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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder how on earth WOHPs manage when their DC are sick etc

98 replies

wordfactory · 22/02/2012 09:22

For quite a few years now I have worked from home and flexibly arond the DC. Sickness, holidays etc have rare impacted upon us.

Today, however, I had an important (to me) meeting and DD is ill. She can't go to school.

DH is in NY. Mother is hundreds of miles away and doesn't drive anyway. Friends would happily call in but I can't ask them to spend six hours with DD (it would take this amount of time to get there, have the meeting and get back)...

It has really made me think about how most families cope.

OP posts:
LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 10:01

Sorry, scrub that last bit. X posts. If you're planning on changing your working arrangements, I can see why you're concerned. But its OK, really!

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 10:03

wordfactory - you would need an au pair if you are to take that job up.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 22/02/2012 10:05

Thankfully DD (21 months) has only been ill on a couple of occasions so far. Work have up to 6 weeks of parental leave available (unpaid) for major illnesses but if its an odd day you either take holiday at short notice or throw a sickie yourself.

Original poster
wordfactory · 22/02/2012 10:06

little I suppose I'm concerned about other people's childcare for a number of reasons.

One - pure nosiness. Today's mishap just really made me wonder what on earth people do...I realise what a cosy littel bubble I've been living and working in.
Two - I'm concerned (selfishly) about what I'll do come September.
Three - I do think there's a wider societal concern here.

OP posts:
OlympicEater · 22/02/2012 10:07

It is very tricky, and the reason that I gave up work when DS started school.

Many friends have confessed to both parents arguing over whose day was more important, then compromising by dosing child up with calpol to get them through a morning at nursery and then whoever took the call from nursery would have to go home at lunchtime. No wonder so many chidlren get bugs when they first start at nursery. But what else can people who fel that their job is at risk do?

I now work nights on the basis that I can sleep in the day when they are at school, or if they are off sick then they will be in bed too so just need an adult on hand even if they are semi-comatose.

LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 10:08

Wordfactory - re your number three - yes I totally agree that, as part of a wider society, employers should enable more flexible working so having a family doesn't sound the death bell to your career. Alas, it isn't so.

Original poster
wordfactory · 22/02/2012 10:09

Bonsoir - I just really don't think DH would agree to have anyone living in. And to be fair, since I work from home most days, I don't know if I'd want someone rattling around.

It's a term time job at university so that would help a little.
I thought I could collect DC from school, dump them at home and run. DH could get back around 8pm.

But then there's all the times he's away. Or stuck at work. And what if the DC are ill!!! Or need help with anything. Fuck it!

OP posts:
MixedBerries · 22/02/2012 10:10

It's a legal right to have time off to look after your kids...copies and pasted from the CAB:

^almost all employees have a right to take time off work, although not necessarily with pay, for the following:-

to participate in trade union activities

to perform ?public duties?, for example, being a JP, local authority councillor or school governor

to care for their children. People who have worked for their employer for one year have the right to unpaid parental leave. You are entitled to 13 weeks' unpaid leave before your child is five. However, if your child is disabled, you get 18 weeks' leave which must be taken before the child is 18.

to attend to unexpected problems with dependants, for example, where child minding arrangements break down. A dependant includes anyone who reasonably relies on the employee^

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 10:11

Yes, childcare (or, more precisely, what happens to children when their parents aren't around to take care of them and they aren't, for whatever reason, at school) is a big societal issue Smile.

Childcare is only one little part of the issue. Quality of childhood experience is of much greater import, IMO.

But, to go back to your illness emergency - you do need some kind of support system if you are going to be having non-negotiable work commitments. I am a support system for the DSSs' parents (not entirely unreasonably) and their paternal GM as well as their nanny used to be the support system when they were younger.

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 10:13

"Bonsoir - I just really don't think DH would agree to have anyone living in. And to be fair, since I work from home most days, I don't know if I'd want someone rattling around."

Not having someone living in is a luxury that our family very much enjoys. DP lived with live-in help throughout his childhood and throughout the DSSs younger childhood and hated it. But when both parents work and travel for work/have unpredictable hours, I think that live-in help is an unpleasant but unavoidable necessity.

tantrumsandballoons · 22/02/2012 10:14

I've taken my dc2 to work with me on a couple of occasions when he had an ankle injury and couldn't go to school!

