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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that DH was actually a prostitute...

102 replies

NameChange7483921 · 27/02/2012 23:21

First off, I really do not wish to trivialise the experiences of "proper" prostitutes - this is a light hearted thread.

Right. Namechanger, for obvious reasons.

DH is bi, which I have known forever, I am too, no big deal. We are securely married so it isn't an issue.

A few nights ago, we were talking about exes. He told me about a few girlfriends, then asked me what exactly constituted a relationship in my eyes. I said somebody who you would introduce to your friends as a boyfriend/girlfriend, so he asked whether it counted if you spent lots of time together, shagged regularly, but didn't go public. I asked for more details in order to make my judgement.

First off, he told me about a couple of kind of boyfriends (tbh I think they were more friends with benefits as it was just sex and hanging out - no actual feelings etc) and then he told me about another, but then corrected himself, because he "only did it to fill the fridge and get drinks and drugs"

Apparently, when he was at uni, two older men used to have him round to their house for threesomes etc, and in return would buy him drinks all night and give him food for the week, fags, drugs etc (only the usual recreational ones). Being a student, he thought it was great.

I pointed out that he was technically a prostitute, and he denied it as they didn't actually give him cash.

He also used to apparently trade sexual acts (with men and women, usually a lot older - he said he would have never gone near them normally) for stories when he was briefly a journalist.

He doesn't seem bothered by it at all, btw, he was really matter of fact about the whole thing - it was all over a decade ago now. He actually regrets that he turned down doing gay porn.

So, what do we think? Is the journalism thing just par for the course?

(sexual health is fine, btw, all tested etc)

OP posts:
playdotcom · 27/02/2012 23:23

Prostitute no, bit of a slagbag, yes.

lesley33 · 27/02/2012 23:23

yes he was a prostitute

mathanxiety · 27/02/2012 23:25

Yes, he was. Exchange of sexual services for goods is prostitution I would think. He knows it too.

redrubyshoes · 27/02/2012 23:25

You are securely married and his past is in the past. We all have past histories.

He is not bothered but you are.

Why?

TheSinglePringle · 27/02/2012 23:25

Prostitue as he recieved something for the acts

playdotcom · 27/02/2012 23:25

WTF lesley? I've had drinks and dinner bought for me all night by a guy and then I've shagged him, am I a prostitute too?

Sanesometimes1 · 27/02/2012 23:25

Agree with playdotcom

NameChange7483921 · 27/02/2012 23:27

I'm not bothered, I'm just asking AIBU, because he seemed to think it ridiculous that I would think that.

OP posts:
Jux · 27/02/2012 23:31

No more than a woman who'll do it after a slap up meal and couple of bottles of Bolly.

aldiwhore · 27/02/2012 23:33

Why give it a name?

Unless there was an agreement that sex would be given in return for food, fags, drugs, money, then the line is blurred as to whether its prostitution or simply a fair exchange of happiness inducing deeds.. which could also be construed as a co-dependant relationship.

Trading sexual acts for information (or money) as in a straight business deal... that is prostitution, but worse, its bad journalism! Though he's one of many bad journos, and its in the past so I'd forgive, and try and forget.

Grin

Life isn't black and white isn't it? Its full on technicolour, so, meh.

RachelWalsh · 27/02/2012 23:34

Ah, the ever elusive light-hearted prostitution thread... Hmm

ComposHat · 27/02/2012 23:52

He must be a bit of alright if he can get folks of both sexes to hop into bed with him, hand over food drugs, booze and sensitive business information at the drop of a chapeau.

Wish I had that sort of magnetism.

runningwilde · 27/02/2012 23:53

It's in the past - what does it matter what he did or what it was?

mathanxiety · 28/02/2012 15:31

Playdotcom -- If you deliberately set out to get an evening meal by holding out the prospect of sex afterwards then that is prostitution. A date where he buys you a meal and does so because he thinks that pays for his night with you is solicitation. Men who think that spending some money on a woman entitles them afterwards are generally speaking not the sort of men you should be seeing. (imo).

A date where you and the man end up in bed after a dinner he pays for because you find you are very attracted to each other is a different matter imo. But in order to avoid confusion and blurring of lines, why not go dutch?

The OP's DH saw a difference between friends with benefits even without feelings and gf's/bf's, and the older men he would sleep with for a week's groceries/drugs or the journalistic capers. He saw a distinction between mercenary sex and sex plus feelings or just sex for the heck of it. (However, he is just splitting hairs when he says it wasn't prostitution because there was no cash involved). That is what sex after a nice dinner is vs. mercenary sex given and taken after a dinner, with both parties conscious of the quid pro quo element.

NarkedPuffin · 28/02/2012 15:56

He also used to apparently trade sexual acts (with men and women, usually a lot older - he said he would have never gone near them normally) for stories when he was briefly a journalist.

Is the journalism thing just par for the course?

Yes. All journalists sleep with people for stories. The offices of the FT need steam cleaning on a weekly basis.

Omgomgomgomg · 28/02/2012 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 28/02/2012 16:05

I don't see a difference, Omg.

Are there not men who see the same prostitute regularly? Is this a transactional sexual relationship or prostitution?
How do we know the older men didn't have other young men coming a calling?

Gribble · 28/02/2012 16:17

IMO yes he was a prostitute, he traded sex for goods

OriginalJamie · 28/02/2012 16:30

I'd say so.

AbbyAbsinthe · 28/02/2012 16:58

ComposHat Grin

SayBoo · 28/02/2012 17:01

Yes it is prostitution.

Are the girls down Kings Cross who fuck for crack not prostitutes, then?

Get real.

Omgomgomgomg · 28/02/2012 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 28/02/2012 17:55

I´d say so if the sex was expected in return for the food/drugs.

lesley33 · 28/02/2012 18:05

So the woman who lived next door to me years ago who went out to have sex with men for money was not a prostitute because she was doing it for her kids xmas presents and not as her main source of income Hmm

mathanxiety · 28/02/2012 18:08

There is no such distinction, Omgomg. I'm following Lesley's reasoning here.