So, I actually know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't know why, please come and kick some sense into me...Keeping toddlers in full time childcare when on maternity leave with the second, why?

[realasitgets]

I've just realised I probably go a bit cats bum faced about it when people tell me they keep their toddler in full time childcare while they're at home full time on maternity leave with the second.

I know continuity is important etc etc..But I also know many f/t working parents who have dropped childcare down to 2 or 3 days rather than full time while on m/l/.

Why do people do this? The only reason I can think of is to keep the nursery/c/m place open. But I think I'd rather pay for it and not send them full time than be at home without them

Flame away!

Because I never thought I would be called a lightweight.
But I suppose people would say that about me...

I have in the past come accross something that was said about me that I wasn't supposed to hear, and it hurt like hell. Since then I do wonder sometimes what do other people gossip say about me.

I think "lightweight" is one of those things.

So she went to nursery where she had a great time rather than being stuck at home and ignored.

Never mind OP, don't let me hijack your thread, you go ahead bashing other parents. Bye

Sometimes people's parenting practices seem so far off from mine but I just try to keep an open mind. I don't know other's circumstances. I knew a couple, the mother is a sahm, put their first child in nursery since the baby was 3 mths old, and when the second one came along, same thing. And they used controlled crying to get their babies to sleep at night. They bottle fed. They are both were/are teachers. And they totally believe what they do is best for the child and will ensure their children won't grow up into spoilt brats. Well their children seem pretty well behaved, bright and sociable though so they are very proud of it. But I did a little when they went around telling others proudly what they've done.

Brian, what can I say, if the term lightweight being used (and not even said directly to you) causes you to be deeply wounded then MN probably isn't the place for you.

Because childcare at nursery isn't leaving a child with strangers who don't give a stuff, but hopefully with people that the child has come to know and love over a period of years.

But yeah, judge away. Much more fun.

My house was so tiny you couldn't swing a cat in it, my DD was at nursery where she could paint, play dressing up, play outside in the garden etc.
Why would I take her away from that to stare at 4 walls whilst I breast fed a baby.

None of your business

I am putting my4 month old PFB in childcare 4 days a week even though DH is at home willing and able to care for him

Put that in your pipe and judge it.

Thanks catgirl, I will.

I had twins. newborn twins are hard work. two newborns and a 2 year old and there were 4 of us in tears. ds1 was only in 3 days, but I was thankful for every one if those days.

not every one has your ability to mother multiple small children at the same time.

So what do you make of me OP? I am a SAHM with 2 dds. When dd2 was born I put DD1, who had just turned 2, into a preschool type setting for one morning a week so that I got a bit of time alone with DD2. No continuity, no keeping nursery places open. I just wanted a bit of a breather. Since she's turned three she now takes up the 5 sessions a week you get free. She loves it and gains so much from being there. Am I not much cop as a SAHM?

If there's anything else you disapprove of, let me know and I'll see if I can oblige with any other things for you to have a nice good judge of :)

I was replying to work e-mails the day he was born

I had an epidural

I do combined feeding

Happy to help those who like a good judge :)

Since she's not in full time childcare, which is what I'm talking about, I offer no opinion on that Wem.

Reasons:
1 - continuity
2 - I spent most of the day breastfeeding and chained to the sofa. Toddler would have been frothing at the mouth with boredom or else spend most of day plonked in front of DVDs.
3 - opportunity to provide 1:1 time with new baby, similar to that I was able to give to DC1
4 - benefit to sibling relationship, giving toddler some other stimulation means they come back 'fresh' to mummy and don't feel their entire existence revolves around competing for attention with a baby that means mummy is no fun anymore.
5 - breastfeeding hurts, or at least my let-down reflex was extremely painful - I didn't want my toddler to see me crying. I could tough it out through feeds if I knew some time was coming up when I could just sob when I felt like it.
6 - similar to continuity, but friends at nursery: 6,9 or 12 months is a long time in a toddler's life and they would likely forget their friends, keyworkers etc and have to be re-settled all over again upon return to work.
7 - Sleep. "Sleep when they sleep" doesn't work when you have two kids, one of which no longer naps, or if they do nap, doesn't conveniently nap at the same time as DC2.

Would I be right in thinking you've only got one child, OP?

I did two of the three on your list catgirl, feel free to judge back.

I can't imagine why you would have an issue with other people's childcare arrangements...but I can see exactly why it would work for some families:

-so new baby benefits from the same 1:1 time and bonding the first got.
-so mom has a bit of pressure off in those difficult early months.
-so you don't lose your child's spot in a good nursary.
-so your toddler, who is now accustomed to a more lively environment, has continuity in their relationships with nursary staff and peers.

-so your toddler has continuity in routine

I am sure there are more. I would love to be able to afford for our first to go to nursary at least half time when our second arrives. Even if we could afford it however, our nursary only takes full time children. I think some kind of nursary support would be ideal.

Oh, I see you do have 2DC... I will comfort myself by choosing to believe you have babies who never had colic and slept through before 10 months...

I agree that more than 3 days in childcare when mum is not at work (either on ML or a SAHM) is a bit harsh but each to his own.

Have a possible theory - the less time you spend with a baby/toddler, the harder you find it when you do look after them. If you're a SAHM, you're used to it 24/7 so it doesn't seem too bad. When you go to work some of the time, wear clean clothes and have adult conversations, the time spent wiping snot and reading The Gruffalo is a hard gear change?

Only an idea, don't need a flaming thanks.

Chateaneuf, you'd be specatacularly wrong in thinking I only have one child.

Surely it's obvious? Because not all women are natural-born earth mothers and they struggle...?

You're going to love me. We kept our au pair on after No. 2 arrived when i was on mat. leave so that she could be around to take DC1 when DC2 was being breastfed and taking up my time.

But I guess that's semi-OK, since DC1 got to be at home. Lucky us we could afford it.

Those poor people, howeer, shouldn't take whatever option is available to them and should just bloody well struggle on, right?

LOL catgirl! Before, after or during?!

The more people reply the more I'm wondering why people have more than one if they feel they have to send one of them away for 5 days a week. Seriously?

Kitchentiles - I disagree. The unrelentingness of 24/7 SAHM child-care duties can make it harder. It wears me down, that's for sure (1YO and a 3YO).

Some people are better parents and perform better at home for having a regular break from it.

Accidental pregnancy excepted, of course.