come on we all do it!

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