to want ex sis in law to bugger off?

[lovemykaygees]

She has been divorced from BIL for 3 years but is godmother to my niece, so shows up at parties and get togethers because my SIL (BIL's sister and mum to my niece) has stayed quite friendly with her, I assume for niece's sake. My BIL has met a new woman who is just getting to know the family at the moment and last night there was a family get together for niece's birthday. Ex SIL showed up, showered niece with gifts and did the whole small talk thing before leaving after about an hour or so. I don't have a problem with her really but certain members of the family really dislike her, my MIL included. SO, the usual happens last night, after she left she became the main topic of conversation, which is getting pretty bloody boring after 3 years, lots of whispers of 'what's she doing here' blah blah blah, MIL going in a huff with SIL for inviting her and BIL getting pissed and angry. It really wound me up last night because I thought it was a bit unfair on BIL's new girlfriend. So AIBU in wishing she would just make time for her god daughter on their own terms outwith the immediate family as every time she shows up it creates tension? It's getting really annoying.

She should do whatever her God daughter's parents want her to.

Why can't someone have a word with her? instead of doing al that bitching stuff when she's gone. I just don't get it tbh, it's a no-brainer imo (apart from the fact that I can't work out who's who, sorry)

So you don't have a problem with her ??? Really ??? I'd hate to see how you talk about someone you dislike

YABU the problem appears to be with the family, not with her. she sounds quite reasonable IMO.

I agree, the family are being unreasonable, I mentioned in my post the whole thing is getting really fucking boring, but the only solution I can see is if she just sees niece in her own time. I'm sure she can see and feel how certain members of the family feel about her, I felt a bit sorry for her last night but can't see any way it's going to change really. MIL thinks (probably unreasonably) that she comes to keep tabs on her ex, and can't understand why she shows up at family parties when she's not family anymore.

I just don't see why she should miss out on big celebrations, to which she has been invited by those who matter, just because some adults are being precious about a failed relationship.

Yanbu - but a family member will have to tackle it. Bil should just refuse to go if his ex is invited.

never mind the godmother aspect, she is also her Aunt so she has as much 'right' to be at birthdays etc as everyone else. You should be grateful that despite the break up of her marriage she has chosen to stay in contact with her niece and god-daughter.

Your SIL sounds like the only adult in this scenario

Godparent IS family. I don't hold with just making your friends godparents cos it's nice to - you ask someone to make those promises for your child, you make them family.

She left after an hour anyway - so sounds like she's being sensitive about not staying around too long.

She left after an hour after making small talk, rather than being overly familiar. Sounds like she handled a tricky situation quite well.

If she was a grandparent who was not expected to turn up due to divorce then it would be outrageous tbh.

Sounds to me as though her manners are impeccable.
She shows face, stays low key, and stays a polite amount of time before taking off.

What a cow.

Not sure how this really affects YOU [confused}

If she's divorced I'd say she's an ex-aunt. I don't count myself as being aunt to my exhusband's nieces and nephews. I was only an aunt through marriage and now the marriage has ended so has my aunt status. She is still godmother though and it is up to the niece's parents what events of their niece's they invite her too. Your family sound quite mean, she sounds very reasonable she isn't silently sulking in the corner for hours or trying to be the centre of attention or anything. The sniping sounds horrid.

what squeaky said-how does it effect you?

i dont get it,surely its the mil that should bugger off.if she cant say anything nice?surely the sil has as much right to be at a family gathering?who invites her?have you told them your issues?

Yabu and a bit rotten!

It sounds a really sad situation. She has made the effort to keep the promises she made as a godparent. Do you want a relationship with her? Do you dislike her? Or do you just dislike the tension in the room that feels like a divorce court.

Prehaps if your family are being nasty it would be better to invite her on a seperate occassion. It must be hell on earth for her to spend time with the ex inlaws. Having a marriage fail must be a pretty painful experience for her.

Prehaps you could talk to her and suggest you socialise with her seperately from the family. She might be pleased to avoid the ex inlaws.

YABU

You basically want to deny your niece the chance to have her godmother at her parties because YOU are bored with family drama that is NONE of this woman's fault.

Selfish much?

If she was invited, then she has every right to attend. From what you have written, she didn't behave or say anything offensive. Was your bil annoyed because she turned up or because she was the main topic of conversation? Maybe, the next time there is a general bitching session, it would be bet to steer he conversation away fom her, or point out that your sil invited her, so she is welcome at family events.

Glad I'm not related you you lot. imagine what guts it takes for that woman to turn up to see her godchild, knowing she'll be glared at whilst she's there and bitched about when she's gone.

She sounds like a lovely aunt and the only one to behave with grace and dignity.

Maybe you should try and go on Jeremy Kyle and have the whole clan up on the stage to slug it out

The family sound horrible, that's what the actual problem is. They are nasty people.

Why wouldnt they think that she was just going to her God daughters party because she cares about her? I actually admire someone for doing that, and putting up with all the family small talk. She probably doesn't realise there is a problem because everyone is being two faced and nice in front of her.

She was invited and she went.

The family sound awful and it must take a lot of courage for her to walk into that situation and not show how upsetting it must be for her, all for the sake of a little girl who must love her very much.

Your SIL sounds lovely. Your MIL needs to respect her daughter and granddaughters wishes and your BIL has moved on to a new partner. He needs to let go of the bad feelings for his ex.

His new partner must be wondering what sort of family she is getting involved with.

YABU. It looks like she is trying her very best not to impose but still be there for her neice (eg. the attending but being polite and leaving early). Your ILs sound awful.