AIBU to wonder how on earth WOHPs manage when their DC are sick etc

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For quite a few years now I have worked from home and flexibly arond the DC. Sickness, holidays etc have rare impacted upon us.

Today, however, I had an important (to me) meeting and DD is ill. She can't go to school.

DH is in NY. Mother is hundreds of miles away and doesn't drive anyway. Friends would happily call in but I can't ask them to spend six hours with DD (it would take this amount of time to get there, have the meeting and get back)...

It has really made me think about how most families cope.

Basically, me and dp have a row about who is most able to throw a sickie, or plead with the boss to allow us to take an unpaid day.

It is a nightmare

Can you really not ask a friend to step in? I'd do this for someone in need.

My mum has to cancel her plans and stay at mine for the day. On a couple of occasions I've taken a days unpaid leave.

It's a bloody nightmare TBH. I'm a LP so only got mum as back-up.

Although school is better than nursery as I can drug them up with calpol and send them off, nursery were much stricter.

Yes me and dp try to cover each others back, not always possible. My mother has come to stay for a week (she lives 3 hrs away) before when ds had chicken pox.

I live in fear of the day there is literally no one available to look after him.

We share emergencies with friends. We don't have any useful grandparents, but we do know lots of other parents who need occasional childcare and we do them favours, and they do it for us. I often have a houseful on inset days, cos I can shift my work around, and in return I have various people who I can ask favours from.

I am looking for work and worrying myself sick about this. My father lives with us, he's in his eighties, I have no other family that could help and neither does dh. The neighbours would look out for him in an emergency, but it is a bit ask and may not always be possible. DS is five. I will be keeping a really close eye on this thread.

IME most ask for unpaid leave or paid leave with about 5 minutes notice.

I work 3 days so if it's a non-work day, no problem. (DH and I don't have any family nearby)
On a work day we work out between us. We both work NHS -I'm clinical, DH in IT. So he can work from home, but not if it's an important meeting. (The logistics of cancelling are a nightmare, especially if he's meeting with people who have re-arranged their schedules)

Same goes for snow days/emergency closures .

Honestly OP, if your friends are ok to mind your DD then do it. Hopefully she'll sleep or watch TV. They are a friend, you can return the favour (and buy them )

It's a flipping nightmare this work/child ( the NHS calls it work/home balance or some such PC twaddle)

(Must point out that my experience was of managing WOHM with sick kids and not my own experience of being a WOHM. I have that to look forward to)!

Taking a day holiday, or working from home if child is ill enough to be asleep. I have no family nearby and all my friends work.

Luckily nursery is really pragmatic, and he goes in unless d/v or unwell enough to be distressed. Am planning to move back closer to parents soon to help specifically with this issue when school-aged.

I take a days holiday

Or DH takes a days holiday

We juggle who depending on who has the least important thing to cancel that day. If we've both got important things on then tough, someone has to cancel. Looking after sick children is the priority.

It's not a problem that often though, maybe once or twice a year.

I plead clemency from my boss to take annual leave

DH and I work full time. So far, in the last year we've each taken 1 day off for DS being sick. He doesn't tend to get bugs etc, usually it's a high temp.
Both of us have been able to take them as holidays or get paid and work from home.
Sounds like we're quite lucky.

And mixedberries, quite often if it's a phone call from childcare/school then yes there is no real notice

Yes, it is a case of weighing up who can most easily take the day off that day. My job varies quite a lot so sometimes it is very easy for me to do it, and at other times, it would be incredibly hard so DH does. In his last job, though, it would have been almost impossible for him to take leave at short notice, so if he was still in that, it would be me every time taking the hit. We have also done half a day each sometimes, swapping at lunch, so that at least we both get some time to cover our work essentials that day.

We don't have grandparents living nearby either. It really makes a huge difference to have grandparents near and available to help with stuff like this, but if not then you have to suck it up. Fortunately my employer and DH's are sensible about it and understand it can't be avoided.

I think if it were something differnt I would ask a friend. But in truth the meeting can go ahead without me, it's more that I really wanted to be there, not fair to ask a friend to rearrange their day for that, i think.

But what a nightmare for WOHPs. And lone parnets must be in even greater danger of this being a problem (although DH would find it extremely hard to help either).

Last week was half term. Before that there was snow...How does anyone keep a bloody job down?

I can often do it as 'working from home' too, although in practice that often means doing bits for an hour or so while DS sleeps and then working in the evening when he's gone to bed.

I guess how hard or not it is very much depends on the job too, no?

In my past life as a lawyer I would have felt awful if I couldn't attend a trial that had been scheduled for months. Really shit for the client.

Geekcool, I hope you didn't misunderstand my tone. I wasn't having a go at parents giving very short notice for annual leave! They really have no other option.

I agree that it's very difficult. I have sometimes taken care of the DSSs when they are ill, since both their parents work. I wonder who would do that if I weren't around? And, tbh, it is very annoying when I have an ill child to care for who wasn't supposed to be here as it inevitably makes either me or DD ill too, which is the reason why asking friends to care for an ill child is not on.

No easy answers.

Also watching with interest. My DS is nearly two and has been ill almost non-stop since December -- nothing serious, just bad colds, but enough to keep him out of nursery. Luckily we are both working at home these days but if we were both working in offices, I actually don't know what we would have done. I think until he is school-age we will try to have at least one of us working at home or flexibly/part-time.

I get a certain amount of special leave per year which i can use if my children are sick, or have the option of leave or unpaid leave.

That is another consideration of course Bonsoir. I wouldn't want to pass on this horrible bug DD has contracted.

As it is today's meeting is not imperative. Well it is, but not imperative I be there. And usually the majority of work I do is from home. All very flexible.

But there's a position I would very much like to take up in September (indeed I have tenuously agreed) which will involve me WOH one evening, sometimes two evenings per week and today's mishap has already made me worry about whether I'll be able to pull it off. Sigh.

It is one that really stresses me as a single parent with no local family.

My DCs literally have to be half-dead before they are sick enough to stay home. If it is anything that can be treated with a dose of calpol or ibuprofen - then they go in.

If they are absolutely not able to go, then will then call in sick myself.

wordfactory - I think you're getting the two issues mixed up.

School holidays are known about, so childcare can be planned (childminders, holiday clubs, whatever). Its a juggle, but its OK.

Illness or snow days are unexpected, so can't be, and its these that can be a bit of nightmare. But they don't happen very often. Really, its not the massive issue you're making it out to be (and why are you so concerned about other people's childcare arrangements anyway?!).

post that must be really stressful .