Otherwise I take a days holiday or unpaid leave as I don't have family available during the day.

I don't really like asking friends to look after them all day if they are I'll, it is a bit of a nightmare sometimes especially as I have 3 DCs who seem to be ill in rotation!
Luckily my employer is really family friendly. Otherwise would probably not have a job anymore and may be why I've been in the same job for 13 years even though I don't really love it

dreamingbohemian · 22/02/2012 10:15

wordfactory, do you think you could get a backup system in place before September? start reachiing out to people/collecting favours now?

I think there are also 'emergency nanny' agencies, as a real last resort.

It would be a shame to miss out on a nice job on the off chance that maybe once or twice you have childcare problems.

PostBellumBugsy · 22/02/2012 10:16

Mixed Berries, I am aware that I could take unpaid leave if either of my DCs were seriously ill for an extended period of time. As I only just scrape by as it is on my pay, I'm loathe to start taking unpaid leave when they have a V&D bug for a day or two. It is easier to just call in sick myself. Mercifully (& touch wood it will stay that way), this has been a rare occurance.

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 10:17

You could try to make a virtue of necessity and get an au pair who would speak French/German/Chinese/Spanish to your DCs for an extra boost Wink

MixedBerries · 22/02/2012 10:21

PostBellumBugsy I do agree that in practice, it's rather more complicated! Just thought it might be helpful as many people aren't aware of their statutory rights. Didn't mean to sound preachy!

HappyAsEyeAm · 22/02/2012 10:22

I would have to take a day's holiday, or DH would. In reality, as DH is the full time workeer, and earns far more than I do, it would be me that took the day's holiday.

Unpaid parental leave can only be taken in my firm in chunks of at least one week, after gving notice, so I wouldn't be able to use this for last minute sickness for DC.

LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 10:23

wordfactory - if its an evening position, could you not line up a couple of babysitters, get your children to meet them etc so they all know each other, and then you'll have some Plan X, Y, Z back up cover?

Plus... always good to have some babysitters numbers handy for nights out!

RavenRose · 22/02/2012 10:24

I usually work from home when they are sick - or dh does. We tend to argue about whose meetings are more important but both of us have joined meetings by phone before. They call me before the meeting starts and put me on speaker. Its worked well mostly and I've done quite a few with a sick child on my knee - the only time it did go wrong ws when dd puked up mid meeting - heard by all at the other end!

Its not ideal but we have no family back up so bodge together what we can - thankfully we have a good employer who understands this

pickledsiblings · 22/02/2012 10:25

Wordfactory, how old are your DC?

PostBellumBugsy · 22/02/2012 10:25

You didn't MixedBerries! Smile

LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 10:26

RavenRose - you just reminded me... DH was at home with DD2 (vomiting bug) yesterday. He was on a two hour conference call, and had to change her (extremely horrible) nappy whilst he was on the call. He was extremely proud of himself Smile

bakingaddict · 22/02/2012 10:34

I work in the NHS and you get 6 additional days off per year for emergency sickness. Only the 1st day is counted as an emergency, any more than this and it comes out of annual leave. Not normally any issues taking extra time off though.

I think a lot more firms, not just public sector ones, are understanding about this. Most firms must have contingency plans to cover sickness, holidays etc so while it would be a pita they should be able to maintain basic service/provision etc even if one employee has to take emergency time-off

Original poster
wordfactory · 22/02/2012 10:39

My DC will be 13 by the time I want to take up this position.

Perhaps a baby sitter is the answer. Our current one will be in university but perhaps his younger brother who will have moved into sixth form. He may be glad to come and revise/post of FB here and be paid for it.

And on occasions when I know in advance that DH will be away my Mum is always happy to help out. Loves being here actually.

I suspect I should stop worrying and just give it a go. If it doesn't work out I will have lost nothing, I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
wordfactory · 22/02/2012 10:42

baking that arrangement sounds good.

I suppose the trouble is if you're client facing. For example I'm going to be giving lectures/tutorials/workshops etc on the nights I'll be working. If I don't turn up because my DC are sick I'm not sure what happens. The students are sent home? Bloody annoying for them given how much they have to pay and the fact that they too might have had to resolve childcare in order to be there.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 10:45

I don't think that it is feasible to postpone or cancel a lecture for childcare issues. You let down too many people, and rescheduling is equally problematic.