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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder how on earth WOHPs manage when their DC are sick etc

98 replies

wordfactory · 22/02/2012 09:22

For quite a few years now I have worked from home and flexibly arond the DC. Sickness, holidays etc have rare impacted upon us.

Today, however, I had an important (to me) meeting and DD is ill. She can't go to school.

DH is in NY. Mother is hundreds of miles away and doesn't drive anyway. Friends would happily call in but I can't ask them to spend six hours with DD (it would take this amount of time to get there, have the meeting and get back)...

It has really made me think about how most families cope.

OP posts:

TimothyClaypoleLover · 22/02/2012 10:49

IMO 13 years old is old enough to be left if you have friends willing to pop in to see if they are ok. In reality your DC are not going to be ill that frequently at the age of 13 and it would be a shame to not take a job just in case they are ill.

LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 10:51

wordfactory - I think you're right, you'll need several back up plans. It might still happen once over the course of a few years, but hopefully no more than that.

Give it a go - sounds like a great job!

bakingaddict · 22/02/2012 10:53

I think it's only an issue if your're children are sick a lot...your probably over-analyzing the things that can go wrong in your new job. As long as it's a very occasional thing then most people will be sympathetic towards someone with a sick child. Yes it's a pain for them but the majority of people wouldn't expect somebody to put work before a sick child

toddlerama · 22/02/2012 10:54

I remember one of my law lecturers bringing in her 8 yr old to sit at the back on an inset day once. She partook in the lecture, asked and answered questions and generally loved it. It was a small class, less than 20, but it did make me think that it isn't always the worst thing for kids to come to work! Obviously this doesn't work in every career before anyone pounces with "I'm a brain surgeon and my 8 yr old can't come in". A colleague in the US used to have his son come into court after school and watch til we closed for the evening. A murder trial , but he was a highschooler so I guess he had probably seen it all already...

Bramshott · 22/02/2012 10:58

For a 13-year old, I'd expect to be able to park them at home with a sick bowl TBH - I don't remember my mother staying off work when I was sick once I went to secondary school, she just used to call me at lunchtime, and then rush home at the end of the day (she was a teacher).

merryberry · 22/02/2012 11:01

Plans to write a cogent post, weeps into keyboard at endless impossibility of it all instead.

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 11:10

merryberry.

The breeze of dual-working families is all based on a false premise - that SAHMs do very little.

renaldo · 22/02/2012 11:11

I have an older babysitter, a pensioner, who is on standby to sit with my kids if they are sick and DH (clinical job) and I (university) need backup
Its worth paying someone just for peace of mind - I also use my cleaner occasionally and of course ask friends ( and do it for them)

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 11:13

"For a 13-year old, I'd expect to be able to park them at home with a sick bowl TBH"

That's possible, though unkind, with a not-very-ill child.

Ciske · 22/02/2012 11:20

We have a plan B, which is grandparents, and a plan C/D, whereby either myself or DP take short notice leave from work, depending on whose working day is easiest to rearrange.

If grandparents hadn't been around, I probably would have arranged something with emergency professional childcare. You need a few back up options as emergencies have a way of announcing themselves at the worst of times.

dreamingbohemian · 22/02/2012 11:26

I also think at 13 you can leave them on their own for a few hours, if they are not seriously ill. If it's in the evening they will probably just crash on the sofa watching TV for a few hours, he would be fine.

manicinsomniac · 22/02/2012 11:26

I think I'm probably quite unusual on here in that I had my first child when I was at university and knew from the start that I was going to be a single parent. So I was able to choose my career based on what would work around children rather than have career first then kids if you see what I mean.

I decided to become a teacher and have my children at the same school - so if they're ill it's no big deal, they just go to bed in sick bay until I am able to leave work. They can stay there all day if it's a busy day for me.

Also, if they are really ill, I can take them home and still get paid. We are not penalised for ill children any more than we would be for being ill ourselves.

So, for me the answer to working and having children was definitely becoming a teacher!

TeaMakesItBetter · 22/02/2012 11:26

I am extremely fortunate to both work from home two days a week and have an extremely understanding employer. DH also WFH one day a week so we're only really exposed two days a week (of course those are the days I always get the call!). Usually if he's sick and it's a wfh day anyway it's no bother, I ask my boss, are you ok for me to work with DS here or should I take a day off. Some work is better than no work so yes is always so far the answer and I make up time in the evenings if I feel I didn't get enough done. If it's a day I know I can't get any work done either because of what DS is like or because of that and the type of work I have to do, I'm honest and say I think I need to book it as leave, but I usually still make myself available for conference calls, keep on top of emails etc. If it's not a wfh day we try to take it in turns based around who on that day is most important. We have on occasion done a split day with a baby handover at the station .

