Should i tell the next customer who questions me about my scar to piss off !

[catpark]

Basically I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer just over a year ago. I've had 2 operations, radioiodine ablation (You have to swallow the radiation tablet and stay in hospital as you are too radioactive, geiger counter gets put near you twice a day etc. ) I'm now in remission, but I have a scar across the front of my neck due to the surgery's, just above my collar bone.

Now I work on a checkout and yesterday i had a customer who asked me what happened to get the scar. I simply said cancer, that's usually enough to stop most random people questioning me. She then asked me what type, did I have chemo etc.

I just looked at her and her husband informed me that she wasn't being nosy as she is a nurse and is allowed to ask these things. She then told me how she likes to find out about people's health and as a nurse it is her job ! I actually ignored her and didn't speak to her again. I got the cats bum face from her and muttered about how rude I was being !

As far a i'm concerned she was being nosy, being a nurse doesn't give her the right to question a complete stranger about things. She was lucky that i've come to terms with the cancer and have a good prognosis, many others haven't and this type of questioning could really upset them. Also what if the scar i've got was from something else ?

It's not the first time customers have questioned me about it. Worst one asked me why I tryed to do it. He thought i'd attempted to kill myself ! You wouldn't ask a random stranger in the street about it so why feel the need to ask a checkout operator ?

Would it be unreasonable to tell the next person enquiring to piss off ?

I have a large skin graft scar and get asked about it by people I do not know. I often used to on a daily basis when I worked behind a bar!

I usually give them an evil stare / ask them why they feel the need to ask, how they got to be so nosy, etc etc. In one cruel moment I walked off and got a colleague who I had conspired with to tell this particular nosy parker that I had been scarred in a terrible tragedy in which I had lost my entire family.

One common marker of people I hold dear is that they did not ask about it when we met.

OP I know what you're going through. Bloody rude and even worse if she's a nurse.

I use a mobility scooter. I am not 60/70/80. At least once a week I get asked 'so what happened to you then?' Usually by the elderly, actually. It gets so bloody annoying. On the one hand, I am happy to explain, for example, to children if they don't understand. But when I'm out and about I'm trying to enjoy my day. I can't answer the question simply as it's a mixture of 'I had an accident, and I have a genetic condition, plus another condition which only developed a few years ago.' I'm trying to get on and live my life and not focus on my appalling health and all the trauma that has come with that and I don't want it dragged up all the time.

I usually say 'I had an accident' but the whole, 'I was attacked by a shark,' is tempting. I would love to say FUCK OFF and mind your own business.

I think I would smile sweetly and say "Are you always this rude?"

For anyone working face to face with the luvverly public, Hell IS other people.

How would this 'nurse' have liked it if you had chosen to question an aspect of her appearance? For that would have been unprofessional of you, right?
It sounds like you handled this person very well, though clearly the encounter was very hurtful.

To echo a previous poster:

• Don't stare

and

• Don't discuss the appearance of person (serving you/walking past you) with your mate. Within earshot.

(I just wanted to sympathise, and to say that I'm glad that you are recovering from your treatment xx)

YANBU. I?m facially disfigured and there are far more mature answers here, but you?re welcome to any of my stock ?had enough? answers.
Generally I?m patient but sometimes people do it so forcefully or are so awful, I feel the need to be rude.

?I had an accident, what happened to you?? (if they object, profess horrified innocence that you didn?t realise they looked like that naturaly and weren?t disfigured too.)

?I had an accident, I take it you were you born like that?? (said anything from sweetly to sarcastically)

?Curiosity killed the cat.?

?You should see the other guy!?

?I really think you should speak to your own plastic surgeon before questioning the ability of mine.?

?OMG! OMG! Has my makeup come of? OMG! OMG!? (they usually flee if you do it intensely enough)

?Wellll?.. I was born in year dickedy doo, to my parents Sybil and Alphonse, in a small town y, just of x larger town which is near z city ?. And you keep on inanely through made up life history month at a time until they ask again, and you say your'e getting there and keep going and going until they snap and go.

Worst reason given why it was ok to question me while invading my personal space staring at close range goes to; ?it?s all right, I do make up for horror films and car crashes for television.?

I have to confess though I got my marching orders a few times for my attitude, and been hit a couple of times but it still felt better than constantly taking it all.

BTW I would have told her I didn?t believe she was a nurse because no nurse would be so intrusive and unprofessional, and if she argued ask for her registration number and report her if she was stupid enough to provide it.

So sorry the world?s full of idiots, but congratulations on getting through it.

JustGettingOnWithIt
^ great post!

imho, all customer-facing workers should be allowed the discretion to ban offensive(ly behaved) members of the public- or at least to decline to serve them - as would be the case if you worked in a pub.

this woman was just being a complete nosy bitch imo, a couple of my friends are nurses and they say they'd never question a stranger about an injury, scar, ilness etc, good luck for the future xx

I am sorry you have to go through this, that nurse is out of order. I hope she doesn't shop in your store again!
All the best with your remission.

Unbelievable cheek - YANBU.

