Should i tell the next customer who questions me about my scar to piss off !

[catpark]

Basically I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer just over a year ago. I've had 2 operations, radioiodine ablation (You have to swallow the radiation tablet and stay in hospital as you are too radioactive, geiger counter gets put near you twice a day etc. ) I'm now in remission, but I have a scar across the front of my neck due to the surgery's, just above my collar bone.

Now I work on a checkout and yesterday i had a customer who asked me what happened to get the scar. I simply said cancer, that's usually enough to stop most random people questioning me. She then asked me what type, did I have chemo etc.

I just looked at her and her husband informed me that she wasn't being nosy as she is a nurse and is allowed to ask these things. She then told me how she likes to find out about people's health and as a nurse it is her job ! I actually ignored her and didn't speak to her again. I got the cats bum face from her and muttered about how rude I was being !

As far a i'm concerned she was being nosy, being a nurse doesn't give her the right to question a complete stranger about things. She was lucky that i've come to terms with the cancer and have a good prognosis, many others haven't and this type of questioning could really upset them. Also what if the scar i've got was from something else ?

It's not the first time customers have questioned me about it. Worst one asked me why I tryed to do it. He thought i'd attempted to kill myself ! You wouldn't ask a random stranger in the street about it so why feel the need to ask a checkout operator ?

Would it be unreasonable to tell the next person enquiring to piss off ?

That is so rude. I would make up a story so completely ludicrous it is obviously not true and tell that to anyone rude enough to ask. Glad you are getting better.

Years ago I cut my fingertips open quite badly at college, got them glued up at the hospital and had a ridiculous looking bandage on them (like 2 white cotton condoms!) I was working part time on checkouts then too. One man, as I handed over his change, made some mad comment about me wearing the bandage as a joke, and squeezed my fingers really hard! Cue blood seeping through almost immediately, and him running from the store, leaving his shopping that he'd paid for! My boss had to drive me to A&E to have them re-glued. The public can be very strange.

Or you could ask them intrusive questions about their shopping. Because you're a checkout operator and allowed to ask these things

I Never - that is horrible - what an idiot. Love your name btw

My word how rude! She is obviously just an incredibly nosey person. Most HCPs really hate talking about illness - how many times do you hear docs and nurses complaining that when they're at parties people go on and on to them about their illnesses? My MW hadn't told any of her neighbours she was a MW for that very reason.

She is odd, you were in the right. As you really can't tell someone to piss off in work, I think you have to just say 'I don't wish to discuss it' and let the cat bum faces wash over you.

I too hope your recovery continues well OP.

I have 2 dots on my neck from where i had a central line on after a serious op , anyhoo iits quite raised and i have had complete strangers say oo it looks like a vampires been at you , Piss off is what i want to shout i usuall smile and say yeah YAnbu she was nosey and rude ,

I think I'd tell her it was from a sword fight with an impertinent customer.

YANBU, although I agree that you need to be diplomatic about it. I used to work with the general public and it introduced me to the true awfulness of some people. I dealt with a lot of unbelievable rudeness. I used to get more and more polite and calm which usually defused the situation and, sometimes, made them realise how appalling they were being.

I'm very glad to hear that you are in remission now .

Tell the next "nurse" that you work in a GUM clinic, and when was her last test for XYZ? :o

No no - forget calm and diplomatic - go with my suggestion!

YANBU

I walk with crutches and people are for ever asking what I have done. When I explain and tell them I won't get better, that is their cue to be really patronising! It really annoys me and I have wanted to say piss off so many times!

I have a friend who works at a checkout and is regularly given unwanted advice/grief about her weight. It has sometimes reduced her to tears.

She gets her revenge by squashing their shopping as she passes it over the checkout - mushrooms are particularly satisfying apparently.

I like the outlandish ones.

How about nodding sagely whilst cautioning the customer on the perils of getting too close to a chainsaw. Then sweetly ask if they'd like any bags.

I hope that your health worries are over now.

She was extremely rude!

But in terms of asking about your scar I do think this can be a no win situation for other people. I have heard other people say things like I can tell people are glancing at my scar/facial deformity, etc and they say nothing. I just wish they would ask and i would tell them how I got it/what it is. I prefer kids as they just ask.

So some people will think this is the polite thing to do, rather tahn just being nosy.

I have a pale burn scar on my face - people often think it's moisturiser I haven't rubbed in properly and say "oh you've got cream on your face."

I like the 'swordfighting' answer. Some people just don't know when to STFU.

Tattoos - ask away: as long as they are on display, they were (presumably) chosen.
Scars - bugger off, none of your business.

I would have thought everyone knew this. What a rude woman!

Maybe speak to your manager? They might have some suggestions for what you are allowed to say to rude customers.

Perhaps an airy, "That's a bit of a personal question, isn't it!" And then swear loudly in your head.

This is what to do

take discreet deep breath, :) smile, make eye contact, say clearly and with polite tone

I'm sorry, but that is not up for discussion.

Still smiling :) and keeping eye contact for a few seconds, pause, say nothing else

If you are lucky your message will have registered

If not repeat - i'm sorry but that is not up for discussion etc

Look down and carry on with your job.

You owe no fucker anybody an explanation regard;ess of whgat you think they may think of you.

What you think lf them is more important as it is an impolite intrusive request.

Unbelievably rude and thoughtless. How about inventing something so thoroughly fantastic and clearly untrue that they get the message that it's really none of their business. They would say "Really?" and you could say "No, not really. Next?"

Some people are just awful

I hope your recovery continues successfully. All the best :)

I am a nurse and no way would I ask a random stranger what illness they had. It is just nosy and plain rude.

Next time someone asks, just ignore then. Or ask them did they mean to be so nosy/rude.

Maryz - I thought about suggesting "that is where the aliens inserted the tracking device when I was transported to the mothership" although I like the vampire line too. Only problem is, what if they then come back with 'oh yes, I am a vampire/I was abducted too' and suddenly you're stuck desperately trying to backpedal.

"So some people will think this is the polite thing to do, rather tahn just being nosy."

But it´s absolutely no one´s business.

Why does anyone think that they have the right to ask a stranger something just to satisfy their own curiosity?

I mean really, what was the twatty nurse even going to do with the information?

SFA would be my guess!

I tell people it was a shark attack. Their faces are a picture and it amuses me enough to stop being pissed off with their rudeness

What an odd thing for a nurse to say. You are not HER patient, she has no right to want/need to know why you have that scar.