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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my mate is spoiling our night out?

84 replies

OffMilk · 01/03/2012 22:56

My friends and I have a night out planned for next weekend. It's a big celebration and quite a few of us going. The idea was we'd start off with a few local drinks and then head into the city centre. Bit of a piss up yes but it's a rare thing and we've all been working really hard and are all looking forward to the opportunity to just let our hair down. I have booked my hair in for the day and bought a new dress and everything.
One of our friends doesn't drink for religious reasons however but still wants to be involved in the meet up so she's insisting that we all gather at a local Hookah bar and smoke this weird shit from a bong BEFORE our night out. This concerns me because a) I don't want to stink before we even go out. Especially when I've just had my hair done and b) I don't want to waste money doing this hippy shit when I could be spending it later on enjoying myself. Apart from this I don't want to do the smoking thing (Call me old fashioned but I value my lungs) and so would just be sat there watching the clock tick by.
By not doing this however I am effectively excluding her from the meet up.

I just want to go out for drinks like planned! AIBU??

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2012 23:10

No, tell her to fuck off.

If what you're saying is true then she's being very unreasonable

Oh and has anyone told her she doesn't have to drink?

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 01/03/2012 23:11

Does everyone else want to go? It sounds vile.

If they don't want to just stick to the original plans and tell the friend who wants to go that she is welcome to meet up with you but you won't be going to her place.

If the others do want to go to the weird stinky bong bar, can you meet up with them later?

And, YANBU.

michglas · 01/03/2012 23:13

Actually i think you have misinformed yourself at what a Hoohak bar is - it is herbal molasses (although some use tobacco) that comes in different flavours and smoked from a Shisha - it's not a bong used to smoke weird shit. I would try and accommodate everyone on a night out, nobody is forcing you to try any and you won't stink to high heaven.

Bohica · 01/03/2012 23:14

YANBU.

Stick with the original plan and maybe, vaguely suggest doing the stinky bomb bar on the next big night out in 2020

Original poster

OffMilk · 01/03/2012 23:17

Well I won't be going because I think it's stupid and I know a couple of the others just want to get straight on with out night out. Going to this place will be a faff on because we'd have to go there, then go back on ourselves to the pubs and then go back the other way the head into town!

I will just be meeting them later if they do go but am a bit pissed that she's trying to re-arrange our night out. She does this all the time. We always have to accommodate her and it gets tiring to be honest. Why she can't just come out and not drink is beyond me.

OP posts:

nobodyspecial · 01/03/2012 23:17

The sheesha pipe stuff doesn't stink! It's all fruit flavoured and it doesn't do anything to your lungs.

TBH, you'll be stinking of alcohol after your first drink, and everyone knows booze doesn't smell very nice after a night out.

YABU and also quite ignorant.

my2centsis · 01/03/2012 23:19

I think your being rude and only caring about yourself and what YOU want. Isn't she ment to be your friend?

squeakytoy · 01/03/2012 23:19

What do the others want to do?

TheCraicDealer · 01/03/2012 23:21

I get why she doesn't drink herself, but does she feel so uncomfortable around alcohol that she can't be there when you all meet up somewhere that serves it? She can't dictate other people's plans because she doesn't agree with it. If she wants a trip to smoke shisha she can arrange it herself for anther time, not take a "bite" put of your evening- YANBU. I would quietly canvas opinion with the others; if they're ok with with her suggestion I'd just go with the flow. If everyone else has the same gripes as you I'd have a word with the friend. She can always still leave before anyone gets squiffy, which is what I assume the detour to the shisha bar is for

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/03/2012 23:21

She doesnt want to drink so cant come to a bar....where she wouldnt actually have to drink.

You dont smoke but she wants you to go to a bar where you would have to breathe in others smoke (herbal steam or whatever) without even doing it yourself.

She = BU
You = NBU

PurpleRomanesco · 01/03/2012 23:21

I agree wit michglas, It's and experience and can be fun in a big group. As for your lungs, Just think of it as taking some pressure off your liver for the night

I recommend the chocolate mint flavor.

my2centsis · 01/03/2012 23:21

Oh btw I bet she thought hey I might try and ruin their whole night by getting them to try something I enjoy that my friends might enjoy too.

Glad I don't have friends like you

michglas · 01/03/2012 23:21

Wow offmilk, just like you don't want to sit in a shisha bar and watch people smoke fruit flavour tobacco (which is very sociable and becoming quite popular), why should she have to just come out with you guys and not drink while watching you lot get rat-arsed.

How i would give my right arm to be friends with someone as selfish as you.

nobodyspecial · 01/03/2012 23:21

Why the hell are you her friend if you're "sick" of her? I really hate people like you. All smiley smiley to her face and then bitch behind her back I bet.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/03/2012 23:22

I hate the smell of the stuff so probably biased...but i do love a cigarette when not pregnant so no logic from me

michglas · 01/03/2012 23:22

Oh god Purple - I have the chocolate mint at home and it is awesome, as is the bubblegum flavour.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 01/03/2012 23:22

Well, you and the couple of others who don't want to go should just say you are carrying on with the original plan and the others who do want to go with her can meet you later.

It's not ideal if she is changing all your plans and makes a habit of it, but it's probably the best compromise.

PurpleRomanesco · 01/03/2012 23:22

x post with everyone :o

Original poster

OffMilk · 01/03/2012 23:23

Nobody wants to go but they're all saying they "better had" otherwise we'll be excluding her. I'm just a bit pissed off because I was really looking forward to this night out and it's turning in to a farce already. I can see what's going to happen, half of the group will go, half won't and then nobody will end up meeting up afterwards because we'll all end up in different places etc.
A few of my friends have said they definitely won't be going, they just want a normal night out like I do. One friend has said she 'might' go as she doesn't want to upset this other friend.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 01/03/2012 23:23

If you don't want to do it, don't. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. just say that you will meet the rest at x pub or club or whatever.

bramblina · 01/03/2012 23:24

You don't have to smoke, and she doesn't have to drink. Go figure. You're as bad as each other

stoatie · 01/03/2012 23:24

The sheesha pipe stuff doesn't stink! It's all fruit flavoured and it doesn't do anything to your lungs

Actually - most Shisha is with tobacco and can be harmful

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8214097.stm

Original poster

OffMilk · 01/03/2012 23:28

I don't expect her to sit in a pub all night but why choose this night to try and organise something when she knows we all had plans? she does it every time. One time one of our friends was leaving the country so we were having an evening celebration and this friend was like "oh well why don't we all go for coffee and cake?" so we said no, we were going out for alcohol so she eventually agreed to come with us but then tried to dictate where we went etc until eventually the whole night revolved around her rather than the person we were having drinks for!
And I'm not all pally pally smiley to her face, I've told her I'm slightly miffed that the plans have been changed as this has been arranged for ages and the smoking thing could have been on any other night.

OP posts:

PurpleRomanesco · 01/03/2012 23:28

they just want a normal night out like I do

Maybe this is part of a normal night out for your 'friend'. Why can't you try to make the most of the situation and have some fun with her doing something she enjoys? You seem to be actively hating something you have no idea about. You might enjoy yourself if you stop telling yourself you won't.

You seem rather spoiled and angry about not getting your own way.

my2centsis · 01/03/2012 23:29

I think she would be better off not having someone in her life as selfish as you tbh if you were her friend you wouldn't mind spending 20min doing something your friend wants to do.

Yet you go on MN and talk behind her back. Go figure

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