I am very fortunate but I also worry how I will ever take up a new position outside of my current company as I'm aware a lot of the flexibility I get stems from years building a reputation as a hard worker. I also feel guilty all the time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/02/2012 11:30

DH and I both workl f/t. If DS is too ill for school either one of us will take a day off, my neighbour and DS's surrogate nan will have him or if he is non contagious I have been known to bring him into work with me.

Work know my DS comes first, always will do and if they dont like it then tough! I have only had a tiny handful of days though in all his 9 years so it's never been a problem

Bonsoir · 22/02/2012 11:31

I love the MN contradictions - you get threads where parents are leaving a healthy toddler with a healthy 13 year old for an hour while they pop to local shops and get slammed for negligence, threatened with reporting to SS etc.

And then you get threads where sick 13 year olds can stay alone at home all day with a bucket while their parents are far away at work!

pickledsiblings · 22/02/2012 11:32

Word, with one DC aged 13 you shouldn't have too much of a problem .

On those evenings that you are working, DH could endeavour to get home earlier (perhaps by starting his day earlier) and he could also try not to arrange meetings/trips on these days.

I think it is important that both of you think through the solutions to your new situation.

A helpful neighbour may be a better alternative than a teenage boy when it comes to 'babysitting' btw.

NorfolkNChance · 22/02/2012 11:35

I have to take unpaid leave*. Like today in fact as DD is ill and will possibly have to go into hospital. DH often has meetings away so can't help as much as he would like.

*Can't take holiday as I am a teacher.

Fishandjam · 22/02/2012 11:38

I've been wondering about the opposite problem - what do you do when YOU get ill and there's nobody to look after the kids?

I've just come down with a horrible flu/chest bug, which has totally poleaxed me (being 22 wks PG hasn't helped). I have no relatives close by who can help. Don't really feel able to ask the neighbours, and friends are all juggling their own family/working lives. So DH has had to take time off work to look after DS. How the hell I would have managed if I'd been a single parent, I don't know. (Rung Social Services, probably!)

LittleMissGoodEnough · 22/02/2012 11:44

Fishandjam - you're just not allowed to be ill as a mother.

This is why I've been horrendously ill on and off since November, I never get a blardy chance to rest and recover.

PostBellumBugsy · 22/02/2012 11:46

Without wishing to sound martyr like, I have refused admission to hospital before on the grounds that there was no one but me to look after my DCs. Ex-H was working abroad (even if he had agreed to help), my parents were on holiday & my sister was working on the other side of the country.

When the DCs were little & before I had a tonsillectomy - I used to think sometimes I would die from illness. But of course you don't. You just take much longer to get better & feel run down for about 4 years!

maddening · 22/02/2012 12:33

there are companies who organise emergency childcare such as nurseries, cms and nannies - might be worth a try if v important and no other option

merryberry · 22/02/2012 12:41

Thank you Bonsoir. Yes, Fishandjam, didn't you read the mothering contract - you don't get to be ill:) Under the paragraph about having one hours lie in a week. Til 7am:) Seriously though, ask the neighbours, make networks of mutual help. People are on the whole kind, and you get to be kind back, which is even nicer.

Today my youngest is at pre-school thank to 2 different sets of kind people. My neighbour is picking up emergency supplies. DH is able to work (initiation day, new contract, unmissable), i am ill but coping slowly. My work is behind. I will catch up eventually. I am able to turn bits over every few hours, between swabbing the decks around ds1. I am having to go to bed at about 1900 hours the last few days. This too shall pass. Get well soon yourself!

NatashaBee · 22/02/2012 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dixiechick1975 · 22/02/2012 12:53

Fortunately DD yr 1 has only had 1/2 a day off sick.

Either myself or DH would have to take off as holiday or unpaid. I also have facility to work from home.

Of the children I know of friends and DD's classmates - those with 2 working parents seem to have alot less time off.

I suspect due to the fact that being in nursery from a young age has meant that they've already had many common childhood illnesses by school age and also parents will only keep off if the child is very ill/contagious.

cambridgeferret · 22/02/2012 12:54

Like most other posters on here, we argue about who's busiest at work, then one takes first day and other takes second day if needed.
If it goes on for too long then GPs get involved, but Dad is T2 diabetic and picks up any bug going so it's not an ideal arrangement.

Only once have I had such a "Couldn't miss" day at work that DH had to be on standby for that day in case someone was sick........ in the end no-one was.

It's never easy though. But my boss has kids too and has been through it himself.

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