To think my mate is spoiling our night out?

[OffMilk]

My friends and I have a night out planned for next weekend. It's a big celebration and quite a few of us going. The idea was we'd start off with a few local drinks and then head into the city centre. Bit of a piss up yes but it's a rare thing and we've all been working really hard and are all looking forward to the opportunity to just let our hair down. I have booked my hair in for the day and bought a new dress and everything.
One of our friends doesn't drink for religious reasons however but still wants to be involved in the meet up so she's insisting that we all gather at a local Hookah bar and smoke this weird shit from a bong BEFORE our night out. This concerns me because a) I don't want to stink before we even go out. Especially when I've just had my hair done and b) I don't want to waste money doing this hippy shit when I could be spending it later on enjoying myself. Apart from this I don't want to do the smoking thing (Call me old fashioned but I value my lungs) and so would just be sat there watching the clock tick by.
By not doing this however I am effectively excluding her from the meet up.

I just want to go out for drinks like planned! AIBU??

God how old are you all, 15?

Why cant you just go for half an hour? Nevermind her saying you'll be there for a couple of hours (I actually think you've made that bit up to get people on side). These places arent that bad and the smell is nothing that a quick spritz of Charlie or whatever you young uns wear nowadays.

You sound like one of my old mates, if we arranged a night out and one of us dared to suggest meeting somewhere else she'd kick off and sulk and conspire with the rest of the group to come up with some sort of bullshit reason why we couldnt meet at the other place.

We all fucked her off in the end.

why don't you head off to a pub you'll meet them in and get a head start on drinking and let the others accommodate your friend (who's evening it is too) then they all join you.

personally think yab a bit u

You both sound like you have a battle of wills going on, tbh. You are probably the mouthier and more dramatic of the two, whilst your so-called "friend" is quietly manipulative. And everyone else is caught in between, telling you both what you want to hear.

I think most people will go along with your plans because you'll do a lot more frothing than the other girl if you don't get your way in the end. Am I right or am I right or am I right?

Having said that, she is BU for trying to wrangle your very carefully planned night on the piss away from you, at this late stage.

OffMilk,

you said in your OP that your friend doesn't drink for religious reasons. In some religions this also means that you cannot enter a premise where alcohol is served so this would exclude your friend from joining you and the others on the pub/bar crawl that you have arranged.

Perhaps she is trying to find away that she can join in this occassion and let her hair down as well and perhaps she is feeling just as put out about the suggested pub crawl which she may not be able to attend for religious reasons, as you are for her trying to organise something that she can join in with.

I think it sounds like a fun way to start a night out and you sound like a miserable stick in the mud, op.

Try something new, you might actually find you like it!

I think OP is probably worried her trendy edgy new hairdo and Miss Sixty dress will look out of place in the Hookah bar.

You certainly don't have to go to the hookah bar if you don't want to....if it were me, I'd just meet up with everyone later like you propose to.

BUT

Your attitude about the night out is every bit as bossy as you think your friend's is.

She wants her way, but equally you want yours. She is not 'ruining' the night out just because she fancies a few puffs early on. It's a total non issue.

Marquise: this "I think most people will go along with your plans because you'll do a lot more frothing than the other girl if you don't get your way in the end. Am I right or am I right or am I right?" was exactly how our old friend was. We just got bored of her little tantrums and ringing around us all to snipe that someone had dared to suggest that we meet up somewhere else that we just stopped going out with her.

I'm a bit naive....how does one of these bars work? Is it like a pub with pipes instead of alcohol? How is the tobacco-ey stuff made? How are the pipes cleaned? (Also I read "hookah", I think of alice in wonderland). How much does it cost?

YANBU, by the by.

I hear you, Gribble

I went to one in Tunisia years and and everyone sat round drinking black coffee or fruit tea with hookah pipes in the middle of the table, they were a bit like bongs tbh but it wasn't tobacco (or cannabis)!, it was a kind of clear crumby stuff that was fruity. I really enjoyed it.

Certainly more civilised that downing pints of cheap rose wine in weatherspoons.

In some places the pipes aren't cleaned properly and have been connected to outbreaks of illnesses.

They aren't cleaned before you pass them round, so you are sucking in each others spit.

It is herbal mostly, unless there is a rooftop terrace and then it is tobacco.

It's a bit like just all drinking out of one big glass.

Not properly cleaned?! I am def getting old, sounds horrible. Like kissing a roomful of strangers. Yut, (yuck) as my LO says. Do you have to pay much for this pleasure?

Personally, I would stay in and watch Take Me Out whilst eating a family-size Hot Mamma Mia pizza to myself.

HTH.

I must admit I am one of those who would never try anything I need to inhale into my lungs. if everyone wanted to go, Id go of course, but wouldnt take part.

By the way, what is the celebration for?

OP, how do you know the friend? When you say the night's been planned because you've all been working really hard, it makes me think that it might be a work night out you're planning. If so, then you could be opening yourself to accusations of workplace bullying by insisting on not going anywhere alcohol is not served, for the reasons outlined by fingersandthumbs.

If her religious reasons extend to not being somewhere where alcohol is served, then by insisting on going to bars serving booze, you're effectively excluding her - in exactly the same way women are excluded by work nights out at lapdancing clubs. She's come up with a suggestion which means she can come along too, and you're blowing a fuse.

I'm also with everyone who says try it, you might like it. There's no tobacco, and it tastes - and smells - very pleasant.

I'd actually find this quite fascinating (having never been to one and new experiences etc.).

So, you don't really want to go and maybe others do, split into two groups and meet a little later.

Do they serve alcohol in these bars?

Her night out sounds WAY more fun than yours. I know who I'd rather hang out with.

Regardless of which is the better night, I think it's rude to change plans at the last minute.

Think the deciding factor for me would be whether the Hookie bar served alcohol. I could cope with smelling of smoke and even smoking that as long as I have a glass of red too!

Can none smokers smoke it? I reckon I'd cough my lungs up which is never going to be a good look.

Is a week in advance last minute?

OP-your friend is willing to go out with you while you drink so why can't you go out with her to her hookah bar?
I'm sure you will not be there for a couple of hours as you said more like 30 mins max.
I think you're making a drama where there need not be one.

I wouldn't want to try this either...it doesn't make me a misery guts

As an aside does anyone else think that someone calling you a misery guts because you don't want to try something is being manipulative?

OP YANBU Suggest your friend organises a separate night out for those who would like to try this Hookah thing.