It's rude and as a nurse she should know that(as a human being she should know that)
Just think there are people out there who are darn nosey.
Hope you continue to recover well.

People can be horrible. Next idiot that asks tell them that you got attacked on the street, when they look concerned, smile sweetly and say 'they died'.

OP, delighted to hear you are in remission, appalled at this woman's intrusiveness, and the fact that her husband normalised nosy and entitlted behaviour - I agree with whoever said up the thread that it's like someone thinking that because they're an accountant it's OK for them to ask total strangers for their bank balances. I like Gregor's response.

YANBU.

I used to work with a girl who had a large scar running down the entire right side of her face and into the corner of her mouth. She was slashed in the face (and stabbed in the chest and stomach ) by a psychotic ex boyfriend, who was in prison for the attack. She had moved over from Ireland to start a new life, yet people who came in to our office often asked her how she got the scar without any consideration for the fact it may be a touchy subject with her.

She used to tell people she would rather not talk about it, yet some people would still push for details. Unbelievable.

My ex had a big scar on his chest, so in summer (ie bare chested) he would always say 'shark attack' when questioned, which would shut them up.
I have a scar on my top lip that took ages to heal (have weird skin) and looked like the world's worst cold sore though I didn't get away with that excuse as the q's kept coming. I also work on a till. So whenever asked about it I replied that I'd kissed a lizard. And that the lizard didn't like it. REALLY didn't like it. In fact, he had to be extracted from my top lip. Yes that also shut them up...but they never believed me when i swore it was true!

(it was!)

ps the lizard was ok!

I can understand you being pissed off when people mention your scar. You've been through so much that when they mention it it must feel like a constant reminder.

I think though that people are naturally curious (have overactive imaginations) when they see such scars and want to know why.

Try telling them you used to be a magician's assistant and one of the tricks went wrong!!!

All the best in your continued recovery too.x

altinkum just wanted to say ime children are fine with other children. They're very accepting of people as they are, far more than adults are. Growing up, I neve once had an issue with the behaviour or attitude of other children towards me. I might have just been lucky. But also, your LO will have to develop strategies for coping with the reactions of others. Treating her like the normal human being she is will go a long way x

"Mind your own business" should suffice! Nosy cow.

Catpark

I am so glad to hear you are in remission.

My Mum had her thyroid removed due to cancer a number of years ago and was very conscious of her scar. She was unable to wear any clothing that touched the scar because it was so sensitive so she always wore open necked shirts.

One day I was out with my Mum and a stranger asked her if she had been attacked. My Mum told her that she had had the world's first head transplant and what did she think of the head she had chosen. The woman quickly scuttled off.

It is bloody rude to ask and I would either point out to anyone who asked that they were rude and should learn some manners or make up an outlandish explanation.

You can't see my Mum's scar now so I hope yours will fade in time too.

"what scar? - your eyes need testing"
"arguing with the Triads has its consequences"
"I think Dr Frankenstein did a great job on me"
"I am the reincarnation of Liz Taylor"
"my maiden name was Pierrpoint"

rotate at random - brazen out is MUCH better than hide

Wish I had the nerve to say some of the comebacks on here ! Having the scar doesn't actually bother me, or really talking about it. It is just the rudeness of some people who decide that they have the right to know the ins and outs of it. When i'm serving you on the till I don't want to start discussing my medical history with random strangers. I was appaulled at the gall of this woman and her husband who were using her being a nurse as a reason for why she was asking and expected me to just tell her everything because of it. I feel sorry for her patients actually.

Someone asked about covering it up, why should I ? It's not my fault that they are nosy and rude about it. Just wish i was allowed to tell them to sod off ! Can't wear anything over it anyway as the scar still gets irritated and inflamed at times plus i'm still getting my medication sorted so having problems with feeling hot etc.due to the lack of a thyroid and wearing a top under the uniform would make me overheat.

And why the hell should you have to hide your scar, just in case some nosy bastard gets offended when you won't discuss your personal stuff in public?

I like "what scar?" and "Now, why would you think that's an appropriate topic for discussion?", but that clearly wouldn't have worked on Nurse Ratchet.

One time, a colleague actually poked me, hard, in my leg scar (RTA) and said "Urrgh, how did you do that ?" which I hated as it makes me squirm to be touched on scar tissue (and it was rude and nosy). A week later, she was bumped into by a car and her own leg was broken. Spooky, but nothing to do with me. Honestly, I didn't even drive back then. I wouldn't do that.

my mum's had the same op as you and shares your attitude of why should she cover it up

-although to be fair you can only see a very thin white line now

I work in retail and know how thoughtless people can be

once I had laryngitis and a customer asked 'is there something wrong with you or is that your normal voice?'
I also have a squint -not noticeable when I wear my glasses but I had taken them off to do a mucky job and a customer told me that looking at me made her feel sick and I should get a patch or something!

you are perfectly within your rights (and I would support any member of my staff that did this) to say 'I don't appreciate you asking me such personal questions, please stop or I shall refuse to serve you'

however if you work the same shift each week you will usually get the majority of the same customers and the majority won't bat an eyelid